Shooting Straight
by Chuckling-Ghost
Summary: An AU where at the suggestion of his "therapist" after the bell test, Kakashi refuses to train Squad 7 until they sort out their personal issues. This is the result. Pairings undecided. Possible rating change to M. Pseudo-yaoi possible (does Sexy Jutsu count since Naruto's physically turning into a girl?). Eventual smart Naruto, not-emo Sasuke, and quickly de-fan-girled Sakura.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

==The Afternoon After the Bell Test==

Kakashi sighed as he flopped on the couch of his old friend/therapist, a seat where he hadn't parked his rear in what felt like years as she curled up in a chair across from him, "They actually did it. I am now the Jonin Commander of the most dysfunctional genin squad the Hidden Leaf has ever seen."

Anko nodded and her pencil started scratch-scratching across her notebook, "Tell me about it." Kakashi sighed, "First up is Naruto. The kid's lonely to the point that he wears orange and pulls pranks that he knows will make people upset with him just so that they'll acknowledge his existence. On top of that, he doesn't know who his parents are, and I'm not allowed to tell him. He's also got the Nine Tailed Fox in his gut, which even if I don't tell him he's going to figure out eventually. He's hell bent on becoming Hokage so he can get some respect, but he's been so alone that his growth as a shinobi is stunted to the point of being nearly nonexistent. He's got his shadow clones, which are an incredible asset, but he's got no idea how to use them." Anko nodded, "Not to mention he's loud, stubborn and the general consensus is that he's a moron."

Kakashi laughed softly, "Oh that's not even the worst part! My team is a love triangle in one direction and a hate triangle in the other! Naruto has a tremendous crush on Sakura who hates him, but he hates Sasuke who judging by the fact that he ignores all girls but pays attention to Naruto may very well have some sort of belligerent sexual tension aimed at Naruto, and he hates Sakura who has a crush on him. Then there's Sasuke and Sakura themselves! They'd be trying even if the love hate triangle wasn't a problem!" Anko nodded without looking up from her pad, "Go on."

"First off there's Sakura. She has chakra levels that are average at best, and while the Academy's file on her says she's got great control, she's also too busy beating up Naruto and fawning over Sasuke to even come close to being a decent shinobi. Not to mention her vanity is so bad that she's been dying her hair a pink so vivid that it's as bad as Naruto's jumpsuit for _years_ on account of not thinking blue is feminine enough!" Kakashi rubbed his eyes, "And the third one's no better."

"Sasuke Uchiha?" Anko asked as she shot a glance over the top of her note pad, "Isn't he supposed to be rookie of the year in his class? Some sort of prodigy, last remaining Uchiha, heir to the sharingan yadayadayada?" Kakashi nodded with a groan, "That's the one. The little punk has a superiority complex that rivals Guy's enthusiasm and work ethic. Then there's the whole 'Last Uchiha' deal. On top of the superiority complex, he's obsessed with being the last Uchiha for real and offing his brother before rebuilding his clan. Given his aversion to girls, I'm seriously wondering if he even knows what that entails."

Anko nodded, "Mmhmm, yep, almost, just a little, right there, we, go! Done!" Kakashi looked over at her, "With what?" Anko turned the note pad around grinning from ear to ear and Kakashi's hair stood even more on end, "Why were you drawing that during my therapy session?!" Anko blinked and raised an eyebrow in confusion, "You wanted to vent right? Do you know a better way than that?" Kakashi looked at the admittedly very impressive doodle on the note pad and then at his admittedly very attractive friend and sometimes lover. It took a moment but then a smile broke out behind his mask, "Now that you mention it…"

==Six Hours Later==

Anko finally collapsed on top of Kakashi, totally exhausted. After catching her breath Anko raised up a little, "Seriously though Kakashi, if the kids are that bad, just tell them what you told me." Kakashi blushed crimson and she smacked his chest gently with a grin, "No not that! The bit where you ticked off all their flaws and shortcomings. Take a leaf out of my book and shoot straight for once in your life! Seriously, they are not that hard a target to hit!" She pressed against him and he blushed again in slight embarrassment, "Are we still talking about my students?" Anko grinned at him, "Maaaybeee…"

==The Next Morning==

After Kakashi got away from his "therapy", he made his way to the training ground where he was set to meet his students. They were already there waiting for him and rather irate at his tardiness. Kakashi calmly sat down on the grass without saying a word. They didn't sit down until he told them to and he sighed, so much for initiative.

Once they were all seated, he started, "Before we can begin training your jutsu, we need to first resolve all your personal issues." "PERSONAL ISSUES?!" Naruto exclaimed as he crossed his arms angrily, "WHAT PERSONAL ISS-OW!" "QUIET DOWN AND LISTEN TO SENSEI YOU IDIOT!" Sakura barked as Naruto sheepishly rubbed his head and Sasuke vented the sigh of exasperation Kakashi was trying to hold back. "Those issues for example," Kakashi declared.

All three genin looked at him in surprise. "What do you mean sensei?" Sakura asked curiously, "Did we do something wrong?" Kakashi sighed, oh this was going to be such a long day, "Sakura, you just smacked your teammate in the head as hard as you could, and Naruto, you do realize that shinobi are supposed to be _quiet_ right?" Sakura blanched slightly, Naruto crossed his arms with a _hmm…_ and Sasuke snorted with a grin in his head. Kakashi crossed his arms, closed his eyes and sighed, "Quite frankly you all annoy the hell out of me, and at the rate you're going now you'll never be Chunin, which means I'll never get you out of my hair." All three flinched and Kakashi opened his eye to turn a cool gaze on them, "Which is why I'm not teaching you anything about any sort of jutsu until we work out your personal problems. So, who wants to go first?"

"I STILL DON'T SEE WHAT PROBLEMS YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT," Naruto said loudly. Kakashi wondered if Naruto's voice even _did_ quiet as he turned to the bright orange clad genin, "Ok Naruto, we'll start with you. Your dream is to be Hokage. Why?" Naruto blinked in surprise, "So that everyone'll respect me of course!" "And where did this desire for respect come from?" Naruto blinked as he blanked, "Uh…"

"Would it possibly have anything to do with the fact that you're an orphan who has very rarely had anyone to acknowledge you in a positive way, but almost always had people kicking you out of shops, yelling at you, whispering about you behind your back, insulting you, keeping their children away from you, occasionally getting drunk and gathering into mobs to chase you through town and beating you senseless if they caught you, and tricking you into spending what little money you had on buying a bright orange jumpsuit that makes it easy for those mobs to find you and makes everyone think you're an incompetent idiot for being a ninja who wears orange because they don't know that's the only pair of pants you have?" There was a long stunned silence after that. Sakura and Sasuke were staring at Naruto and Naruto was shocked beyond words. It was the first time any of them had ever seen Naruto actually being _quiet_. "That's why that shop owner gave me this jumpsuit?" Naruto asked in a quavering voice.

"Can you think of any other shinobi that wears orange? Anyone at all who wears orange?" Kakashi asked quietly. Naruto's world was crashing down on his head like a tsunami, and it was visible. He was pale, his mouth hanging open and he was wide eyed with shock and trembling with horror. Naruto looked down at the bright orange jumpsuit he loved so much and tried to think of some reason, some way that Kakashi might be wrong. The more he thought about it though, the more it made a hideous amount of sense. Kakashi had something of a soft look in his eye as he reached over and patted Naruto on the head, "We'll go get you some proper shinobi clothes this afternoon, kay Naruto? If anyone tries to mess with you they'll answer to me." Naruto nodded weakly, his gaze still locked onto his jumpsuit and lost in horrible memories.

Kakashi exhaled heavily and turned to Sakura and Sasuke, "Who's next?" Sakura and Sasuke both jumped. Now that they had seen what happened to Naruto, neither of them wanted anything to do with this "fixing personal problems" thing their Sensei had dropped on them out of the blue. "Um Sensei is," Sakura started only for Kakashi to cut her off, "Is it your turn? Yes I think it is." Sakura was immediately very pale and Sasuke breathed a small sigh of relief as what he had come to regard as a terrible impending doom was delayed.

Sakura was sweating up a puddle of sheer terror when Kakashi suddenly blindsided her with, "So Sakura, let's talk about your fashion sense." Sakura and Sasuke blinked in surprise, neither of them would've ever expected _that._ Sakura immediately blushed as pink as her hair, "My, my fashion sense? But Kakashi sensei, why would we need to talk about-" "the hair you dyed pink to make it more girly?" Kakashi finished bluntly. Sakura's eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Kakashi raised his visible eyebrow, "Sakura do you know what every kunoichi needs?" Sakura blinked, "Skill? Intelligence?" " _Confidence,_ " Kakashi declared, "A good kunoichi, any good shinobi should have confidence in themselves. Ask yourself Sakura, if you don't have any faith in yourself, why should I? Why should Sasuke or Naruto? Why should anybody have faith in you, if you don't have any in yourself?"

Sakura flinched and Kakashi continued, "Part of being confident is having the courage to stand on your own two feet and brush off other people's opinions. Naruto and Sasuke have that in spades. You on the other hand have approximately zero confidence, and it shows in your appearance. Ask yourself, why does Naruto like _you_ and not Hinata Hyuga, even though Hinata has a crush on Naruto the size of Hokage Mountain?" Naruto's head snapped up as Sakura and Sasuke blinked in shock at the revelation, "Hinata has a crush on me?!" Kakashi sighed, "Well that's one reason Naruto likes you more than Hinata. Can you tell us the other reason Naruto?"

Naruto blinked and then thought, "Well, Sakura-chan is really pretty, and she's smart, but more than that she always just seems really confident. Her and Ino are both really annoying when they fight over Sasuke, and it's really frustrating when they just ignore me, but they're both really pretty and their confidence is kinda hot. Makes me wish…" Naruto realized what he was about to say and he quickly snapped his mouth shut at what had almost escaped his lips in his vulnerable state.

Kakashi nodded, "Exactly. And Sasuke why do you _not_ like Sakura?" Sakura and Sasuke's eyes widened, Sakura's in curiosity and Sasuke's at being put on the spot. He thought about it for a few minutes, "It's really annoying to have a horde of squealing airheads fawning over me. It makes it hard to see any substance to them, they're just background noise, like a bunch of frogs at night, or birds waking me up outside my window in the morning. They're annoying and then I get to where I can just tune them out." Sakura looked a bit hurt by that and Kakashi nodded, "And what do you think of Hinata?" Sasuke thought for a moment, "I wouldn't say I like her because we never really interact, but she's never once bothered or pestered me for affection, so I guess that actually makes her the most tolerable girl in our class because she doesn't have that going against her."

Kakashi nodded, "And what if Sakura was into you but not falling all over herself to please you? She just had a "Whenever you're ready come and get it" attitude and went about her business being an admirable kunoichi?" Sasuke looked Sakura up and down in a way that made her blush, "Is your hair really dyed? Because you should probably know that I _hate_ the color pink. It reminds me of my grandfather's eyes right before he died; his eyes were going bad and his Sharingan turned _pink_ on his death bed." He looked back at Kakashi as Sakura looked utterly floored by the revelation, "Other than my deep hatred for the color pink, that would probably actually work." Kakashi nodded, "Thought so. Sakura, why don't you show him what your hair _really_ looks like?"

Sakura took a moment to process what Kakashi had said and then she raised her hands into a sign and a _poof_ of smoke erupted around her head before clearing away to reveal a wild jaw length mane of cotton candy _blue_ curls that actually went with her eyes very well. Sasuke blinked and then nodded, "I don't know what you've been doing to your hair, but knock it off and leave it like this." Sakura blushed as pink as her hair had been and then fainted for a moment in shock at the closest thing she had ever gotten to a compliment from Sasuke.

When she sat back up, Kakashi smiled, "Now that we've got your issues in your relationship with Sasuke out of the way, let's talk about the way you treat Naruto." Sakura flinched slightly, and Kakashi nodded, "Exactly. He's been chasing after you with the same vigor you've chased after Sasuke, and just like you he's asked nothing but a little affection. Yet you constantly shove him aside, hit him, insult and shout at him regularly, so on and so forth." Sakura shot a glance at Naruto who was nodding and Kakashi continued, "And while smacking him in the head as hard as you can may be satisfying, has it ever stopped him?" Sakura shook her head mutely.

"Have you ever tried _explaining_ to him what he's doing wrong or why you don't accept his affections?" Kakashi asked. Sakura opened her mouth to say that she had, but then she realized she had never done anything of the sort. "So why would he stop if all he's seen of romantic interaction is the way you and the other girls chase after Sasuke and nobody's ever told him how counterproductive it is, leading him to think that's how it's _supposed_ to be done?" Sakura opened her mouth to reply and then got very pale as she realized she had been unwittingly _encouraging_ Naruto's actions. She put a hand over her mouth, "Oh Kami…" Kakashi nodded, "So how about from now on, whenever Naruto does something that annoys you, why not explain it to him and ask him to stop rather than just punching him?" Sakura nodded mutely and Kakashi nodded right back, "Very good. Now then…" Sasuke felt a bead of sweat trickle down the back of his neck as Kakashi turned to face him.

"You Sasuke," Kakashi said in an ominous voice, "need," he paused for dramatic effect and as his three students were really starting to get nervous he declared, "A hug." Everyone blinked in surprise and then Kakashi ordered, "Naruto, use the Sexy Jutsu and give Sasuke a hug. NOW." Before anyone could protest, Naruto had transformed with an evil grin and pulled Sasuke across Sakura and into a hug. Sakura looked scandalized and Sasuke was horrified as he felt his face reddening. Sasuke was too stunned to even flail as he took in how very _very_ skilled at transformation Naruto was. That was no illusion his face was buried in, it was _flesh_. Then Kakashi nodded, "Ok, Naruto, you can let go now."

Naruto let go and Sasuke scrambled backwards flushed absolutely crimson. Naruto grinned, he had finally found Sasuke's weak point. He rematerialized his clothes, but a sexier curve hugging version rather than the usual form concealing jump suit. Kakashi turned to Sasuke, "Now then Sasuke, you are going to share every bit of that bottled up pain you've been hiding so that it can stop fermenting and poisoning your mind, and we are going to comfort you as best we can. If you refuse, I'll hold you down and have Naruto hug you again."

Sakura's brain was in lockdown trying to process what was happening. Sasuke looked at Kakashi and tried to find some sign that his sensei was bluffing. He found none, and Naruto had been way too fast and was grinning way too broadly for him to have any hope that Naruto would refuse. Sasuke gulped and then nodded slightly, "Ok, I'll talk."

He sat up and sighed, "I'll talk on one condition." Kakashi raised an eyebrow, "And that condition is?" Sasuke's eyes flicked up to meet his, "Nobody ever speaks of this again." Kakashi nodded, "Of course. These are your teammates, and I am your sensei. We will keep your secrets as long as they are not a threat to the village."

Sasuke looked around and found that even Naruto's mischievous grin had faded into a solemn expression. Sasuke took a deep breath, "Ok, get comfortable, I've got a lot to get off my chest." Naruto shifted slightly and Sasuke started, "I suppose the first thing I should mention is my brother." He sighed, "I'm guessing you know Kakashi, but do either of you two," he glanced at Naruto and Sakura, "know what happened to my clan?" Naruto and Sakura both shook their heads and Sasuke sighed, "My entire clan was murdered by my brother."

Naruto and Sakura's eyes were the size of dinner plates as Sasuke continued, "But that's not the start of where things went wrong. My brother was always better than me, at everything. When I was a kid I wanted nothing more than to make him and my parents proud of me. So I pushed myself, and did everything I could to make them proud of me. It didn't help. Itachi never had time for me, my father never had time for me except to tell me how much better Itachi was and give me that damned _look_ that just oozed disappointment. My mother had a _little_ time for me, but I spent years trying to get out from under Itachi's shadow, secretly wishing to myself it would go away. That _he_ would go away."

He pulled his knees up to his chin and wrapped his arms around them as he gazed at the ground, "So imagine my delight when Itachi started not coming home. Imagine my delight, when he and my father had their big fight. Itachi was hardly ever around after that, but my father was finally recognizing me! He taught me our clan's Grand Fireball Jutsu, and I mastered it in a week! Even Itachi hadn't done it that fast! For the first time ever, I was feeling great about myself! I was finally catching up!" Then his tone darkened, "Then one night I stayed late at the Academy training. I ran home, thinking about how furious my parents would be for making them worry. Then the first sight that greeted my eyes when I reached the Uchiha District was the bodies of my clansmen littering the streets."

Sakura gasped slightly and Naruto raised an eyebrow with a worried look, still not turned back to his regular self. Sasuke plowed right on, "I ran through the streets, trying to get home to warn my parents. Then I got there. I ran inside as fast as I could, and who was waiting for me?" His eyes were suddenly wide and filled with an almost manic hatred, "MY BASTARD BROTHER WITH A BLOODY SWORD IN HIS HAND AND MY PARENTS FRESHLY DEAD AT HIS FEET!" Sasuke started laughing with a slightly demented edge, "I asked him what happened! Do you know what he did?!"

Without waiting for an answer he shouted, "THE BASTARD MADE ME WATCH HIM MURDER OUR PARENTS WITH A GENJUTSU! HE TOLD ME TO FLEE! CLING TO MY PATHETIC LIFE HE SAID! OR KILL MY BEST FRIEND TO UNLOCK SOME NEXT STAGE SHARINGAN IF I WANTED ANY CHANCE OF BEATING HIM! FUCK! THAT! I DON'T EVEN _HAVE_ ANY FRIENDS BECAUSE BEFORE THAT I'D ALWAYS BEEN TOO ABSORBED IN MY STUDIES TRYING TO SURPASS HIM, AND EVER SINCE THEN I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BECOME GOOD ENOUGH TO KILL HIM! GAH I HATE HIM!" His eyes were still wide with rage and he was actually so upset that he was trembling.

Everyone who had heard his rant was slack jawed with surprise and horror at his tale. Kakashi in particular was shocked, he at least had gotten a little tiny bit of therapy and help after losing his father and then his team, but from the sound of it, "And you've had no therapy have you?" Sasuke shook his head ruefully, "No. Everyone's always danced around the issue trying to spare my feelings or some such bullshit." Kakashi nodded, "Well then, I guess it's a good thing we had this little sharing session. Now we know." Sasuke's eyes flickered up with a little bit of a dangerous spark in them, "Now you know what?"

"Now we know why you are the way you are, and how best to address that and help you grow as a person and a shinobi," Kakashi explained. Sasuke tilted his head in confusion, "What?" "How can you stich a wound closed if you don't know where it is?" Kakashi asked, "You can't. Now though, we know where _your_ wound is Sasuke, and we know how you got it. Now that we know that, we can get started cleaning it and treating it so that it can heal."

The words made a little sense but Sasuke was still unsure of what Kakashi meant, "And how are you going to do that?" Kakashi smiled behind his mask, "You've never been happy, so we will _make_ you happy. You've never had support, so we'll support you. You've never had a friend? Now you have three." Sasuke blinked, "Just like that?" Kakashi nodded, "Just like that. The pain may still seem fresh, but now that you've opened it up to the air, it can begin to breathe and fade." Kakashi's smile faded, "Take it from me, you never get over the loss of your loved ones entirely, but you can't let the pain and despair engulf you. Would they want that? Would they want you to become a cold and bitter ball of depression and hate? Of course not. So we'll help you keep from becoming that way. That's how we'll help you grow as a person."

"And as a shinobi," Kakashi continued, "I'd hardly be a good sensei if I didn't teach you how to fight. We'll work to find your strengths, and if they aren't the Uchiha clan's traditional strengths, big whoop, we'll train you in something else that you _are_ good at and when the day comes for you to confront Itachi, you'll have tricks he won't be expecting. How's that sound?" Sasuke blinked and a moment later he nodded. Kakashi smiled, "Very good. Now then, come along my students, it's time to go equip ourselves for your new lives as shinobi."


	2. Chapter 2: Clothes Make the Shinobi?

Chapter 2-Clothes Make The Shinobi?

==Fifteen Minutes Later==

Kakashi led his team into a clothing store and armory, one of the odd sort of shops that could really only be found in a hidden ninja village. The shopkeeper's smile lit up at seeing the famed Copy-Nin (one of his best customers) come in, and then the cheerful expression immediately darkened as he noticed who was behind him. Ken had never chased Naruto, but he had never liked his daughter Tenten hanging out with him either. Kakashi noticed the look, "Ken, these are my students, Sakura, Naruto and Sasuke. I'm here to get them some new clothes and equipment so that they won't get themselves and me killed on missions."

Ken swallowed whatever distaste he felt for Naruto and smiled, "Alright then, what do they need?" "First and foremost I want some armor for these little knuckleheads. Light armor for Sasuke because he doesn't need the extra armor, and Sakura also needs light armor because she probably can't handle the extra weight. Naruto needs heavy armor because he's in the bad habit of charging in recklessly and if he doesn't have some armor for that he's going to get himself killed."

Ken nodded, "Right this way then." He led them off to the left into the armor section and turned to them once he got to a pile of bins, "Now then, you said Naruto likes to charge in recklessly?" Kakashi nodded, "He can use Shadow Clones to slightly mitigate the recklessness of that, but he's still nowhere near good enough at taijutsu to be an in-close fighter." Ken nodded, "Alright then."

He turned to the bins and pulled out a pair of sturdy looking leather fingerless gloves with armored backs that were made to go all the way to the elbow. He extended them to Naruto without looking over his shoulder as he moved to the next bin, "ANBU quality armor gloves. If you manage to hurt your forearm with those on then there's not enough armor in the world to help you, and the armored knuckles should make your strikes rather more effective. If he picks up sealing jutsu Kakashi then he can give them various personalized upgrades, but be sure you help him since the armor is probably better than any seal upgrade, and if he carves too deeply into the metal then he could compromise the safety it provides."

Then he pulled out a basic gray flak jacket and turned, easily plonking it over Naruto's head and onto his shoulders, "It's a little big but you'll grow into it. If you ever make Chunin you'll get a better one like the one Kakashi's wearing." Then he went over to a wall of shelves and started surveying boxes, "Hey Naruto, what's your foot size?" Naruto flushed, "I don't know. I haven't had a new pair of shoes in years. When these got too small for my feet I just cut the toes off." Ken looked over his shoulder in slight confusion and then covered it with a smile, "Not to worry, we'll find it. Lemme see your foot." Naruto picked up his foot and Ken knelt down and laid his hand along the bottom of the foot, "Uh huh, looks like a 9." He got back up and pulled a box off the shelf, "Here we go. Try these on."

Naruto opened the box and pulled out two extremely sturdy looking calf-height boots with armor over the shins that when he pulled them on went up to his knees. Ken nodded, "How do they fit?" Naruto wiggled his toes and nodded, "Pretty good." Ken nodded, "Well go walk around in them to make sure. We've got plenty so make sure they fit." Naruto took off for a stroll around the store and Ken looked at Kakashi, "Are you paying for him?" Kakashi nodded, "Naruto's been wearing that same jumpsuit for years because it's all he's got. The kid needs some new clothes that won't get him ridiculed and mobbed."

Ken flinched and nodded as Naruto came jogging back up, "Alright." "These boots are great!" Naruto exclaimed. Ken nodded, "They're also water proof and steel-toed, so your socks won't get wet when you walk in the rain and most people won't be able to stomp and break your feet." "Awesome!" Naruto exclaimed. Ken nodded and turned to the other two, "Now then I believe you said these two needed light armor?" Kakashi nodded and Ken turned back to the bins, "Lets see," a moment later he walked down to a different bin and pulled out some thick black gloves. They were similar to Naruto's, but they didn't have the obvious armor on the backs, "See how these fit you."

Sakura and Sasuke pulled on the gloves and were surprised to feel something firm in fabric lining. "Chainmail," Ken explained, "It's a lot lighter than Naruto's, and it's not as good for protecting your bones, but it's still good enough to stop a kunai. Senbon might get through, if they're thrown hard enough, but that's seal toughened leather, so they probably won't go on through." Then he walked over to a number of clothing racks with shirts and shorts, "And then you should pick out some standard armor mesh underclothes. I trust you know your sizes and can find them if you can't?"

Sakura and Sasuke nodded and started looking. Kakashi looked at Naruto, "You should get some too." After Naruto was gone among the racks, Ken looked over at Kakashi, "So, he finally passed huh?" Kakashi looked at him in confusion, "Hmm?" "Naruto. He's failed the Academy Graduation Exam twice. He's actually two years older than those other two." Kakashi's visible eyebrow rose in surprise, "Really?" He turned back to watch his students looking for the right size armor mesh, "He's so small I wouldn't have guessed." _Guess I need to address his diet too…with that much malnutrition it's a wonder he's lived this long…_

A few moments later the three were back with armor mesh shirts and pants. Sasuke and Naruto had shorts and Sakura had leggings. Ken nodded, "The armor mesh won't turn a strong kunai, but it will slow it down enough that unless it's a Jonin's kunai it probably won't kill you, and no genin should be able to get through it. That should about cover armor," Ken gestured for them to follow, "And over here are weapons. Kakashi?"

Kakashi eyed the numerous tables of weapons, "For now just a few packs of standard kunai and shuriken. I just got this team yesterday and quite frankly I've got my work cut out for me, so I'm not sure what their specialties will be yet." Ken nodded and directed him to the appropriate packs. Kakashi sent the team over, "Get what you need, but don't go overboard." Sasuke and Sakura grabbed one pack each, Naruto grabbed three. Kakashi nodded, fair enough, Naruto might very well not have any.

Ken nodded, "Alright then. That should about cover everything in the armory. You said you wanted to get them some new clothes as well?" Kakashi nodded, "Yes. Naruto in particular needs an entire new wardrobe. I'll be docking his pay a little bit for a while to make sure I get paid back, but he'd rather I dock his pay a little than be dead because his enemies could spot him a mile away. I'm sure he'd pay me back, but he's forgetful and I prefer to play it safe." Naruto opened his mouth to protest and the protest died in his throat as he realized Kakashi had a point. "Fine," He grumbled.

Suddenly a voice called from the door, "Daaad! I'm home!" Ken's face split in a smile, "If you'll excuse me for a mo-where'd he go?" Tenten was almost knocked out the door as Naruto tackled her in a hug, "TENTEN!" Tenten took a second to realize who was hugging her and then she smiled, "Naruto! What are you doing here?" Naruto stepped back with a bright smile and Tenten saw his forehead protector. She gasped delightedly, "You passed!" She laughed and hugged Naruto, "I can't believe it! You finally made it! Hang on a second," She leaned out the door, "Lee! Come here!"

A moment later Rock Lee was at the door and it only took him a moment to realize why Tenten had called him and he exclaimed exuberantly, "Naruto you passed!" Naruto was grinning from ear to ear as Kakashi Sakura and Sasuke walked back out of the armory and into the small open area in the middle. Kakashi saw Lee and immediately became very pale behind his mask as he knew this had to be Guy's apprentice. Lee and Tenten unfortunately recognized Kakashi immediate and Lee poked his head outside, "GUY SENSEI! KAKASHI HAS A GENIN TEAM!" What little paler Kakashi could get, he did.

A moment later the door was filled with the green form of Might Guy booming, "STUPENDOUS! NOW MY ETERNAL RIVAL WE CAN COMPETE TO SEE WHO IS THE BETTER JONIN SENSEI! SQUAD NINE, PREPARE FOR-" Kakashi cut him off, "Whoa now Guy! I've only had them for a day, a spar now would be completely unreflective of my teaching so there's no point in that yet!" Guy deflated and shot Kakashi a sour look, "I was going to say training." Kakashi nodded, "Uh-huh, sure you were."

Guy's expression was sour for a moment more, then he recovered his smile, "Alright! Kakashi introduce us to your team!" Kakashi sighed and pointed at Sasuke, "Sasuke Uchiha," the finger went to Sakura, "Sakura Haruno," Lee's eyes didn't move on from Sakura as Kakashi pointed to Naruto, "and Naruto Uzumaki." Guy grinned brightly, "Excellent! And these are my youthful students! My apprentice Rock Lee, our weapons mistress Tenten, and…" He disappeared for a moment and reappeared shoving a boy with long brown hair through the door, "our resident master of gloom, doom, stern expressions and grim broodiness, Neji Hyuga!" Neji narrowly managed to avoid not falling on his face and shot a glare over his shoulder at Guy.

He turned back to the others and bowed, "Neji Hyuga, nice to meet you." Naruto grinned, "Wow Neji, you've got even more stiff and sour than the last time I saw you!" Neji stiffened slightly and shot him a sour look, "I prefer to think of myself as sane enough to balance Lee and our Sensei out. I think fate's got it in for me." Naruto joined the rest of Squad 9 in a sigh, "You're still on about all that fate and destiny crap?" Naruto asked. "If anything he's gotten worse with high exposures to Lee and Guy-sensei," Tenten declared. Naruto looked horrified, then an idea crossed his mind and he grinned at Neji in such an evil way that Neji actually got uncomfortable, "What? Why are you looking at me like that?"

Naruto looked at Kakashi, "Kakashi sensei, can we have a cross team therapy session to deal with Neji's personal issues? He's as bad as Sasuke was yesterday." Kakashi raised an eyebrow and took in the twitching eyebrow and subtle signs of discomfort and irritation all over Neji's face, then he looked at Guy, "Well Guy? Want to have a cross team sharing session? It took these three from totally hopeless to actually having a not quite halfway decent chance of success as shinobi." Guy pondered it for a moment and then that massive smile split his face again, "Why not? If it helped your team so greatly then I can only imagine what it will do for my youthful students! When would you like to meet?"

Kakashi thought about it, "Mmm…How does the day after tomorrow sound? Let's say bright and early at 8 am?" Guy laughed, "You call that bright and early? Sure we'll swing by after our morning warm up! Where do you want to meet?" "Training ground 28," Kakashi replied, "And Guy, bring tissues because you're probably going to need them. I know how emotional you get." Guy raised an eyebrow, "That must be quite a therapy session! We shall be sure to attend!"

Neji looked rather mortified, "Tenten, help?" Tenten wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Now Neji, it can't be that bad. Look it's therapy, and it probably won't hurt you. It might even be good for you. Don't worry I'll be there too." Neji appeared to take some small solace in that and looked at Kakashi, "Can I bring a friend?" Kakashi sighed, "Sure. The more the merrier, just please don't bring the entire Hyuga Clan." Neji thought about it for a moment and then shook his head, "No, I'll just bring my cousin. I don't think the entire clan would be helpful, and really my cousin needs the help more than I do." Kakashi nodded, "Alright then."

"Well then we'll see you the day after tomorrow," Kakashi said with a smile behind his mask, "Now then, Squad 7 let's continue with our gathering of appropriate shinobi gear. Wardrobes are up next, come on," he somehow managed to catch all three of his students in one swing of his arm and hauled them off towards the wardrobe section. To his chagrin Team Guy followed curiously.

Kakashi set his team down and settled for leading them. He paused when he got to the changing rooms in the back, "Ok then, spread out and find some clothes that you like, then bring them back here and I'll approve them." "Can we help?" Tenten asked brightly. Kakashi resisted the urge to sigh, "Sure." Tenten immediately dragged Sakura off towards the ladies' section and Sasuke and Naruto found themselves being dragged along behind Guy and Lee. That left Kakashi and Neji to swap a glance and settle in for a long uncomfortable silence.

Sasuke and Naruto found themselves immediately being given a sales pitch on the virtues of very tight green jumpsuits. Naruto actually surprised everybody who could hear him by being the one to voice opposition to the jumpsuits. "Um thanks guys, but, there's a lot of bad memories between me and this jumpsuit," he said quietly, "I'd rather not trade it in for a fresh one." Sasuke and Lee both did double takes. Lee in particular was dumbfounded, could this really be the same Naruto who had always been so proud and defensive of his bright orange jumpsuit?!

The significance of the statement was totally lost on Guy though who immediately nodded, "Alright then, we shall find you something more appropriate. What is your fighting style?" "He doesn't have one," Sasuke replied, "He just charges in swinging and hopes for the best. I also would not like a jumpsuit. I prefer loose clothes that I can hide things in." Guy and Lee nodded and selections were quickly made.

As they returned to the changing rooms they saw that Tenten and Sakura had beaten them back. Just as they started to ask what Sakura had gotten, Sakura stepped out of the changing room with the gloves and armor mesh leggings she had picked out in the Armory section on under a long sleeved black dress with a high collar that hugged her form above the waist and then split just below the hip into four sections that tapered off to points. "So? How do I look?" she asked with the cutest expression she could muster. "You look awesome Sakura-chan!" Naruto exclaimed. Lee was too blown away to say anything, and Sasuke and Neji seemed to be competing to see who could maintain their composure better. Kakashi nodded and Guy gave her a booming approval and commended Tenten on helping Sakura find such a good fit.

"And this particular dress comes with some special features," Tenten declared happily, "I didn't tell you earlier because I didn't want you to have a biased opinion Sakura, but in addition to storage seals stitched onto the outside for you to store weapons and supplies in, there's a seal stitched into the back of that dress that runs down to the lower half. If you run a little chakra into it, you can harden the skirt into blades that'll fly up and slice anything around you when you twirl! It's not nearly as good as being awesome with a sword, but it's great if you need to surprise somebody." Kakashi nodded, "Very good to know." Then he turned to Naruto, "Naruto, you're up."

Naruto nodded and hurried into the changing room. A few moments later Naruto stepped back out and was met with stares. Naruto was now wearing a heavy charcoal gray karate gi top with a hood over his armor mesh undershirt, matching pants, and the armor Ken had picked out for him. He also had a mask in his hand, "I'm not too sure about this mask. It's almost like wearing a second skin except it feels like it's holding my mouth shut." "That's a good thing," Sasuke quipped, "Didn't sensei tell you earlier that shinobi are supposed to be quiet? If the mask helps you with that then I'd say it's a good thing."

Naruto opened his mouth to make a biting retort and then Kakashi stepped in, "More to the point Naruto, these masks are made to filter the air you breathe so that you're harder to catch with gas weapons and they have seals so that you can breathe underwater with them. Also, have you ever had a bee fly into your mouth while you're running? It's not fun, and with a mask on, you don't have to worry about it." Guy's head snapped around to look at him, "Is that why you never take that mask off?! A bee flew into your mouth?!"

Kakashi looked at Guy and said with an apparently completely straight face, "No. I wear it for the filters and to make people wonder about it." Guy's eyes immediately bugged out as he tried to count how many countless hours he had spent wondering why Kakashi wore a mask. A few moments later with a twitching eye he declared, "Oh that is just evil…" Kakashi grinned behind his mask, "Yep. It won't work for Naruto though since everyone already _knows_ what he looks like."

"Aw…" Naruto pouted from behind his mask. "Nah, leave it on Naruto, you look better this way," Sasuke declared with a grin. Naruto turned a glare on him, "I'll hug you again." Sasuke immediately paled and quieted down. Sakura giggled at his expression and Team Guy looked from Sasuke to Naruto and back again several times as Naruto pulled the mask off, "Anyway, it's your turn now." Sasuke quickly gathered his clothes and brushed past Naruto on his way into the changing room.

Lee looked at Naruto as Naruto sat down, "I do not understand, why is a hug a suitable thing to threaten Sasuke with?" Naruto grinned, "Oh yeah you haven't seen it yet!" Sakura shot Naruto a look, but before she could say anything, "Sexy Jutsu!" Naruto leaned out of the smoke in his female form, "Hi Lee." It took Lee a second to realize Naruto was naked in his female form, but as he was covering his eyes looking away and exclaiming, "Naruto! What happened to your clothes?! And why do you look like that?!" Neji was trying to pick his jaw up from the floor.

Tenten and Guy were equally shocked and Sakura laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder. She was turning red and clearly trying very hard not to shriek at him as loud as she could, "Naruto, please don't do that. It's demeaning to women and makes me really, REALLY want to hit you." Naruto immediately released the transformation and sat bolt upright in surprise, "What?! I didn't mean it like that! I'm so sorry I didn't know!" Sakura smiled slightly, still clearly very annoyed, "Well please don't do it anymore ok?" Naruto shook his head, "Of course not! I didn't realize it was mean to women, I just thought it was a funny surprise tactic!" "Oh it is," Tenten declared.

Everyone looked over at her, and the jaws immediately hit the floor again as Tenten winked at Lee and Neji from inside her own cloud of smoke and no clothes, "Isn't that right guys?" Lee and Neji both immediately fell off the bench backwards with blood streaming from their noses as Tenten howled with laughter and released the transformation.

Sasuke stepped out of the changing room in what looked like a black version of the same clothes Naruto was wearing except with less armor, billowy sleeves and an open chest revealing the armor mesh undershirt beneath, "What's so funny?" Then he saw Neji and Lee and realized what must have happened. Sasuke looked at Naruto, "If you're going to use it so often, why not just stay in that form for longer stretches? The mask might not work for you like it does Kakashi sensei," then he smirked, "But imagine how crazy it'll drive everyone if they're constantly wondering if you're really a guy or a girl."

A look of realization dawned on Naruto and with a flash of a wicked grin he was a girl again, her armor now tightly fitted and very sexy as the smoke cleared. Naruto sat back and winked at Lee, "So, how do I look?" Most present were staring at her trying to figure out what had just happened, Sasuke was smiling smugly to himself, and Guy was looking at Kakashi, "How the hell did you infect them with your, your, _you_ -ness so quickly?!" Kakashi smiled, "Oh, just a little shooting straight." Internally Kakashi was sighing at the look on Sasuke's face and Naruto's easy acceptance of becoming a girl more often at Sasuke's request, _mutual belligerent sexual tension: CONFIRMED._

 **AN:** _Sooo as you might have guessed, things are going to be getting quite AU quite quickly. Yes Naruto was in the same class as Team Guy for a year as it was canonically stated that he had flunked the graduation exam two or three years, meaning he had been held back a few years, and therefore should actually be the oldest of the Konoha 12, which he now is._

 _Other changes include but are by no means limited to:_

 _= Drastic and lasting impacts for those involved in these little therapy sessions as well as those they come into contact with_

 _= A definitely female Nine Tails who is snarky, fun and friendly to her Jinchuriki as a result of sharing in their memories and lives in full_

 _= Different mechanics of the Sharingan_

 _= Naruto's seal working rather differently_

 _= Tsunade's strength being a form of chakra enabled telekinesis_

 _= New Akatsuki Members and Plans (No Tobito or Ten Tails or Kaguya or Big-bad Madara)_

 _= New Villains_


	3. Chapter 3: Squad 9 and the Nine Tails

Chapter 3 – Squad Nine and The Nine-Tails

==The Next Morning==

When Naruto arrived at Training Ground Twenty Eight in female form, she found Team Guy waiting for them, along with Hinata. Naruto waved as she ran up in her new shinobi gear, "Hey Hinata! I didn't know you were the friend Neji was bringing!" Hinata blushed crimson as she recognized Naruto even in feminine form and for the first time in a long time spoke without a stutter, "Why are you a girl?" Naruto gave her a sunny smile, "So that I can mess with people and make them wonder if I'm really a guy or a girl!" Hinata blinked and her Byakugan subconsciously activated, giving her a full view of the same thing Sasuke had learned the previous day, Naruto didn't miss a single detail when she transformed.

 _Now_ Hinata's stutter returned in full, "Um, N-naruto, y-your…um…t-transformation is very um…th- _thorough_ isn't it?" Naruto blinked, "Well of course it is. I don't know many jutsu, so I'm really good at the ones I do know." "N-no, I m-m-meant your… your…" Hinata couldn't bring herself to ask about why Naruto had changed her privates as well, or if she had. Hinata was sure that Naruto was a boy transformed into a girl, but the transformation was so complete that she honestly couldn't tell.

Naruto tilted her head to the side in slight confusion, "My what?" "She wants to ask why you have transformed your body completely into that of a girl, including the bits that people without the Byakugan can't see." His hand suddenly flickered out and slammed into Naruto's shoulder, an impact which wouldn't hurt Naruto but should have been enough to dispel any transformation. Naruto staggered slightly, but her transformation didn't even flicker, "What was that for?!" Neji frowned and activated his Byakugan, "Naruto, is this your transformed form or is your male form the transformation?"

Naruto grinned, "I'm not telling." Neji scowled, "How about I beat it out of you?" Naruto's grin widened as she sprang back, "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" The field was suddenly flooded with shadow clones who all immediately started substituting with each other calling, "Catch me if you can!" Neji's eye twitched, his Byakugan couldn't tell the clones apart from the original, and they were evenly dispersed between male and female even upon creation.

Neji shuddered and prepared to do something he really didn't enjoy. He turned to Guy, "Guy-sensei, why is Naruto's transformation not dispersing?" Guy _hmmm_ -ed thoughtfully, "It is possible for a transformation to be psychological as well as physical. In such a case the transformation is simply a jutsu reforming the body to match the mind inside it. I remember hearing of a med-nin one time who had a split personality, and through use of Transformation Jutsu could give true form to either personality. I suppose Naruto could have a split personality, but I don't like the thought of what that could mean."

Hinata stared, "A split personality?" Guy nodded, "It's not impossible. More likely though is that Naruto is simply incredibly skilled with Transformation Jutsu. Infiltration specialists who wind up having identity crises or developing split personalities are often skilled to such levels. They alter their minds to fit their cover and their bodies as well, both contributing to the psychological developments."

In a nearby tree branch, the original Naruto pondered Guy's words. _A split personality?_ She wondered, _How would I know?_ She whimsically turned her inner monologue inward, _Hellooo-ooo…anybody else in here?_ **YES** came the rumbling reply that made Naruto fall out of her tree branch with a loud "KYAH!"

Naruto hit the ground hard and sat up rubbing her head, "WHAT THE HELL?!" Neji pointed and dryly declared, "Aha." Naruto shot him a glare as she dismissed her clones. Hinata was immediately there helping her up, "Are you okay Naruto?" Naruto nodded, "Yeah. I just wasn't expecting somebody to answer when I asked my brain if there was anybody else in there."

Everyone else stared and Guy was suddenly very pale.

==An Hour Later==

The other genin were sitting in a circle near the memorial stone and Kakashi and Guy were off to the side with Naruto. Kakashi had ordered Naruto to tell him exactly what happened, and after Naruto told him he took a deep breath and sighed it out, "Ok, no more sense hiding it. Naruto, that voice in your head is…" Guy suddenly clamped a hand over Kakashi's mouth, "Are you nuts?! You know that's an S-Class secret! Do you _want_ to die?!"

Kakashi gave Guy a sour look and when Guy took his hand off Kakashi's mouth he replied, "Fine. I'll send a shadow clone to ask Lord Hokage to come tell Naruto personally. How's that?" Guy nodded. Naruto's eyes were riveted to her sensei, "What is?" Kakashi laid a hand on Naruto's shoulder and leaned down to look her in the eye, "You'll know soon. I'm sorry I wasn't allowed to tell you earlier. Please forgive me for obeying the law, but we have to have Lord Hokage here before I can tell you." Before Naruto could ask what he meant he made a shadow clone and gave Guy a quick nod. Before Naruto knew what had happened, Guy had knocked her out, the incredible force of his punch finally dispelling Naruto's transformation and making Naruto a him again.

==Not Long After==

Naruto woke up and blearily looked around. "What's everybody looking at?" Then he realized his head was in Hinata's lap. His eyes sprang open at that and he suddenly remembered what Kakashi had mentioned about Hinata the day before and with his ever present lack of brain to mouth filter, "Um Hinata, Kakashi sensei told me the other day that you have a crush on me. Is that true?" Hinata's eyes were the size of saucers, her jaw was slightly open and she was as red as a tomato. There was a long bout of silence and then Neji declared, "That would be putting it lightly."

Before Hinata could faint, Naruto had squirmed around and was upright looking her in the eye. His eyes searched hers for a moment and then a smile split his face as he rested his forehead against hers, "Well why didn't you just say so?" Hinata's brain ground to a halt and then her heart skipped several beats as Naruto's lips pressed to hers. She had just a moment of heaven before her eyes rolled up into her head as her brain overloaded and short circuited with delighted shock, then she fainted and Naruto narrowly caught her.

Lord Third cleared his throat from where he was sitting on the stump between Kakashi and Guy, "Well now that you're awake and your highly protective nurse is asleep, I suppose it is time I tell you what I feel I perhaps should have a great many years ago." Naruto's eyes were immediately wide and riveted to him as he remembered what had happened before he had been knocked out, "What?"

Lord Third looked around, "Kakashi, Guy, are you two sure we can't get anymore privacy?" "Not a chance," Sasuke declared, "And you know he'd tell us anyway." Lord Third sighed, and Hinata came around just in time to hear him begin, "Naruto, do you remember what happened fourteen years ago the night you were born?" Naruto nodded, "The Nine Tailed Fox attacked and Lord Fourth killed it." Lord Third cleared his throat uncomfortably as he had a hard time meeting Naruto's gaze, "Yes well, about that…Killing the Nine-Tails was actually not an option. It would've simply been reborn a few years later with even more of a grudge against the Hidden Leaf for killing it. The only way to deal with a being like the Nine-Tails is to imprison it. The most common method is to seal it into a living human so that the person can draw on its power to aid their village. The last person the Nine-Tails was sealed in was your mother Naruto."

Every eye within earshot below the rank of Jonin was wider than the average dinner plate. Lord Third sighed, "However once the Nine-Tails was out it was impossible to put back in. Lord Fourth says that somebody actually attacked your mother the night of your birth with the intent of unleashing the fox. They succeeded, and your mother's chakra network was irreparably shredded by the extraction. That being the case, there was only one person available who Lord Fourth had faith could handle the Fox's chakra being implanted into their system. Lord Fourth died from the sealing method he used, and your mother died from the compounded shocks to her system. And the fox," "Is in me…" Naruto said in a stunned whisper, "That's why everyone hates me isn't it?"

Lord Third nodded and Kakashi actually growled a little, then Naruto asked, "Why did you never tell me?" "Good question," Kakashi grumbled earning a glare from Lord Third. Lord Third turned back to Naruto, "We never told you because we didn't want you trying to communicate with the fox before you were ready to and being tricked into releasing it. Or worse, there was the chance you could be like Jinchuriki past and tap the beast's power to lash out at those who scorned you. I know you never would," Lord Third declared as Naruto started to protest, "But when I made the law ordering everyone who knew to keep quiet on pain of death, you were a child and we didn't know what kind of person you would grow up to be. I also expected the secret to stay secret, and when it didn't and you became a persecuted young man under stress that would make anyone else bitter, hateful and vengeful, there was even more risk that telling you could lead to disaster."

There was a long stretch of silence and then Hinata sat up, gave Naruto a fierce look that made his gut clench for a moment, and then his brain ground to a halt as Hinata yanked him into a kiss. When she let him up for air she looked him square in the eye and declared, "I don't care if you're the devil, I still love you." Everyone blinked and then stared. Neji in particular was utterly dumbstruck as Naruto's mouth worked mutely and then a few moments later, "You love me?" It finally caught up to Hinata what she had just done and said, and she fainted immediately, forcing Naruto to quickly reach out and catch her up in a hug. He held her head to his chest gently with a very confused expression as he stared blankly into space, trying to figure out what had just happened.

Neji breathed a sigh of relief, "Oh thank Kami the world makes sense again…" After another stretch of stunned silence, Naruto looked up at Lord Third with a glare, "Anything else you'd like to tell me?" "Yes," Kakashi grumbled. Lord Third's killing intent spiked a bit as he glared at Kakashi, then he sighed and turned back to Naruto, "I had wanted to wait until you were a more experienced shinobi and able to take care of yourself, but apparently _someone,_ " he glared at Kakashi, "thinks you need to know now. So I'm going to let _him_ tell you."

Kakashi's head snapped up and he looked over his shoulder, "Really?" Lord Third nodded, "You've gone and piqued his interest, we'll never be able to keep it from him now. So keep in mind whose child you're now openly taking responsibility for." Kakashi stepped away from the stump to give Lord Third a hard look, "Like I would've ever considered him anything less." Kakashi turned back to Naruto, "Did you know that the Fourth Hokage was my Jonin instructor?" Naruto blinked and shook his head, "No, but that is really cool. What does it have to do with me though?" Kakashi smiled slightly, "I have been given the task of being Jonin Instructor to the son of my own Jonin Instructor."

Naruto looked around, "Who?" Kakashi sighed, " _You Naruto_. You are the son of the Fourth Hokage." Hinata had woken up just in time to hear that and squeak in surprise as Naruto fainted in shock. Lord Hokage smiled slightly and then whistled. A dozen ANBU suddenly appeared and he ordered them, "Go tell everyone the law of silence about the Nine Tailed Fox's Rampage is lifted and spread the word. The son of the Fourth Hokage is alive, well and the Jail-keeper of the Nine Tailed Fox." He grinned, "Have someone organize a party so I can make Kakashi clean it up for no pay. Make it a big one." The ANBU bowed in unison, "Yes Lord Hokage," and disappeared.

"Sooo…what do we do until he wakes up?" Tenten asked.

==Meanwhile, Inside Naruto's Head==

 _So, you're the Nine Tails_ Naruto said into the void in his head. **Oh I'm sorry, you were expecting a chalk doodle of you that was labeled 'Inner self' and said all the things you were thinking but too afraid to say? Sorry, but that particular manifestation of insanity is right at home in the head of your friend Sakura. You're stuck with me. You're welcome for all the healing by the way.** Naruto had the sensation of a blink, _That was you?_

 **You think ordinary people can heal like that? I've got a vested interest in keeping you alive kid, if you die before I'm extracted then I'm gone too. It's not permanent for me but it damn sure isn't fun. By the way, before I forget, if you happen to decide you like being a girl better, do me a favor and wrap that Uchiha brat around your little finger. I've got a bone to pick with that clan and nothing would please me more than to have the last of them either dead or fawning over my host to have their heart shattered on a whim.** Naruto raised his imaginary eyebrow, _Why would I hurt my friend like that?_

An image of his female form with fiery orange flickering through her hair, more pronounced whisker marks and red slit pupiled eyes appeared in front of him, scantily clad with nine fox tails waving behind her and a sober expression, **Because that's what that damned bastard Madara did to me.** _Huh?_ The human manifestation of the Nine Tails looked away, **I don't want to talk about it. Let's just leave it at the fact that the century since then hasn't made it hurt any less.**

Naruto nodded and there was a period of silence, _You're very friendly for a village wrecking demon._ The Nine Tails laughed, **Child I have known you better than anyone since the day you were conceived. You're my first naturally male Jinchuriki of the three, and I was female to begin with, so I know motherly instincts very well, and having been able to feel everything Kushina did, I suppose I'm as much your mother as she-OW-**

A fist had suddenly appeared out of thin air to punch Nine Tails in the shoulder, quickly followed by a rapidly materializing redhead, _You are not._ The redhead tapped her foot irritably as the Nine Tails rubbed her shoulder where she had been hit and shot the redhead a sour look, **Oh come on, surely I'm at least an aunt. You can't say we weren't close.** The red head sighed, _fine, an aunt, but don't ever try to say I'm not his mother._ Nine Tails grumbled that she hadn't been saying anything like that as their conversation registered with Naruto. Then the red head turned to Naruto and leapt to hug him with a big smile, _Naruto!_

Naruto stared in shock as red hair filled his vision and he realized that this actually was his mother. _How are you here?_ Kushina pulled back and smiled, _I helped your father design the seal for the day you got Ku-_ **HEY!** _Kyubi,_ Kushina quickly amended, _and I designed it so that my spirit would be able to find you if you ever needed my advice. I can't stay long, but I want to tell you how very proud I am of you and how well you've done even with all the civilians against you. By the way don't worry, your father and I have been haunting every one of them like mad for years._ As she started to fade she smiled, _I'll be back soon to tell you how to get in touch with your father and how to stabilize the connection. We've got a lot to teach you, and we've watched and loved you every day since we-_ then she was gone.

Naruto stared at the space where she had been and Nine Tails stood up before walking over and hugging Naruto, **for what it's worth kid, I like you too.** **Now wake up so you can go make out with that little cutie Hinata.** She suddenly swept Naruto's "feet" out from under him and he fell back into his own body.

==A Moment Later==

Naruto woke up just as Lord Hokage was leaving, "Did I miss anything?" Hinata had fallen on top of him when he fainted and hadn't moved, leading to Naruto noticing that in addition to actually liking him, Hinata also had a better body than Sakura. When she heard him wake up she pulled her arms tight around his neck with a big smile and Naruto decided that being hugged was definitely better than being slugged. He smiled and hugged her back, "Well, that's worth waking up for."

"Get a room!" Tenten called with a grin making Hinata and Naruto blush, Hinata considerably more than Naruto. "At least Lord Hiashi can't complain about it," Neji declared, "His daughter found the son of the Hokage to fall for before anybody else ever even suspected." He sighed, "I guess some people are just fated to have all the luck." Lord Hokage cleared his throat, "Fate and luck are contradictory Neji. Luck implies that there is not a set outcome whereas fate does. By the way Fate is not real as there is always a chance of a different outcome. Take my grandson for example, he wants to beat me and be Hokage, but in all honesty, what are the odds of me seriously losing to a five year old?"

"It seems rather impossible," Neji replied, a little wary of where he was going with this. "Ah," Lord Hokage said, "But what if one day we are fighting, and I am not taking him seriously? Then if I should be distracted, or trip, or if I have a heart attack, then Konohamaru would win. Never simply decide something is impossible Neji. Even when you are sure of success, always take into account the possibility that you might have made a mistake or that there will be some circumstance you could not have foreseen. Do you know how one gets to be a great strategist?"

Neji shook his head, he had always thought strategy to be something for commanders, like the Main House. Branch House members were fated to be foot soldiers and would have no need of such things. "The trick to being a great strategist is to be able to think on the fly. I'm sure you have read of the Battle at Red Gulch?" Neji nodded, it was one of the most decisive battles of the Third Great War, the Fourth Hokage had turned a seemingly hopeless situation into a victory that had turned the tide of the war. "I'm sure you remember that the Fourth Hokage turned that battle around, but what I'll bet you _didn't_ know was that his Flying Raijin technique was _not_ the deciding factor in that battle. It was an important factor to be sure, but the strategy he employed was what really won the day. I asked him the next time I saw him how he did it. Do you know what he told me?"

Everyone shook their heads. "Constant improvisation and a lot of luck," Lord Hokage declared, "To be a good strategist you must be able to improvise and constantly take into account new variables as they come onto the field. The past is what we make of it. We can let it drag us down or it can spur us to ever greater heights. The future is unknowable despite our best guesses and calculations, and the present is ours to make the most of. So Neji Hyuga, what are you going to do with your present? What do _you_ want to do with your life? Throw away your fatalistic notions of fate, live _your_ life, not the life you think some divine force has arbitrarily assigned you!"

Neji looked to be struggling with that and then Lord Hokage sighed, "Fine then." He stood up on his stump, "If Kami or anyone else agrees with your notions about what "Fate" has in store for you, then may Kami blast me with a bolt of lightning right now!" There was a stunned period of silence and no lightning. Lord Hokage grinned, "See? No lightning. So listen to the wisdom of an old man who has seen a lot more of this world than you, and don't worry about it so much. You'll be a lot happier." Then he was gone in a swirl of leaves before Neji could even consider arguing.

Neji sat back, "Huh." He looked up at the sky, "So the entire world is nothing but serendipity?" "The very most Seren of any Dipities," Guy replied, "You mustn't get so caught up in the past that it trips you in your pursuit of the future. That's something you are very bad about and need to work on. I've been meaning to tell you for a while now, but if you don't stop with the assuming battles are predetermined then one day you are going to assume that one you needed to win is lost and you will just surrender, losing the opportunity and maybe even your life. Let me ask you Neji, when is the last time you felt truly satisfied with anything?"

Neji thought about it, thought about it some more, and then, "I don't remember." "Exactly," Guy declared, "By deciding that there was never a chance one way or another, you dull the edge of your pain when things go wrong, but you also mute the flavor of victory when something goes right! You haven't been living life to the fullest Neji, and it's not good for you." Guy struck a pose, "So from now on as your Jonin Commander I will personally take steps to keep you from your fatalistic tendencies and moodiness." Neji looked appropriately horrified as Lee jumped up and declared his intention to help.

Then Tenten wrapped an arm around his shoulders, "Hey Neji," Neji looked at her out the corner of his eye, "Ye-?!" He stopped in surprise as he felt something warm press to his cheek. Tenten leaned back after the kiss and grinned at a stunned Neji, "Cheer up and I might let you ask me out one of these days." When Neji just stared at her as his brain tried to restart she tilted her head towards a shocked looking Guy and Lee, "You'd better hurry though, if Lee asks, I'll say yes because I know how dedicated he'd be." She turned a smoldery look on Lee, "So Lee, what do you think about that?"

There was a round of dropped jaws and then Lee exclaimed, "I must go start planning!" He was gone in an instant, and Guy stared after him. Tenten grinned in the extremely self-satisfied manner usually reserved for exceptionally smug cats. Guy blinked a few times and then turned to Kakashi and shook his hand, "Thank you Kakashi. I think you may have just solved my team's problems and dumped an entirely fresh set in my lap." Then everyone froze as a most peculiar sound met their ears.

Neji snorted. Then he sniggered. Then he laughed until he wheezed and convulsed breathlessly. Tenten started tickling him half way through with a mischievous grin and that led to an entirely different laugh as he begged her to stop. "Totally worth it," Guy told Kakashi quietly as his student laughed for the first time he could remember.

 **AN:** _Yes, Neji is happy now and has a new outlook on life. Read on to find out what impact having that stick surgically removed from his ass will have._

 _Yes Mizuki HAD told Naruto he was a Jinchuriki, but Naruto didn't fully believe him as everything else Mizuki had said was a blatant lie, and Iruka didn't confirm it, so this is the first Naruto's actually believed it._

 _Remember that thing I said about Naruto's seal working differently in the last chapter? Yep. It is now a beacon for Minato and Kushina's ghosts so that they can come find him and talk to him in the same mind-space he converses with the fox in. This I think is far more helpful than simply having little shards of their chakra imbedded in the seal like in canon, and will assist in a lot of future therapy sessions for Kakashi as the basis for the seal and Minato and Kushina's new knowledge from being ghosts has helped them devise a general "phone a dead friend" seal, which will come into play._

 _Please note, Obito is dead. Dead, dead, dead. Madara too, is dead. VERY dead. Eyes gouged out, head lopped off and whole body cremated by Hashirama dead. They may show up as ghosts, but that. Is. IT._

 _Yes the fox inherited Kushina's motherly instincts for Naruto via emotional and mental bleed over, and will have a big sisterly type role to him as a result of having been in Naruto's head as well. The fox being in there is also the reason Naruto can assume such a sturdy female transformation._

 _Remember those altered Sharingan Mechanics? This is one of them, the Sharingan can no longer control the Great Beasts (they are not "Tailed" Beasts because it is my firm belief, given that Shukaku was never referred to as the "One Tail" {which sounds quite stupid} nor was any mention made of "Tailed Beasts" until Shippuden, that the whole Tailed Beast thing and there being nine of them was not even thought of until Shippuden and it was then retconned in, thus I am tossing it) so Madara had to convince the Nine Tails to help him out, and yes, they were very VERY close, so the Fox is very very bitter about what happened._

 _Also there are not necessarily 9 Great Beasts, in fact the more I think about it the more I doubt that number will be staying set. There will probably be many, MANY more._


	4. Chapter 4: To Business and the Party!

Chapter 4 – To Business And The Party!

After Guy left with Neji and Tenten, Kakashi turned to his team plus Hinata, "So then, now that that's settled, Hinata? Anything you want to share?" Hinata gripped Naruto's arm a little more tightly with a bright happy smile, "Nope!" Kakashi smiled, "Very good, then now we will move on to the next thing on the agenda for today, training."

An excited grin grew across Naruto's face and the corners of Sasuke's mouth twitched upward. Even Sakura was looking a bit excited. Hinata though, "Um, should I leave?" Kakashi looked at her, "Do you have somewhere you need to be?" Hinata shook her head, her timidity returning, "No, I-I just, didn't want to intrude. M-my team actually gets a day off, once a week for clan training. Today is clan training day, but father said I could train with Neji. Neji doesn't seem like he's going to be training much today though." Kakashi smiled, "Well then I guess you'll just have to train with us. How's that?"

Hinata blinked and then nodded with a smile. Kakashi proceeded to clear his throat, "Now then, as we've sorted out your personal issues, as I promised it's time for training. We will be training your strong points first to make them into true strengths. I have examined your school records closely, determined your strengths and gotten an idea of what to train you for, so just trust that I know what I'm doing with these exercises. Sakura, you will be practicing your chakra control."

Sakura nodded and Kakashi went and picked up a large branch before bringing it over and setting it down in front of her, "I want you to coat this entire branch with your chakra. It can be a thin coat, but I want you to cover every single inch of it. We will move on to the next step when you are done." Sakura nodded and quickly went to work, blue chakra quickly manifesting around her hands as she tried to spread it over the branch. Naruto rubbed his head, "As hard as Sakura hits, I would've thought her strength would be taijutsu." Sakura glared over her shoulder at him and Kakashi looked at him, "Naruto, what did I say about trusting me to know what I'm doing?" Naruto blinked and then the head rubbing went from confused to sheepish, "Oh, sorry."

Then Kakashi turned to Sasuke, "For you Sasuke, we will be working on versatility. I'm going to test your nin gen and taijutsu, and then teach you new tricks to maximize your versatility and see where your true talent lies since you consistently performed equally well in all three during the academy." He manifested a shadow clone and the shadow clone led Sasuke away to get started.

Kakashi turned to Naruto, "Naruto, your strengths are in your endurance, determination, speed and ability to improvise. So I want you to make a few shadow clones to run laps around the clearing, a few to stay here and spar with Hinata, and the original will come with me." Naruto grinned, "Shadow clone Jutsu!" A dozen shadow clones popped into existence. Naruto directed five of them to run laps and they all immediately wanted to know why they had to do that instead of getting to stay with Hinata. Hinata blushed crimson with delight and Kakashi raised a hand to quell the protests, "You all collapse back into one Naruto when dissipated with all the memories of each shadow clone. It doesn't matter which of you run and which of you stay with Hinata because at the end of the day you get all the memories anyway." The Narutos all thought about it for a moment and then a couple went to run laps, with Kakashi quickly turning it into a one hundred lap race and egging them on to go faster and faster.

A few moments later Kakashi made a shadow clone and led the original Naruto off to do nobody was sure what. A short walk later Naruto found himself looking at a square cut beam almost as long as he was tall, and about as thick as he was wide. "Stand the log up on its end," Kakashi instructed, "No shadow clones." Naruto immediately bent over the beam and started trying to lift it. He managed to get it maybe three inches off the ground before he had to put it back down. Kakashi looked at him, "It's all about technique Naruto. You have to lift with your arms and legs not just your back."

Naruto frowned in confusion and Kakashi demonstrated by flipping the beam once himself. The beam had a perfectly square end and when Kakashi flipped it onto that end it just wobbled a little and then stood there. Kakashi gestured to the beam, "Once you've got it upright like this, I will call out a strike that I want you to knock it back down with. Once it's back down we'll start again. If you flip it completely over, it doesn't count. Now, knock it down with a straight punch."

Naruto leapt at the beam, a fist pulled back, and was snatched out of the air by the back of the flak jacket before he could get close, "No Naruto, that is a flying hook punch." Kakashi set Naruto down, "Now get into a stance aimed at the beam." Naruto turned his shoulder to the beam and spread his feet a little. Kakashi nearly face palmed. "No," Kakashi said patiently, "That is not a stance. Move your back foot back." Naruto moved his back foot about three inches and Kakashi sighed before squatting down, picking Naruto's foot up and setting it in the proper place. Kakashi physically moved Naruto's legs into position for a solid back stance.

Kakashi straightened up, "Ok Naruto, your Academy records said you were terrible at Taijutsu, but I didn't realize it was quite this bad. So we'll start with the basics. This stance you're in now is a back stance. It is a standard defensive stance, but if you know how to use it, you can mount an effective lower body offense with it as well." Naruto frowned, "How would I launch an attack from a defensive stance?" Kakashi resisted the urge to sigh and slowly settled into a back stance aimed at the beam, "Watch."

He flicked his back foot and shot forward a few inches, pulling his leg up as he went and driving a side kick into the beam a little over halfway up. The beam promptly fell over as Kakashi put his foot back down into his stance. Naruto blinked and then, "Show me how to do that!" "Volume Naruto," Kakashi said calmly, "Yes that is in fact what I am here to do. Now get back into your stance." Naruto quickly settled half into a back stance and Kakashi quickly corrected his form.

Kakashi nodded, "Now then, I want you to make as many shadow clones as you can, _but first_!" He interjected as Naruto went to follow his instructions immediately, "I want to explain to you why we are postponing your endurance training." Naruto blinked, "Huh? We are?" Kakashi nodded, "You now return Hinata's crush on you, right?" Naruto blushed slightly and nodded as Kakashi continued, "Did you know that Hinata's clan is comprised of a great many of Hidden Leaf's most skilled taijutsu specialists?"

Naruto shook his head and Kakashi continued, "They are, so what do you think her father, a taijutsu _master_ , would think of her bringing home a boy who couldn't even get into a proper basic stance?" Naruto paled and Kakashi asked, "He would probably be pretty upset by that don't you think? You don't want him to have any reason to keep you away from Hinata do you?"

Naruto was as white as a sheet and then Kakashi patted him on the shoulder, "So, are you going to train your taijutsu as hard as you can with everything you've got?" "YEAH!" Naruto exclaimed, "I'M NOT LETTING SOMETHING AS STUPID AS BAD TAIJUTSU GET BETWEEN ME AND HINATA!" Kakashi smiled, "Very good, so get those shadow clones ready and let's get started." "Multi-shadow-clone jutsu!" A flood of smoke later there were a few hundred Narutos in the clearing and Kakashi looked around in shock, "That is a _lot_ of Shadow-clones. This might not take as long as I thought…"

==About An Hour Later==

Hiashi Hyuga looked up as there was a knock at the door of his study, "Come in." Neji opened the door, waved in a stiff exaggerated and comical way more reminiscent of Lee, "Uncle I have come to report that Hinata has finally overcome her shyness and admitted her feelings to Naruto, which he returns. Lord Third has repealed the law of silence about the Nine Tails Rampage and Naruto is to be publically acknowledged as the Jinchuriki of the Nine Tailed Fox and he is also the son of the Fourth Hokage, which is to be publically acknowledged as well. I would also like to report that I have overcome my fatalistic notions about Fate and I will be making the most of every day now."

He dropped the hand which hadn't moved from where he had waved with it, slid the door closed and walked off. Hiashi blinked at the incredibly bizarre report from his nephew and just as he was about to go back to his paperwork the door slid back open. Hiashi looked back up as Neji poked his head in and said completely deadpan, "I would also like to inform you that I have long since uncovered the root of Hinata's confidence problems to be her fear of your disapproval and the way to fix them is to, as Lord Hokage put it, get that ginormous stick out of your ass and smile once in a while. I am going to go work on being cheerful now. Have a nice day."

He pulled his head back out, slid the door closed and left Hiashi utterly befuddled wondering if he really had _that much_ of a stick up his ass. Maybe it _was_ time to lighten up a bit…

Neji actually made it back out of the compound before he lost his composure and nearly collapsed howling with laughter. Guy and Tenten just waited for him, neither at all sure how to deal with this strange new _happy_ Neji that had somehow come into existence.

==That Evening==

It was official, Naruto thought tiredly as he and Hinata walked through the festival, when Lord Hokage called for a big party, there would _be_ a big party. They stopped at Ichiraku's and sat down, Naruto wearily ordering before Teuchi and Ayame both came out to hug, congratulate and tell him that tonight all the ramen he wanted was on the house. Hinata blushed crimson and almost fell off her stool when Naruto introduced her as his girlfriend and Teuchi declared she could eat free too.

Then she went from tomato red to ghost white as her father sat down next to her, "One bowl of something good." "Two!" Hanabi chirped as she popped up next to her father. There was a long moment of silence and then Hiashi looked over at Hinata, who looked liable to faint from terror at any given moment, "Aren't you going to introduce us Hinata?" Hinata's hand weakly landed on Naruto's shoulder, distracting him from his ramen and allowing him to notice Hiashi and Hanabi. "N-naruto, t-t-this is my f-f-f-father and s-s-s-sister…"

Now that Naruto was paying attention he noticed Hinata shaking and, mistaking it to be a sign of cold as he had never noticed her trembling before, pulled off his coat (A new one that Kakashi had gotten him the day before which Naruto didn't realize was highly reminiscent of his father's except in a dark red) and draped it across her shoulders with concern, "Are you alright Hinata? You're shaking." Hinata blushed and nodded slightly as she pulled the coat a little bit tighter around herself. Ayame turned around just then and almost dropped Hiashi's ramen in shock at the sight before nudging her father who looked over his shoulder, swapped a surprised look with her and then shrugged before going back to cooking.

It was right about then that Naruto remembered he was supposed to be being polite. He bowed as much as he could to Hiashi without falling off his stool and then straightened up, "Hi Hinata's dad. Would it be okay if I date Hinata? I know my taijutsu's not very good, but I promise I'll work on it! Kakashi-sensei's had me and two hundred of my shadow clones running taijutsu drills all day and I'll do it every day until I'm good enough for Hinata." All the breath went out of Hinata and her trembling was stilled in shock. Then she started to keel over in a happy faint only for Naruto to reach over and catch her with a worried, "H-Hinata! Are you sure you're okay?!" Hinata smiled and snuggled into him a little unconsciously in the moment before she came to.

Then Hinata came to, looked woozily up at Naruto, then over at her father, back up at Naruto, smiled, closed her eyes and breathed a little contented sigh. Her peaceful happy expression lasted almost a full sixty seconds before it caught up to her that her father was within arm's reach of her. She sat bolt upright in terror, "Oh! I-I-I…" Hiashi laid a hand on her shoulder and gave her a calm steady look causing her to quickly go silent, "I approve."

Hinata blinked in surprise, "R-r-really?" Hiashi smiled, "Really. However…" his gaze flicked over her head to look Naruto in the eye with the most imperious, terrifying, Hyuga Clan-Head, Byakugan death glare he could muster, which conveniently came with enough Killing Intent to make the whole street stop and look, " _If you hurt my daughter I will make you regret being born._ _ **Understand?!**_ "

Naruto paled a little and then he blinked, "Why the hell would I ever hurt Hinata?! She's my girlfriend and I'm not giving her up for anything!" Hiashi smiled and the Killing Intent abated, "Good answer."

Then Hiashi turned to the crowd that had stopped to watch and did something that nearly made everyone who knew anything about him faint in shock. With a smile and a small wave he cheerfully declared, "You heard it first folks. Hinata Hyuga is dating Naruto Namikaze the son of the Fourth Hokage. Anyone who has a problem with it has full permission to blow me."

Then he turned right around and started happily eating his ramen like nothing had happened. Hanabi and Hinata in particular were staring, but so was everybody else. Then Naruto started laughing so hard he nearly fell off his stool, "Oh man! Hinata, your dad's awesome!" It finally clicked with Hinata that her father had just very publically declared his approval of her, _and_ of her relationship with Naruto. There were happy tears in her eyes as she suddenly tackled her father in a hug, "Yes he is."

==Three Weeks Later==

Naruto sent Sasuke flying backwards out of the ring Kakashi had marked off for them. It was the first time Kakashi had let them spar since they started training. Naruto didn't just send Sasuke flying though, Sasuke smacked into a tree hard enough that he took several minutes to get up and almost threw up when he did. "What…What the hell?!" Sasuke panted, certain his stomach was already bruising from where Naruto's foot had connected.

Sakura was staring with her mouth hanging open in shock and Kakashi looked slightly bemused, "Thought that might happen." "What?" Sasuke panted, still having not entirely caught his breath yet. "Weeell," Kakashi drawled, "You know how Naruto can spam two hundred shadow clones at a time easily?" "What about it?" Sasuke asked as he started to straighten up. "Well shadow clones relay all memories to the original when dispersed. So having two hundred Narutos train at the same time for nine hours a day five days a week for three weeks, Naruto's actually crammed in about three years' worth of nonstop to the point of inhumane training in the last three weeks. He's been so mentally and physically fatigued I almost made him skip every other day, but he's been handling it well so far with no signs of fatigue after a good night's sleep and a big meal, so…" Kakashi shrugged.

"Th…th…three _years?!"_ Sasuke exclaimed in horror. "Oh don't be such a crybaby," Kakashi replied dismissively, "Once your Sharingan activates you'll be able to learn ninjutsu after seeing them done _once_." Sakura stared at the three of them, pale and her eye twitching slightly with her jaw hanging slightly open, "I'm totally useless to you three aren't I?" Kakashi's gaze snapped to her, "Nonsense." "But they…" Sakura started only for Kakashi to cut her off, "Nonsense, and I'll prove it! You managed to coat that beam I brought you three days ago right? And you did it with one hand, right?"

Sakura nodded. Kakashi had brought her Naruto's old beam after Naruto moved up to a heavier one and Sakura had quickly managed to coat it with her chakra. It had been easy after the crooked and odd contours of the branch, but she still didn't know what she was doing it for. Kakashi nodded, "Good. Do it now. You're about to see what I've been training you to do." Sakura went over to the beam curiously and laid a hand on the beam, quickly applying a thin layer of chakra over it.

Kakashi nodded, "Good, now remove as much of your hand from the surface as you can while still maintaining the chakra coat." Sakura nodded and slowly eased all but her index and middle fingers off the beam. Then Kakashi smiled, "Now, try to move it with your chakra." Sakura blinked and willed it to wiggle. The chakra coat wiggled it. Hardly daring to believe it might be possible she stood up and willed it to rise. Her breath caught and she nearly started hyperventilating with shock and excitement as the wooden beam which weighed as much or more than she did rose from the ground heedless of gravity in its chakra sheath. It just hung in the air parallel to the ground, stuck to the points of her fingers like a static charged balloon.

Sasuke and Naruto were staring and Kakashi was grinning smugly, "See? Told you I know what I'm doing. Now throw it." Sakura turned and swung, willing the chakra to release as she came around. The immense beam flew like a javelin and almost smashed down a tree that was thicker than it was. Any human would likely have been crushed on impact.

Sakura stared at it in shock and awe along with everyone except Kakashi, who was still wearing that smug grin. Then she looked at her hands and started shaking with excitement and laughter, "I'm…I'm cool." Her voice cracked and she started crying happy tears as she clasped her hands to her mouth, "I'm finally cool…" Then she threw her hands in the air and spun laughing, "I'M COOL! I'M COOL! I'M NOT _USELESS!"_

Sasuke stared in shock as the two people he had been so dismissive of for so long, including one who had utterly despised the other less than a month earlier, grabbed each others' hands and danced in a circle singing, "We're so awesome! We're so awesome!" Then he yelped as Kakashi grabbed him and made him join the circle with him and sang, "Yes we a-are, now I hope you're rea-dy, cause we leave on a mi-ssion tomorrow!" The spinning stopped as Squad Seven exclaimed in unison, "WHAT?!" Kakashi paused in his dancing and singing, "Oh are we stopping now? Terrible pity, it's been a long time since I've had an excuse to dance around like a four-year old."

"What kind of mission do we have?" Naruto asked excitedly, completely overlooking the subtle jibe. "Oh just a little C-Rank," Kakashi replied nonchalantly, "we'll be acting as bodyguards for a fellow on his way home to the Land of Waves." "A C-Rank?" Sakura asked, "But don't most genin have to do a lot of D-Ranks before ever being allowed to do a C-Rank?"

"Normally yes," Kakashi replied with a smile, "but those are just the instructors' way of getting back at their genin for being annoying. They're usually punishment missions for shinobi who screw up and do something stupid or make the higher ups mad. You three however have all been doing very well, so we're going to see how you do on an actual mission. I would've grabbed that one with the definite bandits, but I had a good feeling about this one, so we'll meet at the front gates tomorrow morning at 9. Don't be late. You get the rest of today off to go pack and prepare. We should be gone for about two weeks." He waved cheerfully, "Bye now." Then he disappeared in a swirl of leaves.

 **AN:** _For those wondering about the amount of training Naruto's clones let him squeeze into that three week time frame, yes, I did the math. It really does add up that fast. I expect that's why the Multi-Shadow-Clone jutsu is a forbidden one._

 _I sincerely hope you enjoy the new happy Hyugas. I know that seemed extremely out of character for Neji and Hiashi, but rest assured Neji will mellow out a bit, he's just a bit high on his "I'm not fated to be inferior/Kami doesn't necessarily have it in for me" revelation. As for Hiashi, well he needed the stick out of his ass, and he would never have had it there if he'd known it was hurting his baby girl, so yanking it out and threatening to beat anyone who disapproved of her with it seemed like a good way for him to try and fix his mistakes._

 _Yes, this was a definite happy turning point in Hinata's relationship with her father, and until her wedding day she'll remember this as the best day of her life, even then it will be a very close second. Yes, that does mean NaruHina is happening. Why? It's believable in this situation and I like it. If you don't like it and want a story where it's not, go check out "Fallen Leaves" because there's no way in hell it's happening in that one._

 _You remember that thing I said in the Author Note back in Chapter 2 about Tsunade's strength being chakra manipulation telekinesis? Yep. That's what Sakura just used. Why? Because physics cringe when they watch this show, so an explanation is needed. Explanation: Chakra sheath = screw gravity_


	5. Chapter 5: Rebels of the Mist

Chapter 5 – Rebels of the Mist

==The Next Day==

"Why does the blonde girl look like she's going on vacation?" Tazuna asked as he caught sight of Naruto. "Because," Kakashi replied, "Naruto likes to mess with people." Naruto was indeed in female form and she also had a transformation up to hide her armor, make her coat look like a cheerful red sundress and her hitai ate into a sun hat. Her pack had been disguised as a beach bag and Kakashi wasn't quite sure what the umbrella really was.

As he approached and his students turned to meet him, surprised that he was actually on time for once, he asked, "Naruto, what's with the umbrella?"Naruto grinned, grabbed the umbrella off her back and set its end on the ground with a loud thump before releasing the transformation to reveal the beam that Sakura had thrown the day before, "Sakura wanted to bring it along in case she needed to hit something, but it wouldn't fit in any of her seals so I'm carrying it."

Tazuna gaped and Kakashi smiled thinking _Serves you right for doubting my team_. Outwardly he patted Tazuna on the shoulder, "Team, this is Tazuna. He's our client. Now be nice, and don't smack him with the umbrella like you do each other." Tazuna shot him a horrified look as Squad 7 grinned. Kakashi's smile widened, _Oh yeah, this is going to be a FUN mission,_ "Shall we be off then?"

==An Hour Later==

Tazuna was staring in shock at the heavily armored young man who had just dismantled the two assassins that had sprung from the puddle. He pointed as Naruto tied the two assassins up in their own saw chain, "Who the hell are you?" Naruto looked at him and transformed back into his female form, shooting Tazuna a wink that made him nearly faint in shock. Sakura patted him on the shoulder, "Don't worry Mr. Tazuna, Naruto does that." "Is she a boy or a girl?" "Nobody's quite sure anymore," Sasuke replied with a shrug and a straight face, "She doesn't try to get me to ask him out, so I don't mind her except when he's being an idiot." "Now you're just screwin with me kid!" Tazuna exclaimed.

"What tipped you off?" Kakashi replied with a grin as he strolled out of the trees. Tazuna's jaw dropped, "But you were dead! I saw them slice you to ribbons right the-" he pointed at the spot and saw nothing but a thoroughly torn up tree branch where Kakashi's corpse had been. He stared at it like it was from outer space, "But…but… _how?!_ " Sakura patted him on the shoulder with a patient smile, "We _are_ ninjas Mr. Tazuna. It's what we do. That's why you hired us right?" Tazuna stared at her like she was a pink and purple polka-dotted zebra.

"After all," Kakashi added, "Being nice to clients who lie to us about the mission they're hiring us for is extra since we really don't like it when people do that. Now then, let's find out who these two are." He pulled out a pair of kunai and used them as drum sticks on the assassins' helmets. When they woke up he stabbed them both in the shoulder. When they finished yowling in pain, Kakashi leaned down and smiled at first one and then the other of them, "So, who are you, who sent you and if you don't answer my questions or try to lie to me I'll use you as practice dummies for my med-nin in training over there."

The assassins paled, amateur med-nin had a reputation for being more dangerous to the people they tried to help than the people they wanted to hurt, "We're the Demon Brothers, missing-nin from Hidden Mist." "And who sent you?" Kakashi asked. The two brothers appeared to be debating with themselves and then Kakashi called, "Oh Sakura, I believe one of these two gentlemen was just castrated, do you suppose you could help me stick that back on?" "What?!" Sakura exclaimed, "But sensei I don't…" "Zabuza Momochi!" one of the assassins declared as he hurriedly crossed his legs.

"And why does Zabuza want us or our client dead?" "We got a contract to kill the bridge builder, Zabuza sent us to do it." Kakashi thought about it for a few moments, "While we're on the topic of that, how many are in your band of missing-nin?" "Not many," one said weakly, "Just those of us who were loyal to Zabuza and didn't like the way the Fourth Mizukage was running things." "The grapevine's been a little bare about goings on in the Land of Water recently," Kakashi declared with a smile, "Care to tell me what's been going on over there while you still have your kidneys?"

"The Fourth Mizukage ordered the extermination of all kekkai genkai users in the Land of Water to cut down on the number of people who could challenge him," one of the brothers said quietly. "It's never been peaceful in Mist, but ever since he took over it's been Hell," the other added quietly. "A lot of our friends were killed because of him," the brother on the left said, "So when Zabuza asked if we wanted to help with a coup, we were all for it. We never stood a chance against him. He brought that damn demon turtle out and flattened over half the village. Our group is nothing but the survivors struggling to make ends meet."

Kakashi nodded, "I see. Well we're going to have you sent back to Hidden Leaf and you can tell our interrogators all about it." Then he knocked them out. "Naruto, make a few dozen clones and have them carry these two back to the village. I'm going to write a note to the Hokage about what they said and that we'll be charging Mr. Tazuna for an A-Rank rather than a C." Tazuna and Sakura paled, "An A-Rank?" Sakura asked. "Confidence Sakura," Kakashi told her calmly as he pulled out some paper and a pencil, "Confidence. We talked about this remember? I would never drag you into a hopeless situation without a plan and backup."

Sakura blushed slightly and nodded.

==Three Days Later==

The immense sword thudded as it bit into the folded umbrella that was really a massive wooden beam as Naruto threw the umbrella in between the sword and her team and was nearly knocked flat for her effort. "The hell?!" came a voice from the mist. "Sakura, sword," Kakashi ordered quickly. Sakura quickly grabbed the hilt of the sword and sheathed it in her chakra, allowing her to pull it out of the umbrella and hold it as easily as a feather in the best defensive position she could muster. There had been a few weeks of extremely basic training with every weapon imaginable in the Academy, including swords, but Sakura was by no means good or really even adequate with one.

Zabuza raised an eyebrow, _a little girl knew how to do that? And how in the hell did a girl smaller than Haku who looked like she was on her way to the beach stop Kubikiribocho midflight with an umbrella?_ "Now Zabuza," Kakashi called calmly, "Do you really want your first interaction with the Leaf since your defection from Mist to be a bad one? The Mizukage's an abhorrent tyrant from what I've heard, wouldn't you rather be playing nice and seeing if Leaf might help for humanitarian reasons?"

Zabuza blinked, _The hell?_ He swapped a glance with Haku and Haku shrugged, apparently every bit as confused as he was. "Do you really think the Hokage would condone the hunting and massacre of Kekkai Genkai users? If the Mizukage doesn't want them we'd be delighted to have them," Kakashi called. Zabuza swapped a glance with Haku as they considered the Leaf nin's words, and then Kakashi continued, "We haven't acted because we didn't know what was going on. Half a village getting flattened by a demon turtle is something we tend to take refugees after, and we do have a good record with the whole aiding enemies of our enemies thing. How do you think we got our alliance with Sand?"

Zabuza looked at Haku, his expression saying, _"He's got a point."_ Haku shrugged, bowed and gestured in a way that clearly said, " _After you."_ Zabuza exhaled near silently, looked up at the sky, _"I must be out of my mind…"_ He motioned for Haku to stay put, made a Water Clone to draw their attention, and Body Flickered up onto a branch to observe, and attack if necessary. The clone walked out of the mist to face the Leaf nin, "How do I know I can trust you?"

A finger tapped him on the shoulder and Zabuza nearly fell off the branch as Kakashi looked him in the eye with his Sharingan and a grin as he twirled a kunai on his finger, "Well for one, you'd be dead right about now if you couldn't."

Zabuza stared in shock, that was just f***in' spooky.

==Two Days Later==

As Tazuna stared at the half dozen shinobi gathered around his dining room table, he idly wondered just exactly what he had done to deserve having these half dozen whack-a-doodles inflicted upon him. Maybe it was because he lied about the mission to the Leaf people? Tazuna silently swore to never lie again as the brunette that had been with the giant sword guy and the blonde started a transforming contest, turning into girls and guys and back again before turning into their chaperones and then the other kids and then Tazuna and his family.

The other two kids, were they really kids? They seemed way too strong to be kids, were trying to hold back nosebleeds as the two shapeshifters suddenly transformed their clothes into clouds and switched through every possible combination of genders. The blue haired girl declared the brunette the winner and then the blonde asked if she was sure as he/she/they turned into a naked copy of the third teammate and the blue haired girl promptly had such a massive nosebleed that she nearly passed out. The Jonin were chatting amiably and Inari looked like he was about to have a meltdown from seeing so much cheerful zaniness in one place.

Tazuna shakily took a chug of sake and watched Inari out the corner of his, _3…2…1…_ "ARE YOU ALL OUT OF YOUR MINDS?!" Inari exploded, "AND ARE YOU BOYS OR GIRLS?! I CAN'T TELL! WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE?!" The six shinobi looked at him as though that were a very silly question, then they all swapped glances, and then there was a storm of smoke as they all started flickering through transformations as fast as the blonde and brunette had. They all stopped on "pretty girl" and the one that had been the silver haired Jonin, at least Tazuna thought that was who it was, smiled at Inari, "We're whatever we want to be."

Inari's eye twitched slightly as he stared at them. Then he stood up, patted Tazuna on the shoulder, "Grandpa, Mommy, I'm going to bed now." Tazuna nodded, "That sounds like a good idea. Ok um," he was unsure how to address the shinobi so he just waved his hands at them in an encompassing gesture, "y'all, I'm going to go resume working on my bridge tomorrow. I'll leave you to decide what to do about that. The fate of my country is in your hands. Have a nice night." He went off to bed with Tsunami not far behind him and before he went to sleep that night Tazuna added a prayer for sanity to his usual list.

==Meanwhile==

The atmosphere in the dining room had shifted drastically once the shinobi were certain the civilians were asleep. Where only moments before there had been cheerfully festive madness, now there was an air of tension like a massive brawl about to erupt. Everyone had returned to their natural forms, even Naruto had dropped the act. Zabuza's massive blade reappeared on his back as it grew back to regular size from where he had transformed it to a less threatening form before arriving. Naruto lifted and set the umbrella up between him and Sakura before releasing the transformation to reveal the massive wooden beam with an eight inch deep gash in it where Zabuza's sword had hit it two days earlier. If Sasuke's Sharingan were active it would have flared to life as the temperature in the room dropped. Kakashi pushed his forehead protector up to reveal _his_ Sharingan and his gaze met Zabuza's, "So, let's talk."

"Yes," Zabuza replied, "First of all what happened to the Demon Brothers? I know you did something to them." "They got knocked out, had their helmets used for drums, stabbed in the shoulder to make my point and threatened with an amateur med-nin as they were briefly interrogated," Kakashi declared without missing a beat, "They told us about what the Mizukage has been up to and as this was the first information we've had out of Mist in years, I decided to send them back to Hidden Leaf to give a full report to the Hokage. They were tied up, but the note I sent with them should ensure that they won't be treated too harshly."

Zabuza nodded, "Fair enough. You said the Leaf might help for humanitarian reasons and that you hadn't acted because you didn't know what that bastard Mizukage was doing to our people. Is that true?" "I doubt we'll be able to mobilize a full invasion of Mist with the aim of dethroning the Mizukage," Kakashi answered, "at least not immediately. However, I think we could and probably will start taking refugees. I think that's a crucial step towards getting a big enough stir made to storm Hidden Mist." "And how exactly do you plan to beat the Mizukage? That damn turtle flattened half the village in less than five minutes just by rolling over it." "We've got the Nine Tailed Fox," Kakashi replied quietly.

Zabuza and Haku swapped a glance. "That might do it," Haku said quietly. Zabuza nodded before turning back to Kakashi, "So, what would we have to do to get this help?" "For starters, no killing our client," Kakashi said bluntly, "After that just come back to Hidden Leaf with us and tell the Hokage what's been going on. If you want to kill Gato that would probably be points in your favor with the Hokage. Lord Third hates men like that."

Zabuza and Haku swapped a glance, "Can you give us some time to think it over? I'm sure you can understand that after all this time on the run, what you're saying sounds almost too good to be true." Kakashi nodded, "Of course. Take all the time you need, but be warned, if you decide to complete the job Gato gave you, we will do everything in our power to protect Tazuna and if we have to kill you to do that, we will." Zabuza nodded, "I would expect no less. Come on Haku." He got up and headed for the door, Haku quickly following him.

Haku paused in the door and looked over her shoulder at them with a smile, "If we do not meet again, then it was very nice to meet all of you. Take care!"


	6. Chapter 6: Things That Get Me In Trouble

=Chapter 6 – Things That Will Get Me In Trouble=

==The Next Day==

Kakashi rousted all his students out of bed. He'd had the last watch so he was already wide awake, "Wakey wakey rise and shine!" There was much grumbling but soon the genin were dressed and outside on the pier. Kakashi smiled, "Ok students, now since we don't know what our Mist friends or Gato will do now, we need to stay close to the house until Tazuna goes to start work on his bridge, at which point we'll follow him and leave one person here to guard Tazuna's family. So, for today's training," He skipped backwards off the pier and landed right on top of the water, "Sakura, you will be learning how to walk on water. Don't worry, I'll start you off in the shallows."

He walked back up to the pier as effortlessly as if the water had been the pier itself before casually hopping back up onto it, "And Naruto and Sasuke will be learning how to generate chakra blasts from their hands and feet which can be used as a means of propulsion or attack. Technically what Sakura's doing is a more advanced form of this, but I'll be teaching Naruto and Sasuke how to do it wrong before I show them how to do it right since the wrong way will actually be more beneficial to their taijutsu. If any of you are doubting me, just think about your training so far."

The doubtful looks that had settled on Sasuke and Naruto's faces cleared away immediately as they recalled their earlier skepticism. Kakashi nodded, "Very good. Now then, let's get started. All three of you on your toes and force chakra out through the soles of your feet as hard as you can." The genin complied and if any of them were less than fully awake, they weren't after they landed. Naruto in particular flew almost twenty feet in the air and fell to a screaming landing in the lake. Sasuke only bounced five feet in the air, but he landed on the spot where Naruto had been and went through the pier as it collapsed beneath him from the huge force Naruto's chakra had exerted on it. Sakura only bounced two feet, but she didn't fall down until she lost her balance as she landed on a six inch cushion of chakra between the soles of her feet and the pier.

As Naruto and Sasuke dragged themselves back onto the pier Kakashi smiled at them, "Now think about that kind of force loaded into a punch." Naruto, Sasuke and Sakura's eyes all immediately got very wide as they realized where Kakashi was going with this and then Naruto and Sasuke grinned. "Now before we go any further," Kakashi said quickly, "Let's talk about chakra efficiency, meaning how effectively you use your chakra. This is directly related to chakra control, which is a very important aspect of all nin and genjutsu."

"Since Sakura has the greatest chakra control," Kakashi continued, "She is getting more than you two," he looked at Sasuke and Naruto, "out of her jutsu. By my estimates, she has a chakra efficiency of about 80%. This means that she is only losing about twenty percent of the strength of her jutsu due to lack of control. By contrast, you Sasuke are functioning at about half capacity." Sasuke flinched and Kakashi turned to Naruto, "And Naruto, you have utterly terrible control. You are functioning at about a _tenth_ of your chakra's potential." All three genin stared at him and then at Naruto who pointed at the sky, "You mean I could've gone ten times that high?!"

Kakashi nodded, "Yep. Which is why I'm teaching you this exercise. Once you manage to get the hang of expelling your jutsu through various body parts, and apply that knowledge in combat, I'm going to show you and Sasuke how to alter the shape and nature of your chakra. Sakura, I have something very different in mind for you, so I'm going to be showing you how to control your chakra to the maximum efficiency and then we are going to work on increasing your chakra capacity."

He manifested a Shadow Clone, "So let's get to work!"

==Evening, Three Days Later==

The discharge from Naruto's chakra blast punch sent the large log he had been aiming at flying and went on to rip small branches off trees a hundred feet into the forest like a tornado moving through. Sasuke stared as the shadow clone Kakashi had sent to train them while he guarded the house nodded, "Very good. You've got the chakra blast punch down pat. Sasuke, your turn." Sasuke steeled himself and willed his chakra into his hand as he settled into his stance. He shifted his stance and threw the reverse punch with his whole body, mustering less than a tenth the force Naruto had.

He still sent the log skidding backwards and almost toppling over despite having pulled his punch an inch from it as Kakashi had instructed, the same way Naruto had, but it still left him feeling very weak. Kakashi nodded, "Very good. Naruto, you have approximately tripled your efficiency, meaning you only need to triple it again," Naruto groaned slightly, "and Sasuke you appear to be up to 75%." Sasuke looked slightly mortified and Kakashi patted him on the head, "Don't worry Sasuke, nobody expects you to match a Jinchuriki. Everyone knows their chakra levels are beyond human." Kakashi looked over his shoulder, "How ya doing over there Sakura?" Sakura was whirling the beam around her in a standard bojutsu kata while moving on the water and maintaining her control of the beam with the lightest amount of contact she could manage. She was sweating profusely and so focused that she didn't even hear him. Kakashi smiled, "Good enough."

He turned back to Naruto and Sasuke, "Now then, the fun part. Do either of you know my moniker?" Naruto and Sasuke shook their heads and Kakashi smiled, "I am known to many as "the Copy Ninja" because I have used my Sharingan to copy hundreds of jutsu, including a great many trademark techniques that would get me in a lot of trouble if those clans knew I used them, and even more if they knew I have every intention of passing them onto you two and Sakura. However, that is one of the perks of being my students rather than someone else's. So, while we're far away from prying eyes, who wants to learn things that'll get me in trouble?" Naruto and Sasuke stared and then grinned from ear to ear.

Kakashi's grin widened, "Then let's get started." Sakura bounced back up onto the pier panting, "Get started with what Kakashi sensei?" Kakashi looked over his shoulder, "Finished?" Sakura nodded, "I just finished my tenth repetition, but if I go any longer I'm going to hit chakra exhaustion." Kakashi nodded, "Very good. Come have one of these." Sakura walked over and accepted the small pill he handed her, "What is it?" "A mild soldier pill," Kakashi replied, "it's fast acting and will restore a bit of your chakra so you can start in on this new section of your training. Don't worry, it's not a seventy-two-hour pill and you won't be ready to drop when it's run its course, but you will sleep like a rock tonight."

Sakura nodded and popped the pill, "So Kakashi senseEEEI!" Her eyes flew open as the pill took effect and chakra erupted around her in a large glowing blue nimbus for an instant. She staggered slightly with wide eyes, "Whoa…" Kakashi blinked and looked at the container he had taken the pill from frowning, it was supposed to be equal to five percent of his own chakra pool. While hardly enough to be noticeable for him, it should've allowed any normal genin to go full tilt for at least an hour or two after taking it, but Sakura had reacted to it almost like having a 72 hour pill solution injected straight to a major vein.

Better known as a "suicide supercharge", such solutions were weapons of last resort among shinobi in the field due to the issues that could come with stressing the chakra system by applying 72 hours worth of chakra to it. Shinobi could burn out their chakra systems completely if the pill they used was made for someone stronger than them or just tear their bodies apart with the massively increased strength it imparted. If one Chunin took another Chunin's solution, they would probably be ok, but if for example a genin took a Suicide Supercharge meant for a Jonin, it would be equivalent to opening several of the Eight Chakra Gates, the higher the level difference the more damage could be done by the solution. For Sakura to have this strong a reaction to a soldier pill that was only 5% of Kakashi's was mind boggling and highly worrisome. _She really has that little chakra? I must've been drastically underestimating her control and efficiency. I've got to burn that chakra out of her or there's no telling what the strain could do to her chakra system…_

Aloud he just said, "Hmm, must be stronger than I thought. Well, forget sleeping like a rock tonight Sakura, in fact, just forget sleeping for oh, probably at least twenty four hours. Before we get started, would you like to try what Naruto and Sasuke have been doing?" Sakura still looked like she was on drugs and nodded, her gaze going to the log, "I just punch the log with my chakra right?" "that's right," Kakashi replied. Sakura nodded, "I can do that."

She suddenly moved so fast she blurred and slammed a kick into the log, blasting it with chakra from the arch of her foot. The log went flying almost twenty feet and shook the tree it hit. Sasuke was mortified, Naruto was impressed, and Kakashi was mildly shocked. _No way,_ he thought, "Sakura, I want you to coat yourself in a layer of chakra like you do your beam and then try to pick yourself up with it." A moment later Sakura was glowing and floating off the ground, still on her wild chakra high, "Like this sensei?" Kakashi, Naruto and Sasuke all stared in shocked silence as Sakura levitated and seemed to swim like a lazy fish through the air, "Sensei? This is weird, are you sure you gave me the right pill?"

She floated over towards Sasuke like she was in a trance. Her eyes met his upside down and she twisted so that she was right side up before looking at him in a most unnerving way. "What?" Sasuke asked as he started to get very uncomfortable. Before he could protest Sakura grabbed him by the lapels and yanked him into a kiss. She was clearly trying to make it a good one and after a moment Sasuke gave up and started kissing her back. Then Sakura broke off the kiss and floated back away from him a little bit with a slightly confused and disinterested look, "Huh, no fireworks…"

She floated upside down and twisted her way through the air over to Naruto like an eel, "Naruto, does it feel like fireworks in your head when you kiss Hinata?" "Um yeah kinda-?!" Sakura lunged and kissed him the same way she had Sasuke. Naruto looked utterly stunned and Sakura broke off the kiss a moment later. She hadn't tried nearly as hard to make that kiss a good one, but she was smiling at Naruto. She slid around him in the air like some kind of flying snake looking at him, "Mmm…I wonder why…" She twisted and curled up in the air, covering her giggles with her hands, "I get it now! I was trying too hard! Ah well, spark's gone. Guess I'll have to find someone new…" She floated back around Naruto and slapped him on the ass. She grinned slyly as Naruto jumped half out of his skin, "Hinata's a lucky girl, cha?"

She floated away into the forest laughing as everyone else stared after her. Naruto and Sasuke looked at Kakashi, "What the hell did you give her?!" "She's high on having way too much chakra, it's overloaded her system and her senses are probably going crazy right now, not to mention she's got so much energy she has no idea what to do with it. Imagine the craziest sugar high ever and multiply it by a hundred," Kakashi replied, "We're lucky she's so calm. Most people go nuts when this happens and beat themselves to death fighting their way out of whatever situation led to the high."

Sakura meanwhile was floating through the tree tops drinking in the profound beauty of the world. Everything seemed so much more clearly defined, the dying sunlight playing through the leaves of the trees, the myriad scents of the forest as it buzzed with life that she could hear with such curious clarity, and the feel of the cloth and air on her skin…the memory of Sasuke and Naruto's lips pressed against hers…that earned a blush and a faint happy smile.

Inner Sakura meanwhile was running laps around the inside of Sakura's head swearing at the top of her lungs. _WHAT THE HELL?! I FINALLY CATCH SASUKE-KUN FOR A KISS AND HE TASTES LIKE CHARCOAL AND SMOKE? AND THEN NARUTO TASTES LIKE RAMEN?! FOR THAT MATTER, I KISSED NARUTO! AND I'M FLYING! WHAT THE HELL DID THAT BASTARD KAKASHI GIVE US?! WAKE UP SAKURA! SNAP OUT OF IT! CHA! HOW CAN YOU BE SPACING OUT AT A TIME LIKE THIS?!_ Inner then continued to run around in Sakura's head screaming every swearword she could think of. Sakura didn't care, for once she couldn't even hear her Inner Self over the noise outside. _Has all this just been waiting for me to notice it?_ She wondered.

She looked at her hands, _I feel so…powerful. Is this what Naruto and Sasuke feel like? I wonder how much stronger I am now…_ She couldn't explain how she knew her team was coming, but she could feel them. She twisted in the air and saw them walk into the clearing. Kakashi looked up, "Sakura, that pill I gave you was much too strong. The amount of chakra you have right now is taxing your chakra system to probably at least triple what it's used to. We need to burn some of that energy out of your system to make sure it doesn't do any lasting damage. I want you to spar with Sasuke, then Naruto, then me. Ok?"

Sakura mulled Kakashi's words over for a moment and then she grinned, _I wonder if I can…_ she extended her hand towards a log lying on the ground, the same one Naruto had launched into the woods earlier. A stream of chakra flowed out from her hand and wrapped around the log. Sakura tilted her hand and the log rose at her command. A grin stretched across her face, then her control slipped and the log dropped ten feet to the ground. The grin vanished, "Dammit! I almost had it!"

The rest of Squad 7 stared and then Kakashi lunged and caught Sakura as the energy gave out and her ability to fly went with it, leaving Sakura hanging midair with a very Hinata-esque "EEP!" Kakashi looked at her with concern, "Are you alright?" Sakura smiled, "Yeah, I'm fine. I'm just really," she stopped and yawned, "really tired. Feel kinda dead actually…Sensei, how strong was that pill? Was I as strong as Sasuke and Naruto?" Kakashi thought about it for a few moments, "It's hard to say as you didn't fight them. For now though, let's get you back to Tazuna's and a bed. That kind of strain on your chakra system would make anyone tired."

==Half An Hour Later==

Sakura was sound asleep the moment her head hit the pillow. Kakashi sat down next to her and flexed his fingers before flashing through a few seals, "Now let's see what's going on." Naruto and Sasuke watched intently as Kakashi closed his eyes and rested a hand on Sakura's shoulder. He was silent and still for a few minutes, then his eyes opened and he retracted the hand, "How serendipitous."

"What? What's serendipshitus?" Naruto asked quickly. "Seren _dipitous_ Naruto, it means lucky. It seems Sakura's chakra levels have hardly grown at all since she was a child," Kakashi declared, "Apparently she's in even worse shape than I thought. I'm amazed she made it out of the Academy with her body in that bad a shape. Thankfully, this seems to be playing to her advantage. Instead of killing her, her chakra capacity has been spurred to massive growth by the relative supercharge that pill gave her. I'm almost embarrassed on her half. That pill was barely enough chakra for one decent sized jutsu but judging from her reaction to it, it was far _far_ more than her usual upper limits." Naruto and even more Sasuke eyed Sakura's still form with a measure of skepticism and disapproval.

"On the upside," Kakashi continued, "Now that her chakra capacity has been kickstarted, it's racing to catch up with her. If she manages to maintain that incredible control and efficiency of hers, then she'll be an extremely formidable asset to the team." That earned a grin from Naruto and a glint of interest in Sasuke's eye.

They sat in silence for a while and then Naruto spoke up, "Kakashi-sensei, I trust your methods and all, I've gotten way stronger and you haven't steered me wrong yet, but if you don't mind my asking, what exactly are we being trained for? Like, what specialties?" Sasuke and Kakashi looked at him in surprise and Naruto looked slightly abashed, "I read about it in one of those books you assigned to me, or my shadowclones did." Kakashi smiled brightly while Sasuke struggled to wrap his mind around the idea of Naruto not only _reading_ , but asking a good question.

"Well," Kakashi said as he sat back and looked at his team, "I suppose it might sound ambitious, but the Sannin are regarded as some of the strongest shinobi alive. Orochimaru's a dangerous madman, Lord Jiraiya's a lecherous pervert and Lady Tsunade has a drinking and gambling problem, but other than that they are shinobi who I'd like to see my students one day equal. I'll even stretch it a little further since we're speaking of hopes and such, I want to train you three to be the shinobi the Sannin _wish_ they were. We'll change things of course, it would be ridiculous to expect you three to perfectly emulate those three, and with the flaws I pointed out, it would probably be a lot better for everyone if you didn't."

"So what _do_ you want us to be like?" Sasuke asked. Kakashi smiled, "Well believe it or not, I've already started training you for it. You Sasuke I'm setting up to be a ninjutsu specialist, much like Orochimaru, but I'd rather you didn't develop an obsession with immortality and forbidden jutsu or become an S-Class missing nin, or talk to people half your age in such a way that everyone thinks you're a gay pedophile." Naruto tried hard not to snigger and Sasuke looked utterly mortified, "No worries there, despite my aversion to fan-girls, I do in fact like girls. After all," he added while pointedly not meeting any gazes, "the Uchiha Clan won't rebuild itself."

Kakashi smiled, "Well good." Then he turned to Naruto, "You Naruto, I'd like to train to be like a better version of Lord Jiraiya. Granted, he is a world class author, probably a millionaire from the sales of his books and a genius in many, many respects, I do have to admit that he is in fact a lecherous pervert and extremely open about it. So if you would, and this goes for you too Sasuke, please comport yourselves with a bit of class when you're out being playboys or rebuilding your clan, or whatever else you wish to call it. Don't worry, I'll help you out with that and find others to tutor you in the things where I may be less than the best choice for teaching you. It will however be necessary since Sasuke will be the Head of the I presume thriving Uchiha Clan, and Naruto will be a Jonin if it kills me and more probably Hokage, not to mention the fact that he's dating the heiress to the most prim, proper and stuffiest clan in the Elemental Nations, for you two to learn some manners and charm as you'll both be dealing with politics. Don't worry, we'll cross that bridge when we get there."

"Anyway," he continued, "Since I'm setting you up to follow Jiraiya Naruto, I'm also setting you up to follow in your father's footsteps since he was trained by Lord Jiraiya. If I can find Jiraiya and talk him into it, you might train under him for a while as well. No I won't be setting you up to study under Orochimaru in person Sasuke, sorry, but that has horrible idea written all over it. Anko Mitarashi on the other hand is Orochimaru's last living student, familiar with his style and a very formidable Tokubetsu Jonin in her own right. She'd be full Jonin if not for the stigma attached to her for being Orochimaru's student. As is, she heads up ANBU's Torture and Interrogations Department alongside Ibiki Morino. She's a good friend of mine and I bet she'd be delighted to tort-er I mean teach you."

Sasuke shot him a mild glare while thinking, _Well that explains the affinity for snakes she has…Learning from Anko-nee-chan might not be too bad, it would certainly be nice to see her again…haven't seen her since before…_ he firmly stopped himself there before he could start thinking about the massacre.

Meanwhile Kakashi cheerfully ignored Sasuke's glare and plowed on along, "And of course that leaves Sakura to follow in the footsteps of Lady Tsunade. Believe it or not, the three of you are already well on your way. We've got a hell of a long way to go, but believe it or not, Sakura is already well on her way to mastering one of the three things Lady Tsunade is famous for." This immediately peaked Naruto and Sasuke's interest, "What?" Kakashi grinned, "Lady Tsunade is famous for her monstrous strength, but a little perk of being the student of the Fourth Hokage and one of Jiraiya's drinking buddies is that I know how Lady Tsunade does it."

Naruto and Sasuke stared as Kakashi paused for effect, "You've watched Sakura train with the beam haven't you?" Naruto and Sasuke had identical expressions of shock and after a moment of shocked silence Kakashi nodded, "Yep, that's what I've been teaching Sakura. Once she's mastered it, she'll have the ability to move or destroy anything she touches. The thing that interested me the most though, was that today Sakura was able to move something _without touching it_. Never mind that she failed and almost ran out of chakra, I've never heard of Lady Tsunade doing that. I've never heard of Lady Tsunade flying before either. So Sakura may very well surpass Lady Tsunade in that aspect. If so then she may not even need Lady Tsunade's medical jutsu and I might be able to substitute genjutsu in its place. Who knows? Maybe you three will all surprise me even more than you already have and be able to do everything the Sannin can and more!" Kakashi smiled, "So, that's my big dream. Funny, never thought about it before I met you three, and the first day I had you I had to go get therapy to overcome my horror."

Then he chuckled as Naruto and Sasuke sulked, "But really, I'm going to turn you three into strong shinobi. We were interrupted and it's too dark out now, but I am still going to teach you all those things that will get me in trouble." Naruto and Sasuke let grins twitch across their faces at that.

==Late That Night==

"Eh Sasuke?" "Hn?" "Do you think we'll really be as strong as Kakashi-sensei wants us to be?" "Of course we will dobe. Forget the Sannin, we're the Last Uchiha, the Son of the Fourth Hokage and the fangirl who turned out to be alright. What are the odds of a team like that _not_ going on to greatness?"

Naruto blinked and looked over at Sasuke who was lying on his side in his sleeping bag across the room and looking at the wall. Sasuke looked over his shoulder at Naruto, "You ever tell anyone I said that, and you're dead. Especially Sakura, I do _not_ want to risk her reverting to her old ways." Naruto grinned, "Yeah, you got it. You're right, she is way better now. Hinata's my girlfriend and that means she's better, but Sakura's still a 10 now." "Hn," Sasuke grunted by way of agreement, "There abouts."

Neither of them were in a position to see and so they never noticed that Sakura had been floating by on her way to get a glass of milk, and neither of them saw her smile with watery eyes before floating on back up the stairs.

 **AN:** _That's chapter 6! Yes, Kakashi meant what he said and will be training Squad 7 to follow in the footsteps of, rival and maybe even surpass the Sannin. Yes really, same line up. The twist are those things that will get Kakashi in trouble: Clan secret jutsus, like Gentle Fist, Shadow Possession, Super Expansion, Mind-Body Switch, Fang Over Fang, you know those sorts of jutsu. Go ahead and flame about it all you want if you feel you absolutely must, but Kakashi's ready to deal with it and I guarantee if the wrath of every clan in Konoha can't stop him from doing it (they can't) then neither can you._

 _On another somewhat off topic note, I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually had someone complain that Sakura was de-fangirled too quickly! So fine anonymous reviewer, have it your way. I now present to my beloved audience the first in a series of omakes detailing Sasuke's flight from the fangirls, which will be treated as canon prequel to_ _ **Shooting Straight**_ _, ladies and gents, fans of all ages, I give you…_

 _ **Sasuke's Great Escapes**_

==The Beginning==

Sasuke was in the middle of his second year at the Academy that day. He was walking home when he felt the vast multitude of eyes upon him. He stopped and got a sinking feeling as a lot of the sounds on the street behind him stopped. He took a step forward. A great many feet behind him stepped forward. He looked over his shoulder and saw a bunch of girls from his class.

A terrible chill ran down his spine as he saw they were all watching him and he had flashbacks to Itachi running from hordes of girls, the only thing Sasuke had ever seen Itachi run from. Figuring that if Itachi ran from them there must be something very bad in store if he were caught and given his cryptic warning to do the same should he ever find himself faced with a mob of girls following him, Sasuke took a leaf from his beloved older brother's book and took off as fast as he could.

The mob of girls stampeded after him yelling his name as though it were some weird battle cry and Sasuke knew that he had been right. Whatever they wanted, Sasuke wanted no part of and he did everything in his power to shake them, dodging and weaving through the crowded streets as fast as he could, trying desperately to reach what he thought was the safety of the Uchiha District.

As he reached one of the more central squares of Konoha he became aware of a similar stampede approaching down a different street. Sasuke didn't dare slow down to look but a moment later he was yanked off the ground by the seat of his pants and tossed over Itachi's shoulder as Itachi ran as fast as he could. "Welcome to the nightmare little brother! It only gets worse from here!"

Soon Itachi had managed to find them a safe place to hide. The brothers stood there panting. "So Sasuke," Itachi panted, "Now you know, the absolute terror, of fangirls. The worst bit, is that half of them, half are trained, and a lot, a lot of them have Byakugan, which makes them that much harder to hide from." Then one of the horrible girls, this one with bubblegum pink hair, spotted them and squealed "SASUKEEEEE!" and immediately the horde was upon them again.

It took them another twenty minutes and physical disguises Itachi pulled from seals to shake them. The horde of girls searched the square high and low as Itachi and Sasuke sat at the dango shop, clad in sunglasses, hats, ponchos and fake mustaches with small pillows stuffed under their shirts to make them look fat as they hid behind newspapers. Then a girl about Itachi's age who wasn't part of the mob looked over at them and her eyes widened in recognition. She leaned over and whispered, "Hi there weasel-kun."

Itachi was immediately as pale as a ghost and he stammered, "N-now Anko, we can, we can talk about this!" The girl called Anko, who Sasuke noted to be very pretty despite the very scary way she was looking at them, grinned, "Buy me dango?" Itachi quickly waved the waitress over before gesturing to Anko, "Whatever she wants, she gets." He pulled out a bundle of cash and set it on the table. Unfortunately Itachi realized too late that he knew this waitress as she exclaimed, "ITACHI?! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE WITH HER?!" Anko grabbed Itachi by the lapels as the eyes of the entire mob landed on them, whispering quickly, "Dango for a year and I get you and your little brother out of this."

Itachi nodded, "Done." Anko promptly kissed him full on the lips, earning shrieks of outrage from the assembled mob of fangirls. Anko stuck her tongue out at them, and it stuck a solid two feet out as she nestled into the crook of Itachi's arm, "Sorry girls! You're not freaky enough for him! He's aaall mine! Anyone who doesn't like it gets a snake up their skirt! In fact, ya know what? SNAKES FOR EVERYBODY! WHEEEEE!" She then sat up and somehow pulled a bundle of snakes out of nowhere before cheerfully throwing them at the mob of fangirls like confetti. The square was almost immediately totally emptied as snakes rained from the sky.

Itachi and Sasuke gaped in amazement as the snakes slithered back to Anko and up her sleeves to wherever she had pulled them from. "I think I'm in love," Itachi declared in numb shock as he stared at the empty square where the horror of his every midday stroll had only moments before been. Sasuke looked at his brother in surprise and Anko grinned as she turned back to her dango, "Keep it in ya pants big boy. That's at a bare minimum ten nice dates, seven wild nights and a whole lot of dango away. Speaking of, another plate!" Itachi blushed slightly and Sasuke just wondered what she was talking about. Whatever it was, he decided, this girl was definitely better than any of the ones that had been chasing them.

 **AN:** _Yes, I know that in canon Anko is 6 years older than Itachi. However in_ _ **Shooting Straight**_ _Itachi is 5 years older than in canon. Why? Because I can, and in my opinion every extra year added onto Itachi's age at the time of the Uchiha Massacre makes it more believable, and it is much more believable that an 18 year old was capable of it than a 13 year old like in canon._

 _I'm sure you're wondering why Itachi opted for running instead of Body Flickering. The answer is that the last time he tried it he was getting away so easily that the fangirls became even more desperate and it didn't end well. So instead Itachi now runs like hell and is able to easily outlast most of them. They usually give up before he gets properly winded. This particular time they had help from Sasuke's newly acquired fangirls and were able to spend less time searching and more time chasing, which is why they came so close this time._


	7. Chapter 7: The Brewing Storm

Chapter 7 – The Brewing Storm

==Three Days Later==

Zabuza knocked on the door. Kakashi opened the door. Zabuza handed Kakashi a paper sack that was dripping blood. The wet paper finally split and Gato's head fell out. Zabuza and Kakashi looked at the head, looked at each other, and nodded. Kakashi picked up the head, "See you in Hidden Leaf." Zabuza turned and walked away, Haku falling in step behind him like a duckling following its mother. Kakashi walked back to the dining room and set Gato's head on the table. Everyone stared at the bodiless head as Kakashi nonchalantly took a drink, something nobody was quite sure how he was able to do without removing his mask.

Kakashi set his glass down, "Well Mr. Tazuna, it seems we will be able to leave sooner than we thought. If I understood Zabuza right, Gato and all his thugs are now dead so you will be able to finish the bridge in peace. So, we'll be out of your hair by lunchtime." Tazuna was still staring at Gato's head along with Inari and Tsunami. Kakashi looked at his students, "Team, go get packed up and ready to move out." They nodded and went to get their things.

Kakashi waved a hand in front of Tazuna, "Taaazunaaa…" Tazuna snapped back to his senses and looked at Kakashi who stood up, "I said, we'll be leaving shortly. We'll send representatives back periodically to collect on the rest of that A-Rank mission you owe us. Don't worry I'm sure that Lord Hokage will understand and set you up with a manageable payment plan." Tazuna paled slightly but nodded, "Of course."

==Five Days Later==

Squad Seven was just reaching the main gate on their way in as Squad Eight was leaving. They exchanged greetings and things might've gone smoothly if Sakura hadn't been so honest. After Hinata grabbed Naruto in a hug and gave him a quick happy kiss, Sakura had asked Hinata if she could have a moment to talk to her in private. Naruto watched them as they walked a little bit away and Sakura started talking, looking down guiltily and bowing repeatedly, clearly profusely apologizing. _She must be telling Hinata about that kiss she gave me while she was on that chakra high,"_ Naruto thought, _"I hope Hinata's not mad, it wasn't Sakura's fault she was high out of her mind…"_

Hinata asked Sakura something, Sakura wasn't able to meet her gaze as she answered, and for a moment neither of them said anything. Then Hinata's hand snapped out and into Sakura's chest in a straight finger jab, her Byakugan fully active and her face twisted with a very un-Hinata-like cold hate. Sakura stumbled back a step, wide eyed with shock and then collapsed. "WHAT THE HELL?!" Naruto roared as he sprang to check on Sakura and get between her and Hinata.

Everyone else looked and saw Sakura on the ground barely breathing with a frantic Naruto checking on her and Hinata staggering back looking so horrified she was trembling, "W-what, what happened?" Kurenai and Kakashi both hit a knee and quickly began checking Sakura's vitals. "She's alive," Kurenai said quickly, "But we need to get her to the hospital right away." Kakashi nodded, "I'm on it." He picked Sakura up in a bridal carry and Body Flickered away.

Kurenai stood up slowly and turned an icy cold glare on Hinata, "What. _Happened?_ " If Hinata was trembling before she was absolutely quaking now, "S-s-she k-k-k-ki-kissed N-n-naruto and I, I, I don't know…I j-j-just was so angry… I didn't mean to…" Naruto was trembling too, only he was shaking for a different reason. Sasuke put a hand on his shoulder and Naruto's head turned to shoot him a glare only to see that Sasuke's Sharingan was active and boring a hole in Hinata, "Calm down Naruto. Let's go check on Sakura. Kurenai-sensei will handle it. Right?" Kurenai nodded, "Yes I certainly will."

Naruto turned and stormed off in a huff without a word. Sasuke was about to go after him, but he paused for a moment to glare at Hinata, "If you ever touch my team again, a Gentle Fist strike to the chest will the least of your worries." He nodded to the rest of Squad 8, "Kurenai-sensei, Kiba, Shino. Good luck." He nodded to the Gate Guards, "Izumo, Kotetsu," and strode after Naruto, his Sharingan still blazing.

Behind them Hinata sank to her knees and started to cry.

==Half an Hour Later==

Sasuke reported to the Hokage's office, "Sasuke Uchiha here to report on Squad 7's C-Rank to the Land of Waves." Lord Third looked up, "Where's the rest of your team?" Sasuke's mouth tightened, "The hospital. I think it best if I go in order sir. It will make more sense that way." Lord Third nodded, already worried.

Sasuke explained their encounter with the Demon Brothers and then Zabuza and Haku. He told Lord Third about how Sakura had gotten drunk off a chakra pill that was far too strong for her and how it had surprisingly kick started her chakra growth so that she would soon catch up to where she needed to be as far as chakra prowess. He also mentioned that Sakura had kissed him and Naruto, leaving out that she had liked Naruto's kiss better than his. Then he explained how Zabuza had dropped off Gato's head and Kakashi's declaration that it was safe for them to leave and set the Land of Waves up with a payment plan for the A-Rank mission the job had turned out to be.

Lord Third listened through the whole thing and then let out a puff of smoke, "But none of that explains why you are here alone and your team is at the hospital." Sasuke nodded, "I was getting to that sir. When we got back to the village a little over half an hour ago, we met Squad 8 as they were leaving. I don't know if you're aware, but Naruto has been dating Hinata Hyuga for the last month or so. When we stopped to exchange pleasantries with Squad 8, Sakura felt bad about kissing Naruto while she was on her chakra high, so she tried to apologize to Hinata. When Hinata found out that Sakura had kissed Naruto, Hinata snapped and hit Sakura in the chest with Gentle Fist."

Lord Third sucked in a concerned breath as Sasuke continued, "Kurenai and Kakashi-sensei were almost as quick as Naruto getting between the two. Hinata seemed horrified by what she had done, so I do not believe it was intentional, but Sakura is still in the hospital recovering. The doctors say she should be up and about in a day or soon. We are extremely lucky that Hinata isn't very good at Gentle Fist and Sakura's chakra coils are currently growing very quickly. The damage was not nearly as bad as it could've been. However I still almost had to restrain Naruto, and I was so worried that my Sharingan activated. Kurenai-sensei is planning to deal with the matter, and I highly doubt Naruto will continue to see Hinata after this. He doesn't take kindly to anyone hurting his friends, and Hinata was only an inch off killing Sakura over something beyond Sakura's control. Needless to say, he's not taking it well."

Sasuke crossed his arms and sighed, "Other than that, it was a very successful mission, and I believe Zabuza and his band will be willing to join Hidden Leaf at least temporarily. Also, I don't know if Zabuza and his team will be accepted as Leaf nin, but if they are, then they are welcome to stay in the Uchiha District."

Lord Third blinked, "Are you sure?" Sasuke nodded, "It's far too empty there, it would be nice to have people living there again." He thought for a moment, "Now that I think about it, maybe I should ask Naruto if he'd like to move in. He's lively enough for ten people."

Lord Third nodded, "Very good. I will pass that on to them should they be join our ranks or be granted asylum. Anything else to report?" "Mmm…we made good progress on our training while in the Land of Waves. Other than that, no sir not really." Lord Third nodded, "Very good. You are dismissed." Sasuke bowed, "Thank you sir."

Out he went and Lord Third turned to look out over the village, contemplating just how big a shit storm was brewing now that the heiress of the Hyuga clan had attacked a fellow Leaf Nin over something so petty.

==Meanwhile, the Hospital==

Sakura looked at her friend with worry, "Naruto, it's alright, she was just angry…" "No it is not alright!" Naruto declared angrily, "She could've killed you Sakura-chan! You might not have been awake to hear the doctors, but an inch in any direction and Hinata would've killed you! Over something that wasn't your fault! There was no way any of us could've known you would get drunk off that chakra pill! Even if we had known Kakashi-sensei said most people go berserk and try to beat people senseless when they get chakra drunk not kiss people they never showed any interest in! It was a total accident and that sort of attack was totally not cool!"

Before Sakura could say anything a form in pink with wildly flying dark hair skidded into the room, "Sakura! Are you alright?!" Sakura perked up a little, "Haku! You made it!" Naruto grinned as he recognized his friend, "Haku-chan!" He sprang up and gave Haku a hug. Haku returned the hug and then looked at Sakura, "What happened? All I heard was that you were in the hospital and I came running as fast as I could."

"My ex found out Sakura-chan kissed me while she was drunk on a super-powerful chakra pill and hit her with an attack that almost killed her," Naruto declared angrily and Sakura's heart sank a little as he heard Naruto refer to Hinata as his ex. "Naruto," Sakura started weakly, "you shouldn't…" Naruto cut her off, "No way Sakura-chan, I'm not dating anybody who would attack a friend over something as stupid as that. A little smack in the head is fine, not talking to each other I don't mind, but that was way over the line."

Haku thought about it for a moment and then agreed and Sakura's sinking feeling got worse as she realized her little drunken slip-up may have just broken up what she had personally thought was one of the cutest couples in Hidden Leaf.

"I am very sorry to hear that Naruto," said a voice from the door and all three snapped around to see a stony faced Hiashi Hyuga walking in. Naruto paled slightly as Hiashi walked over. Then Hiashi turned to Sakura and bowed, "I wish to apologize for my daughter's actions Haruno-san. Rest assured it will _not_ happen again." "L-l-lord Hyuga," Sakura stammered, "I-it's really not that big a deal, what's a little Gentle Fisting between friends?" Haku suddenly had to cover up a snort of laughter and everyone looked at her as the unintentional innuendo flew over their heads.

Hiashi turned back to Sakura, "Regardless, you have our apologies. We wish you a speedy recovery." He turned to Naruto, "I am sorry if your feelings for my daughter have ended, but please allow me to declare that she has never done anything like this before. I will understand if you wish not to, but a second chance would mean the world to her." Naruto snorted slightly and looked away, "I'll…consider it Hiashi-sama, but my friends are everything to me. I'm not sure I can go out with someone who would attack a friend over something they didn't mean to do while they were drunk and apologized for. I'll…try though."

Hiashi bowed slightly, "Thank you Naruto." He straightened up, "I will speak with Hinata upon her return and she will not bother either of you again. Naruto if you wish attempt to make up with Hinata, I will make sure you can contact her." Naruto nodded slightly, "Ok."

Hiashi left and after a few moments Sakura said quietly, "Naruto, I'm honored that you're this upset over me getting hurt, but if Hinata's punishment is even half as severe as what I think it will be, then she's going to be utterly destroyed by it." She met Naruto's horribly hard eyes, "She's going to need you. Please, at least give her a chance to explain herself. I've already forgiven her, you should too." Naruto growled and hmm'ed and made various noises to indicate he would actually consider it.

Then Sakura turned to Haku, "By the way Haku, how did you know I was here?" Haku thought about it, "Well a girl rushed into the flower shop I was visiting yelling for her mother that you were in the hospital and she needed flowers for you right away." Sakura paled slightly, _uh-oh…_ Sure enough a few moments later Ino exploded into the room waving a large bundle of flowers and demanding to know if Sakura was alright and what had happened.

Outside Sasuke was still spinning from where Ino had bumped into him flying by with such speed that it had left him spinning and as he finished the process of falling on his butt he looked at the dust cloud Ino had left in her wake, "Was that Ino? Sheesh the whole village must know what happened by now…"

==Two Weeks Later==

Sakura caught up to Hinata as she saw the girl who now seemed to have a perpetual rain cloud over her head, "Hinata wait!" Hinata looked over her shoulder and her eyes widened slightly as she saw Sakura running to catch up with her. Sakura quickly caught up to Hinata as the white eyed girl stopped. Sakura then did something that shocked Hinata and gave her a hug. "I'm so sorry," Sakura said quietly.

That was the last straw for Hinata. She hadn't cried when her father had all but disowned her. She hadn't cried when she was stripped of her genin status and sent back to the Academy. She had even managed not to cry when Naruto had officially ended it with her. Now though the girl she had been silently cursing and subconsciously blaming for everything that had happened was hugging her and apologizing! Hinata promptly collapsed to her knees in tears. Not quiet, horrified tears like the ones she had shed the day she had lost control, big bone rattling heart jerking sobs.

Sakura went down with her and just knelt there hugging the poor girl whose entire world had collapsed because of one bad move. Sakura couldn't even blame Hinata for the words that came tumbling out of the Hyuga's mouth, telling Sakura she hated her and blaming her for everything she had lost. Naruto not loving her, her father all but disowning her, Kurenai-sensei refusing to teach her and her career as a shinobi all but flushed down the toilet and demanding to know how Sakura could dare to just sit there and hold her even though she hated her so much.

Sakura shook slightly and when Hinata lifted her head from Sakura's shoulder she saw tears streaming down her face as well. "Because it is my fault," Sakura said shakily, "I should never have kissed him and now you've lost so much and it's all my fault and I'll never be able to make it up to you!" They sat there, wallowing in their grief and regret for what seemed like a long time, and then someone suddenly caught Hinata by the hood of her jacket and dragged her off in passing, earning a startled "EEP!" from Hinata. Sakura was about to protest when someone else grabbed her up in a bridal carry.

Sakura was about to light into her carrier when she saw that it was Sasuke, and Naruto was the one towing Hinata. "Man Hinata why did you have to go looking like a kicked puppy?" Naruto called over his shoulder, "Now you absolutely must have ramen! And don't you dare keep crying or I'll tickle you!" Hinata was much too stunned to keep crying.

By the time Naruto plopped her down on a bench at Ichiraku's and ordered the dish she always had for her and five bowls for himself, Hinata still hadn't recovered her voice. There was silence except for Sasuke and Sakura ordering until the food was dished out. Naruto popped apart his chopsticks and looked at Hinata, "Now don't take this as a 'we're getting back together thing'. This is not a date. We might do that drunk one night stand thing somewhere down the road. The secret admirer thing was cute, but the violent yandere thing is not cool. I'm not going to stay mad at you, you've got more than enough misery without me being angry at you over something you clearly regret. So," he extended a hand, "Friends?"

Hinata stared and then timidly shook the hand. Then Naruto noticed something a little bit off about Hinata's appearance, "Hey Hinata, what's with the new headband?" Hinata turned ghostly pale, "W-w-well…I'm n-n-n-no longer the heiress to my clan." She reached up trembling and started to undo the headband that covered her forehead, "M-m-my actions were v-very shameful and the Elders d-d-demoted me to the B-b-branch Family to p-p-p-protect the Main House's honor." The headband fell away and all present sucked in a horrified breath as they saw Hinata's forehead. Sakura covered her mouth and tears started leaking again, "Oh no…" Sasuke and Naruto were both equally horrified, but they said "oh _damn…_ " and "Oh SHIT…" respectively.

Hinata started to break down again and suddenly found herself wrapped in Naruto's arms and held to his chest. _He still cares…_ she thought in shock. She started crying again anyway, but this time they were tears of relief.

 **AN:** _Haha! You thought this was going to be a Naruhina fic didn't you? You also thought that the title of this chapter referred to the Akatsuki or something similar I bet! No! I was referring to the ungodly shit storm all the Hinata fans shall unleash upon me after this chapter!_

 _Before you go telling me to die in a ditch or accuse me of hating Hinata, 1) I've been dead inside for years and if I were going to die I would do it in the comfort of my bed and 2) No I do not hate Hinata, this was simply the most interesting and surprising way I could think of to sink the Naruhina ship in this story, not to mention the ONLY way I could think of to sink it, and even now there is no guarantee that it will not resurface to sail again._

 _I'm sure you're wondering why this ship had to sink. The answer is simple: I have yet to read a fic that was not already sure at the beginning who was going to be shipped with who, and most of these couples stick together like glue and never see anybody else. So I decided on a change of pace. No one shall know who the end pairings are until we reach the end!_

 _Bwahahaha let the shipping wars begin! Leave a comment with who you think should end up with who! Whichever pairing has the most votes wins, and votes that include flames shall burn and be counted as_ _ **NEGATIVE VOTES**_ _!_

 _And for those wondering, yes. I actually DO like Hinata. I like Hinata a LOT and I want one of my own, but she gets her Naru-kun all the way through_ _ **Vermillion Thunder**_ _, and she gets her Menma-kun in_ _ **Four Gates to Chaos.**_ _I think 2 out of 5 is plenty, so for the sake of variety, Hinata's odds of getting her Naru-kun in this story are being left in the hands of the readers. The more flames I get about it and Naruhina not being a definite thing, the worse her chances will be and if I get enough that it really starts to piss me off I am NOT above killing off one of my favorite characters. Just because it'll pain me doesn't mean I won't do it. So keep your flames to yourself dang it!_

 ** _Update:_** _I've been getting some comments that this chapter seemed random, out of the blue, and bears a taste of pickled onion in a fruit salad (thank you Leicontis for that fun imagery). I want to assure you, this is not the last we'll see of Hinata, and I did not just do this on a whim. I'm going to do my best in this story to make sure that everything has appropriate consequences, and this jealous streak of Hinata's that has emerged (the same one that would've led to the Road to Ninja version if things had been that particular ever-so-slightly different) is not random and will not be going away. I'll go ahead and tell ya upfront to keep you from worrying so much, this is the start of a character arc, and as long as nobody makes me so furious that I decide spiting them with a little character death would be more satisfying than finishing it, I've already determined that Hinata's character arc does end in a good place._


	8. Chapter 8: Would it help?

=Chapter 8 – Would it help?=

==Three Weeks Later==

Sakura nonchalantly snapped her fingers and the blade she had just distance coated with her chakra impaled the bandit charging her. The bandit had an instant to look stunned and then Sakura threw a chakra blast punch at him. The bandit went flying and Sakura pulled out and chakra coated half a dozen kunai before setting them spinning around her in a ring. She spun and channeled chakra into the seal in her dress. She spun twice and snapped her fingers, shooting one of the kunai orbiting her like a bullet into the bandit she had just shredded with the kunai and blades of her dress.

She closed her eyes and listened with her newfound chakra sense before smiling. She looked around the battlefield, Kakashi-sensei, Sasuke and Naruto had just finished dispatching the rest of the gang. "I think that's all of them," she said with a bright smile. Then an arrow slammed into her shoulder and even though it didn't penetrate her armor mesh under shirt, it would still leave a nasty bruise. Sasuke spun and he and Naruto unleashed a vicious flame and wind combo jutsu at the tree the bandit was in. The tree was immediately engulfed in a thirty foot high cyclone of gold and white flames.

Kakashi flashed his hands through a sequence and a bubble of nearly invisible chakra erupted away from him, expanding out and washing over them and deep into the woods. He waved, "No more bandits. However about half a kilometer from here are four shinobi. We should go greet them if Sakura's shoulder is okay." Sakura nodded as she held her hand to her shoulder and started using the beginner medical jutsu Kakashi had taught her the week before.

It still shocked her how much stronger she had grown after the incident with the soldier pill. The power she'd had then was less than half of what she had now, and according to Kakashi she was still growing quite rapidly. It hadn't screwed with her chakra control that she had noticed, but then again Kakashi sensei had kept her practicing rigorously with it every day to ensure that it didn't. He had taught her a beginner medical jutsu, nothing big, just enough to heal a bruise or at most a paper cut, but she had still learned it with such speed that Kakashi had declared his intention to find her a good medical jutsu tutor. Now she could fly and heal herself at the same time.

Another shocking bonus they had learned was that Sakura had Sensor abilities now. Whether

they were innate or the result of the pill's effects nobody was sure, but nobody really cared either. She had also learned a beginner wind jutsu, she wasn't as strong as Naruto by any stretch of the imagination, but she didn't have an army of shadow clones to speed up her learning process either.

Kakashi-sensei had been very surprised when she had been revealed to have wind release like Naruto, apparently it was super rare in Fire Country. She hadn't started learning how to channel wind chakra to increase cutting power like Naruto was learning yet, but Naruto had pointed out that the _Wind Style Great Breakthrough_ she was learning could give her an awesome tailwind, so she had been testing that and finding that it did actually work although Kakashi-sensei said it should be unnecessary once she got enough control to move herself as fast as everything else.

By the time they intercepted the four shinobi Kakashi had detected, her shoulder was fully healed. The four shinobi had stopped and looked like they were ready for a fight if one started, so Sakura cheerfully lifted all the debris around them with her chakra as she flew out of the tree tops and Kakashi, Sasuke and Naruto circled them, along with well over a dozen of Naruto's clones.

She quickly noted that the four were from Hidden Sand, and they looked to be a genin team and their instructor like Squad 7. Kakashi-sensei stepped forward with his hands raised in a peaceful gesture, "Now now, no need for hostilities. We just need to verify your reasons for being here. You're a long way from home and awfully close to ours after all."

The Jonin Instructor stepped forward and extended a slip of paper to Kakashi-sensei, "We are Hidden Sand Genin Squad 1, travelling to Hidden Leaf for the Chunin Exams. We were told this was the route to take." Kakashi looked over the paper and returned it, "Very good. We had just finished up a mission, so we will escort you to the Village."

The man nodded and then suddenly monstrous killing intent flooded the area. Sasuke's Sharingan activated immediately and Sakura's control almost altered. The smallest of the Sand shinobi, a boy with red hair and a huge gourd on his back was stalking towards Naruto, easily picking him out from his clones, "Mother wants your blood…" The Sand shinobi were looking horrified and immediately begging and ordering the boy they called Gaara not to make a scene, but Gaara ignored them and sand started to writhe around him.

Naruto looked rather taken aback, then he tilted his head to the side like he was listening to someone, "You sure? Alright." Naruto slammed his hands into a sign Sakura and Sasuke had never seen before, almost like he was making a bird shadow puppet but with one thumb pointing forward instead of splayed with the others, "Fox Clone Jutsu!" Orange chakra erupted around Naruto and suddenly coalesced into what appeared to be a shadow clone that looked like a scantily clad version of Naruto's female form with slit-pupiled red eyes, more pronounced whisker marks, fox ears and nine orange fox tails waving behind her as orange chakra continued to blaze around her.

Kurama gave Gaara a death glare and cracked her knuckles as her killing intent completely drowned out Gaara's, "Shu- _ka-KUUU!_ " Gaara stopped, clutched his forehead, "What? But…" He jerked like someone was yelling at him. He looked at the human form of the Nine Tails, "Yes mother…" Then he did something that made everyone stare and nearly made his siblings and Baki faint in shock. The mighty Gaara of the Desert, scourge of all who crossed him and terror of Hidden Sand, listened to the voice he thought was his mother.

Said voice was currently screaming at him to run away as fast as he possibly could squealing like a little girl. Which Gaara did. "AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

He made it almost twenty feet before Kurama was on top of him. She slammed him to the ground and held him there effortlessly, Gaara's sand unable to even begin to penetrate her glowing nimbus of chakra. Kurama carefully examined Gaara's seal muttering, "What sort of monumental dumbass did this sealing?" Then she yelled in Gaara's ear, "Shukaku-baka! I know you can hear me in there! You've had this coming for ages so suck it up and don't even try to get out of it you stupid tanuki! If you even think of messing with a kid again I still can and will _kick your dusty ass_ around that desert of yours!"

Kurama splayed her fingers with a grin and five glowing points of orange chakra appeared at her fingertips, "Oh the joys of a human form, FIVE ELEMENTS SEAL REINFORCEMENT!" She jabbed her fingers into the space between the five points of Gaara's seal and Gaara immediately started convulsing as though he were being electrocuted. Most of Kurama's blazing aura of chakra was funneled into reinforcing Gaara's seal.

When she was done, Gaara was lying very still. Kurama stood up, dusted herself off and smiled winningly at the Sand Shinobi, "He should be up in a few hours, and Shukaku will behave himself now. Tell whoever made that seal that if I ever find them I'll rip them to shreds for inflicting that idiot Shukaku on a child without a proper seal. An odd point seal for a spirit of his caliber, pfah! Idiocy!"

Baki finally recovered his voice, "Um, who are you?" Kurama grinned at him and flared her chakra as she flooded the area with killing intent again, "The Nine Tailed Fox." Baki fainted, Temari's jaw dropped as she started trembling slightly and Kankuro hid behind Temari after he nearly peed himself. Kurama giggled and allowed her clone form to dissipate in a blast of reddish smoke.

Everyone stared at the space where she had been for a moment and then turned to look at Naruto who shrugged, just as confused as they were, "She's a seal master! If she says it worked, it worked, and she'd never willingly hurt a kid." He tilted his head as Kurama said something, "She says the seal was half as strong as it needed to be and unbalanced as well, so she balanced and reinforced it by altering the Five Elements seal he had and applying a second Five Elements Seal over the first one, turning it into a ten point seal that is twice as strong and far more stable than the single was. She says it will limit Shukaku's influence over his host and prevent Shukaku getting loose or keeping the kid up all night. Why would he keep him up all night? Oh, yeah I suppose that makes sense. She also says the kid's gonna need therapy if Shukaku's been half as much of an ass as he usually is."

Then he frowned at the others who were one and all looking at him like he was from another planet, "Don't gimme that look! You've all seen way weirder stuff than this! Are we taking these guys to the village or not?"

Kakashi cleared his throat, "Erm, right. Well, Naruto have your clones grab their instructor and Mr. Sandman. We'll head on to the village." The blonde girl immediately interposed herself between the Naruto clones and the boy with the gourd, "I'll carry Gaara." The boy in black caught their instructor and heaved him upright before draping his arm over his shoulders, "And I've got sensei." The Leaf nin blinked and then nodded. "Would you at least like Naruto to carry that gourd?" Kakashi asked, "It looks very heavy."

The blonde girl looked at the gourd and then nodded, "That would be fine, but keep it close. Gaara freaks out if his gourd's missing, and he tends to kill things when he freaks out. I'm going to be the closest person to him, and I _really_ don't want to die today." The Naruto clones nodded and untied the gourd from Gaara's back before tying it onto one of theirs. When they were done they shot the girl a sunny grin and thumbs up, "All good. Don't worry we'll stay right next to you."

The blonde girl swapped a glance and nod with her teammate and off they went. It didn't take long for Naruto to start striking up a conversation, "So he's Gaara, and you're…?" "Temari Kosa, daughter and eldest child of the Fourth Kazekage," Temari replied crisply. The subtle message was " _back off and don't even think about flirting with me._ "

Naruto of course, didn't even begin to catch it and smiled brightly, "Hey we have something in common!" "Yes, I know," Temari said dryly without looking at him, "We're both blonde." "No," Naruto laughed, "Although there is that too. No you're the daughter of the Fourth _Kaze_ kage, and I'm the son of the Fourth _Ho_ kage!" Temari stopped cold and stared at him, "What?"

Sakura looked down at them, "Naruto! You're not supposed to tell people about that!" Naruto looked up at her, "She told me who she was! Besides it's not like it's hard to find out, I look just like him!" Sakura sighed, "That's not the point Naruto! What if someone from Hidden Stone finds out? They'd have it in for you in a heartbeat! If you don't tell people they can at least assume you might be a Yamanaka or something!" Naruto looked mildly revolted, "But I don't look like Ino!"

"You both have blonde hair, and nobody ever put two and two together before," Sasuke pointed out over his shoulder. Naruto sighed, "Ok, ok, I won't tell people right off the bat. There's no point in trying to hide it from her now though, so can I keep talking?" "Do you ever not?" Sasuke asked. "Now what kind of a silly question is that?" Naruto replied with a grin.

Then he turned back to Temari, "So, Gaara, Temari-hime," Temari blushed slightly, "and funny face paint in a cat suit whose name I don't know." "The name's Kankuro!" Kankuro barked irritably, "And quit hitting on my sister!"

Naruto blinked in surprise, "I'm not hitting on her! I'm just trying to be polite! Anyway, I'm Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, that's Sasuke," Sasuke waved over his shoulder without looking, "The pretty flying girl is Sakura," Sakura blushed and called him a baka with a smile, "And the tall guy reading porn is Kakashi-sensei." Kakashi looked up from his book, "What? Did someone call me?"

"Yeah," Sasuke asked before he could go back to reading, "Are we in the Chunin exams?" "Nope," Kakashi replied nonchalantly. "Why not?" Sasuke asked. Kakashi looked over at him, "Let me answer your question with a question. Would it help? You three have been progressing at a very impressive rate and I'm nowhere near out of things to teach you. If you three get promoted right now then you will be Chunin out from under my instruction and you will have to continue to progress, or not, on your own. While you could take the exams, and no offense to our guests but I expect the three of you would sweep the exams like a broom, but then you would almost certainly be offered the promotion and in the cases of Sasuke and Naruto the council would probably force them on you because of your heritage whether you wanted them or not. There's also the issue of promotions rarely being offered twice, so even if you did turn them down, you might be stuck as genin forever. What's more important Sasuke, getting an early promotion, or getting as strong as you can? I got kicked up to Chunin when I was 8 because it was war time, and Jonin by 12. You know what I was Sasuke?"

"A prodigy?" Sasuke guessed. "Utterly miserable," Kakashi declared, "Not to mention woefully underprepared. The first mission I led was with the two who had been my genin team. My best friend died on that mission _and_ I lost my left eye. The one I have now was my best friend's dying gift to me. The next mission, my other best friend died after she threw herself in front of _my_ technique to keep from being sent back to the village with a seal Hidden Mist put on her that would've destroyed the village. If I could've handed my promotion back after that I would have in a heartbeat. If we'd had someone who was better prepared to lead a mission on either of those missions, my best friends would almost certainly still be alive and probably married with children, and I wouldn't have needed fifteen years of therapy to trust myself with a genin team. So Sasuke, when you ask me why I am not placing you in the Chunin Exams yet, I ask you, would it help?"

There was silence for a few moments and then Sasuke replied, "No, I suppose not."

==That Evening==

Gaara woke up. That was by itself a very rare and strange occurrence. He gently probed his mind, _Mother?_ _ **Bout time you woke up brat, we need to talk.**_ _Yes Mother._ _ **And that's the first thing, I'm not your mother.**_

 _Huh? But I thought-_ _ **Yeah I know what you thought and I let you go on thinking it because it was convenient. It is no longer convenient. My name is Shukaku, I'm a Sand Spirit, the very strongest of Sand Spirits in fact. You should feel honored to be my host.**_

 _Sand spirit?_ _ **What did you think was up with the sand? That's my claws and tail. Yes yes I know I've made a mess of your life. I was very cranky at being stuffed into some random snot nosed brat. Now I can't do that anymore so I've gotta start shooting straight because I can't really make you do whatever I want anymore the way I had been.**_

 _What do you mean "make me"? I squished all those people myself right?_ _ **Not exactly. The seal that keeps me in you was very weak and unstable, all I needed was a smidge of volition from you to do whatever I wanted short of full manifestation. Now though the seal is different.**_

Gaara's eyes widened as he remembered what happened, _Oh yeah, that girl attacked us. Should I squish her?_ _ **NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT! DON'T EVEN GLARE AT HER CONTAINER! DON'T EVEN GET CROSS WITH HIM! WHATEVER YOU DO, DO. NOT. MAKE. HER. MAD!**_

Gaara blinked in surprise, he had never gotten an order to NOT squish before, _Why?_ _ **Because Gaara, the Nine Tailed Fox is one of the very few spirits out there that can summarily kick my ass even when we're in the desert where I'm at my strongest! Even worse, she makes it look easy! Not to mention she holds grudges for centuries! If you never learn anything else from me, learn this: Never ever, ever, EVER piss off the Nine Tailed Fox!**_

 _So how will I prove my existence then?_ Gaara got the distinct sensation of being smacked in the head, which was also very weird since nobody had ever been able to even touch him let alone smack him. _**Forget about that nonsense! That was me wanting you to kill things because I like killing things. The fact that I'm not rampaging about killing things in person should be more than enough proof for anybody that you exist.**_

Gaara blinked in surprise, that was not what he had expected at all. Then Shukaku continued, _**Now then, this plan of your dad's for us to go rampaging in Hidden Leaf. I point blank refuse to go along with it. That's her territory and I'm not picking a fight with her under any circumstances. It's freakin embarrassing, and she appears to be a lot further along in her relationship with her container than we are if he's letting her manifest like that, which means she could stomp us even more than usual.**_ Gaara looked up at the tree overhead, _So what do we do?_

 _ **Well first off, you make this seal**_ Shukaku sent Gaara an image of the hand seal in question, which Gaara made, _**Now make a sand clone.**_ Gaara made a sand clone which spun and coalesced into a small lump on his chest. Gaara looked down and saw a tanuki made of sand the size of a cat on his chest. "Now we can talk properly," Shukaku said, "Yes I can be bigger than this, but I don't want Nine Tails to think I'm picking a fight."

Gaara became aware of a lot of eyes on him and Shukaku hopped off him so he could sit up and yelled, "I'm trying to talk to my host over here, would ya mind not starin'?! Actually, before I forget, Baki! Temari! Kankuro! Get over here! Sand huddle or sand squishin'! Your choice!"

A very surprised Baki Temari and Kankuro came over and sat down, slightly stunned at being ordered about by a cat sized version of the monster they had been terrified of for most of their lives. Shukaku bounced up on Gaara's knee, "Now, Gaara, we need a sand dome."

Gaara made a sand dome and Shukaku clambered up onto Gaara's head before making himself comfy and looking like a tanuki hat. Shukaku waved his paw imperiously, "Now then, it is time for settling personal issues and discussing politics. First of all, Temari and Kankuro, stop being so terrified of my host. He's a good kid he's just been indulging my love of killing things because I told him to. I doubt he'll keep doing it now that his seal's been beefed up and all I can do is talk at him. Although he might still do it on occasion."

Temari and Kankuro looked very confused and Shukaku continued, "Next, this invasion plan thing. It's a bad idea. My advice is to surrender to Hidden Leaf and tell them everything if you can't talk your old man out of it. Hidden Sand hasn't got nearly the numbers to win against Hidden Leaf, and I'm not helping. As much as I'd enjoy a good unrestricted rampage, I ain't about to go doin it in the Nine Tailed Fox's backyard. I kinda like being alive and she's pissed enough at me right now that she wouldn't hesitate to kill me. Even if it's not permanent it still hurts like hell."

"But we have orders directly from Lord Kazekage!" Baki protested. Shukaku turned a cool gaze on him, "And you are quite welcome to follow them, but I'm keepin' out of it, and you don't stand a chance without me. So my advice is to tell Gaara's dad that he's going to be totally screwed if he goes through with the invasion plan, and doubly much so because the Nine Tailed Fox has it in for him and that old hag Chiyo for not doing a good job on my seal. Nine Tails loves kids and she's very upset that anybody would put me in one. Especially a nice kid like Gaara with a bad seal."

Kankuro was trying his best to comprehend what Shukaku was saying, he really was, "Gaara's…nice?" "Yep," Shukaku replied, "He's a cuddly little teddy bear whenever I'm not telling him to kill something. Go ahead give him a hug! He won't bite."

Temari edged closer, eyeing Shukaku warily. After a few minutes she tentatively reached out and gave Gaara a timid one armed hug. When nothing bad happened, she pulled Gaara into a proper hug and Shukaku hopped off, letting them have their moment. Gaara wasn't sure how to respond so Shukaku told him bluntly, "Don't just sit there, hug her back!" Gaara tentatively reached up and hugged Temari back.

Temari started trembling and Gaara wondered if she was afraid, then he felt something wet drip into his hair. He looked up and saw Temari crying. He was very confused and then Temari said quietly, "Welcome back little brother." Gaara's head thunked against her shoulder as his brain put everything else on hold to deal with this odd new, he wasn't even sure what to classify it as. It took him a while but eventually he got it and started laughing and hugged Temari for real, "I'm home!"

Shukaku looked up at Baki, "And another thing, Gaara's dad is a complete _dick_ and I don't want to help him. When I tell you what he made Yashamaru do, you're not gonna want to help him either." That got everyone's attention, "What?"

==A few moments later, outside the sand dome==

Squad 7 was happily playing cards when the sand dome erupted apart with a combined roar of "WHAAAAAAAT?!" The Sand-nin were all on their feet looking at Shukaku in fury. Shukaku waved a paw at them, "Told ya you weren't gonna want to help him." He dissolved in sand and reappeared on Gaara's shoulder waving his tiny tanuki fist, "Now let's go kick his ass!"

Gaara and Kankuro were very pale and Temari was as red as Gaara's hair. They turned and started gathering their supplies without a word of explanation. They paused as they were about to leave and Baki shook Kakashi's hand, "Thank you Kakashi, if you hadn't intercepted our team this day our villages would have suffered terribly." He made a clone, "This clone will give you all the details while my team and I go to avert the crisis. If we never see you again, it was an honor to meet you."

The Sand Siblings each hugged Naruto and Temari gave him a kiss on the forehead, "Thank you for giving me my little brother back." Then they were quickly gone without another word. Kakashi turned to the Baki clone, "Um, what just happened?" Baki's clone asked for a pen and sheet of paper as it began to explain while writing as fast as it could. By the time he finished and dissipated, Kakashi was ghostly pale behind his mask.

"We've gotta go help them!" Naruto declared. Kakashi nodded, "I agree." He made a shadow clone and sent it running at top speed back towards Hidden Leaf. He looked at his students, "Let's go."

 **AN:** _Yes Shukaku is a mass murdering monster, but he's not without feelings. Just like Kurama, Shukaku feels everything Gaara does and shares in Gaara's memories, making him actually quite sympathetic to Gaara who really has been quite an accommodating host. The difference is that Shukaku is thousands of years old and knows the appropriate responses to things like having your beloved uncle sent to assassinate and psychologically break you. He's also picked up a lot of his former Jinchurikis' mannerisms, such as the fist waving and informal speech._

 _Yes it was a secret that the Kazekage did what he did to Gaara. So Baki Temari and Kankuro are all appropriately horrified and infuriated by the revelation and are quite determined to make him pay for endangering them, Gaara and all of Hidden Sand so recklessly._

 _Yes Shukaku is utterly terrified of Kurama because Kurama is much, much more powerful. They are also rivals but they both know who's the stronger of the two. It's rather like an argumentative sibling relationship with Kurama being the bossy bad tempered much older sister._

 _The stabilization process Kurama used on Gaara's seal is a separation of the Yin and Yang in the five points of Gaara's seal, by separating them so that they balance each other and reinforcing them with her own chakra, the seal is now much stronger and approximately comparable to Naruto's._

 _Shout-out to_ _ **Xavon Wrentaile**_ _for coming up with the "Fox" hand sign Naruto used and giving me the idea for each spirit having a hand sign specific to them. If you haven't read_ _ **"A Growing Affection"**_ _it is quite possibly the best Naruhina story I've ever read and I highly recommend it._

 _As a result of having several loving mothers for hosts, Kurama's motherly instincts are second to none. Forget Mama Bear, Mama FOX is the one to be worried about._

 _Yes Sakura has Wind Release, is learning medical jutsu already, and has developed sensory abilities as a result of the pill incident. Her chakra is indeed growing rapidly and she is now up to almost the bottom end of average for a genin her age. She'll never have anywhere near as much as Naruto, but she will catch up to Sasuke within a few chapters. As a direct result of this and rigorous training, she is now able to do her distance chakra-sheathing technique easily, on the fly and with multiple objects._

 **NEXT TIME: HIDDEN SAND**


	9. Chapter 9: Setting the Stage

=Chapter 9 – Setting the Stage=

==An Hour Later==

Baki raised his hand for a stop, "Hold up, we're being followed." Temari looked around warily, "By who?" Four sets of footsteps landed behind them, "By us," Kakashi declared as Squad 7 hopped or in Sakura's case flew out of the trees. Baki looked at him, "Why?"

"We have elected to tag along and help out where we can," Kakashi replied casually, "Besides, from what your clone told me it sounds like Shukaku alone isn't enough to beat the Kazekage should it turn into a fight, which you seem to agree with me it is likely to. So you need the extra leverage we can provide. Also, Naruto would never be able to sit idle while his friends were in danger. It's something I taught them all perhaps a little too well. So, you can let us come along, or I can remember the way to Hidden Sand well enough that we can follow you anyway. Either way, you'll have our help."

Baki frowned, "This is an internal affair of the Village Hidden in the Sand, it is not your problem." "Actually," Kakashi countered, "Hidden Sand is an ally of Hidden Leaf, and the current leadership of your village intends to betray ours in a manner which is nothing short of an act of war. If you cannot force them off that course, then my team will "persuade" them that it is a very, VERY bad idea. I think Shukaku's told you enough to know what the Nine Tailed Fox can do when she's pissed. The point is, we're not staying out of it, so you'd be better off accepting our help and using the leverage that a Nine Tailed Fox on standby provides to work a peaceful solution."

Baki's eye twitched, "You can't possibly have authorization for this…" Kakashi shrugged, "I'm sure we'll be fine. Lord Hokage would send a team or ten anyway, and if it's an unsanctioned run by a team of genin and a Jonin who's a well-known basket case, then Hidden Leaf can honestly say it had nothing to do with it." Baki was clearly torn on the matter, then Gaara spoke, "If you wish to help then I see no harm in accepting your assistance. If destroying Hidden Sand becomes necessary, Shukaku and I will need help."

The other Sand-nin stared at him in mild horror and Gaara met their gaze levelly, "Don't look so surprised. The village hates and fears me, I won't even begin to delude myself into thinking anyone in Sand cares about me other than the three of you except as a weapon or a monster. I do not intend to leave our father in his current position to destroy Hidden Sand with his bad decisions. If anyone's going to destroy that village, it will be me. They have one chance to persuade me I'm wrong in thinking they're not worth saving, if they fail, then after Shukaku and I go on a rampage that village will never forget, we're defecting to Hidden Leaf if they'll have us."

The other Sand-nin looked like they wanted to protest, but they were having a hard time coming up with an argument in the face of Gaara's steady gaze. Gaara looked at them, "Temari, how many friends do you have in Hidden Sand besides Kankuro and sensei? How many boys chase after you, falling all over themselves for your affection and showing you the attention we both know you deserve? How many people at all show you the respect you have earned?" Temari flinched, and after a moment said quietly, "none."

Gaara turned to Kankuro, "Kankuro, how many times have you asked that old bat Chiyo to train you?" Kankuro flinched, "More than I can count." "You are the son of the Kazekage and one of the finest puppeteers in Sand, certainly far above the rest of our generation. She should be honored to teach you, but she blows you off every time you ask without even considering it," Gaara pointed out. Kankuro grimaced and looked at the ground, "I never knew you paid attention to that…"

"Gaara actually pays quite a lot of attention to both of you," Shukaku quipped from where he had been snugly nestled on Gaara's head, "you're the only people in Sand that he likes. The only reason he hasn't squashed that old hag already for turning Kankuro down so often is because then she'd never be able to teach him." Temari couldn't help it and a little "Aw…" escaped her. Kankuro snorted slightly with laughter, "Thanks Gaara." "That's what family is for is it not?" Gaara asked with a small smile.

Temari and Kankuro's eyes snapped up to meet his and a moment later he was wrapped in the arms of his siblings. He was still unused to human contact, so it took him a minute but he did hug them back. The Leaf nin couldn't help but smile at the scene as Baki struggled to find a way he could protect his village from the destruction he was seeing as ever more likely. Of all the Sand-nin present, he was the only one who had any real loyalty to Hidden Sand.

When the siblings broke apart, Gaara looked at Baki, "Sensei, who stopped you when you were on the verge of committing suicide after everyone shunned and scorned you for choosing your team's lives over the mission?" Baki flinched like Gaara had punched him and Temari and Kankuro looked at Gaara in surprise. There was no comeback to that. Kakashi flinched too although nobody was quite sure why.

After a moment Baki nodded grimly, "Alright," He turned to Kakashi and bowed slightly, "Welcome to the revolution Kakashi Hatake and Leaf Squad Seven, it is an honor to work with you all." Kakashi bowed in return, Squad 7 following his lead and bowing as well, "We will help you to the best of our abilities."

==Meanwhile==

There weren't many things that could make Hiruzen Sarutobi actually worry. He was a very confident man and rightly so, but when Kakashi's shadow clone finished his report on the situation with Hidden Sand, the God of Shinobi was pale and sweating. Hiruzen took a few moments and then nodded, "Very well. You are dismissed." Kakashi's shadow clone nodded and dispersed. In not ordering them back, Hiruzen had given Kakashi and Squad 7 unofficial approval to continue. Now Hiruzen sat back in his chair and took an exceptionally nervous puff of his pipe.

Jiraiya grimly materialized seemingly out of thin air in the corner, "Where am I needed Sensei?" Hiruzen looked at the scroll detailing the plans for the so-called "Konoha Crush" which would allow Leaf forces to fend it off easily. After a moment of consideration, "I seem to recall hearing that Hidden Sand has some delightful ramen. Would you mind going and supervising our greatest ramen critic while he samples it? I understand that sand snakes are quite a problem in the desert. You know how to deal with those."

Jiraiya nodded at the implied order, "I'm on it." He stepped to the open window and Body Flickered away. A moment later Danzo stepped out of the shadows, "Shall we cast a shadow across the sand then?" Hiruzen shook his head, "The tree needs its roots close and deep, listening for the sound of trouble, muffling it where possible. A murder of crows might be helpful as well if you can find one." Danzo nodded, "Of course." Hiruzen propped his elbows on the desk and steepled his fingers to brace his forehead against as Danzo turned and disappeared into the shadows. Hiruzen pressed the intercom button to call his secretary, "Mari, I need every Jonin in Hidden Leaf, Zabuza Momochi and ANBU Commander Ghost in here _now._ " "Yessir." Hiruzen turned and looked out the window, taking a deep drag on his pipe, war had come again.

==The Next Evening==

After Baki had called stop for the evening, they had run all night and all day and were in sore need of a break, Kakashi set Squad 7 to light practice. Sakura was set to moving kunai around her in orbits of varying speeds, Naruto worked on channeling wind chakra around his hands and Sasuke attempted to track a shuriken under three cups that Kakashi shuffled at lightning speeds.

The Sand Siblings and Baki swapped glances and quickly set about practicing lightly as well. Temari ran through her forms with her fan at half speed, Gaara manipulated his sand into various shapes, Baki practiced with his wind blades and Kankuro unwrapped his puppet and started manipulating it expertly through what could be called an experimental kata. Kankuro's attention wasn't entirely on his puppet though, and after a few moments he had to ask, "Sakura right?"

Sakura cracked an eye from her meditative position in the midst of the eighteen kunai she had orbiting her in three rings, two going clockwise and a wobbly one counter clockwise, "Yes?" Kankuro looked closer, "Where are your strings?" Sakura opened her eyes fully and looked at him, "Strings?"

Kankuro frowned, "Yeah, I manipulate my puppet with chakra strings. I've never seen anyone manipulate objects remotely without chakra strings, but I can't see yours." "Sakura doesn't use strings," Kakashi said without taking his eyes off the cups he was shuffling, "She coats the object in chakra and uses that to manipulate it. No contact required. Her control is honestly the greatest I've ever seen."

Kankuro's jaw dropped as he thought about the implications of that for his puppet techniques. The greatest danger for a puppeteer was the possibility that their strings could be cut, to be able to manipulate a puppet without that contact would be to have a nearly unstoppable puppet! It only took Kankuro a moment to reach a decision. He prostrated himself before Sakura, "Teach me oh mighty goddess!" Sakura blushed at the praise and her kunai almost fell out of the air in surprise as everyone paused for a moment to look at him, "What?"

Kankuro explained and she smiled, "Well why didn't you just say so? There was no need to call me a goddess, not that I mind," she added with a blush. She floated one of the kunai over to him and placed it in his hand, "coat that in chakra. When you have it coated, find the minimum amount of contact to maintain the coat, and then try to move your hand away from the kunai and maintain the chakra coating. I'm actually not sure how I pulled this off the first time, I was crazy high on a chakra overdose and after that it just felt natural, so all I can really give is tentative advice about what I did before that."

Kankuro quickly managed the chakra coating and spent the rest of the evening trying to maintain it without contact.

==The Next Day==

Sakura looked down at the others, "Hey guys, we're being followed. The chakra signature's as big as Naruto's and coming up fast." "How fast?" Kakashi asked. "On top of us right now fast," Sakura replied dryly as she paused midair and turned to look at the red and white figure that was zooming across the prairie. The others turned to look just in time to see the person launch himself over the top of the nearest hill like it was a ramp. It somersaulted through the air before landing on one foot. The white haired man in red hopped on the foot he had landed on with a fist raised and a hand extended in front of him and a huge grin, "It is I! The one and only monk of Mount Myoboku! The mighty Sannin and teacher of the Fourth Hokage! The great and powerful Toad Sage!" He brought his foot down and a toad as tall as he was appeared under him in a blast of chakra smoke, "Jiraiya!"

Before anyone could say anything, Naruto hopped on _his_ foot with a fist raised and a hand extended in front of him before slamming his foot down with a finger pointed at Jiraiya, "Good for you!"

Whatever air of importance Jiraiya had been trying to achieve, that was the end of it as the toad, Temari, Kankuro, and Shukaku started laughing and everyone else grinned and tried very hard not to. Jiraiya visibly deflated and looked at Naruto tiredly, "Oh you are _just_ like your mother…"

==Meanwhile==

The samurai eyed the massive sandstorm raging across the desert towards him like a thousand-meter high tidal wave. "This is the Fourth Kazekage's doing," the samurai's hunchbacked companion declared, "He's trying to stall us, and I'd have to say he's doing a fine job of it. We'll be stuck in the nearest safe place until it passes, and by the time that dies down, we'll be too late." The samurai stepped forward and reached for his sword, "It's a good thing Kaze-sama sent me then."

His companion skeptically eyed him like he was out of his mind, "What are you going to do? Cut the sand?" "No," the samurai replied, "Just the wind holding it up." His companion's eyes widened as the samurai said quietly, " _Cloud Breaker_." The samurai slashed even as he drew his blade, and the power of his technique generated a wall of force that rocketed across the desert. When it impacted the approaching storm, the storm stopped cold and then collapsed.

The hunchback stared as the samurai sheathed his sword, "Let's go." "You know that I'm turning you into a puppet if you die in front of me right?" Sasori asked as they set off again. "As long as you pair me with a cute blonde puppet of appropriate strength I'm flattered that you think so highly of me," Mimasu replied. "Fair enough," Sasori agreed as he made a mental note to find a strong cute blonde.

==Meanwhile==

A crow landed on its master's arm, and the dark haired man took the message from the crow's leg. The dark haired man quickly read the message before turning to his massive partner, "It would seem I'm being called home." The massive blue man grinned a grin full of razor sharp teeth, "well, I must say this is quite exciting, I've never seen this village of yours before." Itachi Uchiha _hmmm_ ed, "As I recall you never got to attend the Chunin Exams either. This will just be a trip full of firsts for you won't it Kisame?"

Kisame grinned, "Indeed it will!" "So I'm sure you'll forgive me for the mission parameters," Itachi smiled as he handed Kisame the paper and turned to the blue haired woman across the room, "Konan, we've received a mission. Would you like to come along?" Konan thought about it and then smiled, "I suppose I might. It's been ages since I've seen Jiraiya-sensei after all." Kisame was frowning at the paper Itachi had handed him, "I don't get it Itachi, what's so bad about this?"

Itachi fished a picture from inside his cloak and handed it to Kisame with a smirk, "Here's our cover." Kisame studied the picture for a moment and then, "Wait a minute…" Kisame's eyes widened, "NO! NO! NO! NONONONO _NO_! I WON'T DO IT! YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!" Itachi grinned evilly at him, "Is that a challenge?" Kisame paled as Itachi's Sharingan flared to life. Konan smiled, "This is going to be fun."

==Two Days Later==

"So that's it huh?" Sasuke asked. Gaara nodded, "Welcome to Hidden Sand." "Looks like they were expecting us," Jiraiya observed as he noticed the clearly heightened security. "Actually," a voice declared from behind them, "I think that was our fault." They turned and saw a wiry man with shoulder length blonde hair, a black trench coat and a katana eyeing them with a hint of amusement in his almost glowing yellow eyes. "They tend to get a little skittish whenever I come to town," added the short hunchbacked man in the straw hat and black cloak with red clouds, "By the way boy, is that my Crow?"

Kankuro started to protest and then he realized what the man had said and his blood ran cold, "Sasori of the Red Sand?" Sasori grinned slightly, "The one and only."

 **AN:** _First of all, yes, the Akatsuki are moving on stage much earlier, and yes, as I said in the author note of Chapter 2, they are radically different from canon in many ways. We'll explore those ways as we go along._

 _Yes Kankuro may very well develop a crush on Sakura now that he knows about her incredible control he will certainly have a deep respect for her._

 _Yes Danzo and Hiruzen work together in this story, and yes Itachi and the Akatsuki were just hired by the Hidden Leaf. Sasori is still with the Akatsuki but he is currently on a job for the Lord of the Land of Wind, which is who Mimasu works for._

 **OMAKE: SASUKE'S GREAT ESCAPES: LOVE AND RAMEN**

==A Week After Sasuke's First Encounter With The Fangirl Horde==

Sasuke was running again. Itachi hadn't been kidding when he said the terrible horde was relentless. He rushed down the street and suddenly a strong hand caught him by the back of the shirt and yanked him up and through the air. Sasuke was set in the shade and he heard the fangirls go stampeding past behind him on the other side of whatever small wall he was sitting behind. He looked up and saw an old man in white with a smile. The old man didn't look down and went on about his business, it looked like he was cooking something, but he said quietly, "stay down kid, they're not all gone yet."

"Thank you," Sasuke replied quietly, "Why are you helping me?" "You're not the first kid to hide from a mob at Ichiraku Ramen," the old man replied with a smile. Before Sasuke could ask what he meant, a little blonde girl bounced over the counter down to where Sasuke was hiding. Before Sasuke could cringe in horror, the little girl shot behind the curtain below the counter. Sasuke realized it was a good idea and slipped behind the curtain as well.

The little girl looked at him with nothing short of terror and scrambled back as much as she could in the confined space. Sasuke put his fingers to his lips and shushed her, noting as he did that even though she was terrified she was extremely pretty. Certainly better than any of those banshees chasing him he thought. The whisker marks were kind of cute too…and she wasn't chasing him, didn't even appear to be interested in him…maybe she could be for him what Anko-onee-chan was for Itachi?

Sasuke found himself blushing slightly and was very happy that it was dark under the counter. Why was she hiding? he wondered, Was there such a thing as fan _boys?_ No, he thought, shaking his head, surely the world couldn't be _that_ messed up…

About fifteen minutes later they heard yelling outside. The yelling quickly dissolved into the sounds of a very loud fight. The fight didn't last long and then three people sat down at the counter. "What troublesome people," said one, "Really, chasing a little kid like that. Where's the decency?" "They don't have any," said the second, "Hello sir, I understand that this is some of the best ramen in the village. I am very hungry after that little policing action and would love to try one of everything." The old man smiled, "Most certainly my good sir! One of everything, coming right up! Would you other two gentlemen like anything?"

"Miso for me," said the first. "Pork for me," said the third, "Oh hello sweetheart, how have you been?" "Daddyyy! Sasuke-kun disappeared again!" Sasuke froze in horror as he recognized the girl's voice. There was a little poof of chakra smoke next to him and Sasuke suddenly found himself looking at an exact duplicate of himself. The other Sasuke who had been the little girl gave him a thumbs up and whispered "good luck!" before shooting out the side of the ramen stand and a moment later the squeals and screams started again, quickly fading as Sasuke's mysterious savior of the day led them away.

The old man looked under the counter after a minute, "All clear kid." Sasuke poked his head out and thanked the old man politely. Then a voice said from behind him, "So you're the one my daughter won't quit going on about?" Sasuke looked over his shoulder and saw the three men who had been fighting and yelling before they sat down. The one that had spoken was blonde, the man next to him was huge and heavy set, and the third man had dark hair and scars.

"Who would've guessed Fugaku's kid would take so much after Mikoto?" said the big man. "Maybe that's why the girls like him," the scarred man said with a grin and the other two started laughing. Sasuke wasn't sure what they meant, but he was pretty sure they weren't laughing at him so he didn't say anything. Then the big one asked, "So if you're here, then who was that the girls ran off after? You're mighty young to know clone techniques."

The old man sighed as he served up another bowl of ramen, "That was the one you three just saved from his own personal mob." The three men's eyes widened and they leapt up in unison yelling, "Oh crap!" "What a drag…" The scarred man groaned. "We'll be right back!" the big man declared as he kept eating. "But if those girls catch him and find out they were tricked the kid's done for!" the blonde one added. They took off after the girls and the one that had transformed to look like Sasuke to lead them away.

Sasuke fished out some money and handed it to the old man, "Will that cover two bowls of ramen for that girl who was hiding with me?" The old man blinked and smiled, "Of course, I'll make it four since you two are having such a harrowing day. Naruto's actually a boy though. He's had to become very skilled at Transformation Jutsu." Sasuke was visibly stunned by the revelation and the old man laughed. As Sasuke left his mind was in turmoil, _Does this mean all girls are crazy and the ones that aren't are boys using transformation?!_

Then he looked around and saw the destruction the three men had left in their wake. There had to be thirty people flung all over the street, most of them unconscious, and one was even hanging upside down pinned to a wall by his clothes with shuriken! _Note to self,_ he thought, _never make Ino's dad angry…_

A voice spoke from behind him, "So Sasuke, what happened here?" Sasuke spun and saw his dad and cousin Shisui standing there surveying the scene. Sasuke hugged his dad, now that he was here those stupid fangirls wouldn't dare mess with him! So Sasuke explained what had happened and finished with, "And then the old man said that one cool girl who got the crazy ones off my back was actually a boy, but I'm not sure I believe him. That would be like mistaking big brother for a girl." Shisui sniggered and suddenly Itachi popped out of a nearby dumpster, "Not one word Shisui!" Then every girl left on the street shrieked "ITACHIIIII!" "CRAP!" Itachi yelled and took off running as fast as he could.

Fugaku looked at Shisui, "I'm guessing that's happened?" Shisui nodded, still trying his very hardest not to laugh. Fugaku sighed and patted Sasuke on the head, "Son, never grow long hair. I tried to warn your brother and he didn't listen." Sasuke nodded, "Ok."

 **AN:** _Yes, this incident is the source of Sasuke's sexual tension with Naruto. He never was able to not see Naruto as the beautiful girl that saved him from the crazies. It didn't become belligerent sexual tension until after he met Naruto's male form. He would've accepted Naruto's antics if Naruto had been in female form and probably have gone out with Naruto at least a few times. This has not happened because Naruto constantly uses what Sasuke sees as a very annoying disguise._


	10. Chapter 10: The Chunin Exams

=Chapter 10 – The Chunin Exams=

==Hidden Leaf, Two Hours Earlier==

Haku blinked as she saw Squad 7 enter, she and the rest of Squad 8 had been ordered to act as though nothing were off about Squad 7, but she couldn't for the life of her figure out what might be wrong. They looked perfectly fine even though they had almost been late. Kiba on the other hand was already sniffing suspiciously. Shino took the lead and led them over to Squad 7 quickly, "Well well, it would seem the gang's all here."

Sasuke nodded and looked away, "Hn." Haku blinked, well that was very Sasuke-ish. Naruto looked very unhappy and was muttering something about stupid genjutsus. Sakura smiled and waved politely. Before Haku could really question them, a huge blast of smoke erupted at the end of the room, "LISTEN UP!" Ibiki Morino, who Haku recognized immediately from the interrogations she and the rest of Zabuza's band had been subjected to, proceeded to order everyone to take a number and take a seat for the written test.

At the words "written test", Naruto suddenly had Sasuke by the lapels, "WHAT THE HELL HAVE YOU GOTTEN ME INTO?!" Sasuke just smirked at him. Sakura cheerfully put a paper pirate hat on Naruto's head that nobody was quite sure where she had pulled it from. Naruto looked at her and caught the sparkle in her eye, "Thanks…" he grumbled sourly. Haku found herself sitting next to Naruto and wondering just exactly what was supposed to be strange about Squad 7 as Naruto immediately started stressing over the test.

==Just Outside Hidden Sand==

Mimasu bowed to the Leaf and Sand-nin, "Mimasu Subete, Chief Tactician to the Lord of Wind. Sasori-san and I have been sent straight from the capitol on the direct orders of the Lord of Wind to exterminate the Council of Hidden Sand on a long list charges chief of which are treason, corruption and incompetence." The Sand-nin were particularly stunned, "What?" Baki asked in a strained voice.

Mimasu extended a scroll to him which he quickly took and read, the Kosa siblings and Shukaku reading over his shoulder and getting paler with every word. "Needless to say," Mimasu said crisply, "There's a reason my uncle has been sending most of our requests to Hidden Leaf recently." "You four seemed like you were on the verge of going rogue," Sasori declared, "Could we persuade you to join us instead and help rebuild Hidden Sand?"

"THERE THEY ARE!" A Sand-nin sentry suddenly yelled as he and his squad started sprinting towards them. Squad 7 immediately unleashed a massive triple combination wind and fire jutsu that incinerated all of them on the spot, they weren't quite fast enough though. Alarms started blaring all over Hidden Sand and Gaara smiled slightly, "We'd be delighted." Shukaku fist pumped, "AW YEAH! IT'S RAMPAGIN' TIME! RASA, YOU'RE GOIN DOWN! LET'S GO KID!"

Without waiting for anything that even remotely resembled orders, Gaara leapt out over the village and sand whirled into the massive form of Shukaku beneath him in less than a minute. Shukaku landed on Sand's ANBU headquarters and crushed it flat roaring, " **PARTY TIIIIIIIME IS HERE AGAIN!** "

Mimasu blinked, "Well, that was a little bit more direct than I expected, but let's go. Sasori-san? You brought the army." Sasori nodded, "Sand Clone Jutsu!" There was a whirl of sand and an incredibly life-like puppet of a young man appeared next to Sasori. The original Sasori opened a scroll, "Now then, Secret Red Technique, Dance of a Hundred Puppets!" There was a storm of motion as a hundred red garbed puppets erupted out of the scroll. Everyone watched in awe as the puppet-like clone opened a panel in its chest and unleashed a flurry of chakra strings that flew out and took control of the puppets before activating its own various hidden weapons.

The puppet clone took its army and rushed down the side of the wall into Hidden Sand, immediately tearing into the Sand-nin that were rushing to fight Shukaku. Then Sasori pulled another scroll from beneath his cloak, "And now the really good stuff." He opened the scroll and a burst of smoke later Baki's jaw dropped, "Lord Third…" Sasori smugly made the puppet bow to Baki and wave before he scuttled down into the village himself.

Mimasu looked at Temari Baki and Kankuro, "You three go back up Shukaku and his host. I'll start hunting down the council." He looked at the Leaf-nin, "If you would be so kind as to wreak havoc I'd very much appreciate it." Kakashi nodded, "Naruto, _army_." Naruto grinned, "Shadow Clone Jutsu!" An army of Naruto's appeared. Kakashi pointed to the village below, "Original stay here. Clones, do what you do best." The Naruto clones proceeded to jump off the ledge war whooping wildly while the original stayed behind. Kakashi looked at his students, "Team, with me. We'll be targeting problem shinobi and eliminating them, so be prepared for heavy combat." He turned to Jiraiya, "Jiraiya-sama, if you would be so kind as to summon a couple of your toads, that would be wonderful."

Jiraiya grinned, "You got it!" He bit his thumb, smeared the blood on his palm and, "SUMMONING JUTSU!" A toad almost as big as Shukaku erupted beneath him, "What? Oh, hello Jiraiya-sama." Jiraiya grinned, "Mr. Gamaken, you see that big sand spirit over there? We're backing him up! Oh and those three Sand-nin down there need a lift." Mr. Gamaken nodded and drew his sasamuta, "Ok." He scooped up Baki Temari and Kankuro, sprang down into the village and smashed apart the wave of shimmering golden sand that was flying right at Shukaku with his staff.

==Back In Hidden Leaf==

The phony Squad 7 had made it almost 15 minutes into the forest before Anko caught up to them, landed on Sasuke and pinned his hands over his head with snakes, "You…" she hissed venomously. Sasuke smiled somewhat nervously, "Hi Anko-chan…" "Don't you Anko-chan me!" Anko shrieked, "What the hell are you doing here?! What the hell were you thinking just up and leaving me like that?! You…you…ARGH!" She slapped him and Sasuke's head snapped slightly sideways.

Anko blinked when nothing changed and then, "Release!" Unfortunately her snakes misunderstood her and released Sasuke as she tried to break the genjutsu she was certain was up. Hidden a distance away Orochimaru tried the same thing. Neither of them noticed the little puff of chakra smoke as the genjutsu released. A moment later a very embarrassed Anko got off of Sasuke and pulled him upright, "sorry Sasuke, I didn't realize you were going to be here and I thought you were your brother impersonating you."

Sasuke smiled, "It's alright oneechan, I would've pounced and hit him too." Anko blushed slightly, "Um, this is awkward. H-how have you been? We haven't really talked in a while, I, know that's my fault, but…" Sasuke just cut her off with a hug, "It's alright oneechan, I'm just happy to see you again." Anko blinked in surprise and then smiled and hugged Sasuke back, unconsciously squishing his face into her cleavage as she did which earned Sasuke a jealous look from Naruto. Then she felt him slip something into her kunai holster and let him go, "A-alright, I guess I'd better let you three get on with the exam. Good luck!"

==Hidden Sand==

 _Chaos,_ Mimasu thought, _plain and simple, pure, utter chaos. That's what this is. It is nice to have the help, and nobody'll know who did what when the dust settles, but it would've been nice to-_ He spun and his blade blurred into a zigzag formation as he knocked a volley of kunai out of the air with his blade. He effortlessy snagged one out of the air and hurled it back at its owner. Before the kunai even hit Mimasu was charging with an invisibly fast speed most shinobi would've called the Body Flicker and sliced the Sand-nin that had attacked him in half.

He spun, canceled a wind blast with one of his own and retaliated with a wind blade that sliced the enemy shinobi in half. _Would've been nice to have a clear distinction between friend and foe. Right now we're in a total free for all and could very well be killing as many good loyal shinobi as corrupt traitors._

He moved too fast to see again and cut down a puppet and its user in the same strike, _We can sort it out later. If we have to rebuild from scratch, I'll have an excuse to court that cute blonde with the fan._ As the thought occurred to him, a wicked grin spread across his face, _new plan, incapacitate or kill as many guys as possible, apologize later, get at least one cute girlfriend, enjoy._

He disappeared in a flash of speed again and reappeared at the end of the street, every shinobi on the street suddenly bleeding from where his sword had sliced into them. Anyone who couldn't hear Mimasu's thoughts would've found it odd that he only left shallow cuts on the kunoichi and appeared to crippled or killed all the male shinobi, and probably chalked it up to some sense of chivalry.

==Meanwhile, A Few Blocks Away==

The street had emptied quickly as two of the strongest Jonin in Hidden Sand stared each other down. The woman with green hair and orange bangs eyed her opponent, "Baki." "Pakura-sama." "What are you doing?" Baki's face twisted with fury, "I have learned that it was Lord Kazekage who turned Gaara into the monster that has terrorized the village for the last seven years." Pakura raised an eyebrow, "So all of this is your doing?"

Baki shook his head, "No, the Lord of Wind has sent one of his most trusted samurai and Sasori of the Red Sand to exterminate the Council on charges of treason, corruption, incompetence and a great many more. My team made friends with the container of the Nine Tailed Fox and his team a few days ago, they are here as well alongside Jiraiya of the Sannin to prevent the invasion from occurring." Pakura frowned and thought for a few moments, trying to calculate the odds. She didn't like the village anyway, but there was the matter of her honor to be considered.

After a moment she met Baki's gaze, "What did Lord Kazekage do to the boy?" "He made Yashamaru attempt to kill the boy, and tell him that his mother never loved him and hated the village," Baki replied angrily. Pakura's breath caught and her pupils zeroed out, nobody, _nobody_ messed with a child in front of Pakura and got away with it. Her eye twitched dangerously, "I'm gonna kill him…"

Baki nodded, "You'll have to get in line, Gaara and his siblings are already working on it alongside Shukaku and Lord Jiraiya of the Sannin." Pakura snorted, "Fine, but I need to kill something."

Baki bowed slightly with a smile, "As you wish Pakura-sama."

==On Top of Shukaku's Head==

"Six o'clock!" Kankuro yelled. Temari and Gaara stepped in unison, Temari swinging her fan and Gaara thrusting with a palm heel strike. The speeding carpet of unusually golden sand Rasa controlled was blown back and scattered by their combined power. Shukaku looked over his shoulder and swept his massive tail, demolishing the nearest four blocks instantly.

Three of Lady Chiyo's white puppets suddenly appeared and attempted a combination attack to clear the siblings off Shukaku's back, " **NOT A CHANCE YA OLD HAG!** " Shukaku roared, " **AIR BULLET BARRAGE!** " A storm of wind bullets erupted from Shukaku's mouth and even though the puppets scattered to avoid the attack, Shukaku's attack was a very widespread and fast one that was impossible to avoid at such a distance.

Then Shukaku turned his attack on the city below the puppets and blasted down several buildings in the space of a minute. He grinned when a wall of golden sand erupted around the fourth building his spray aimed at. " **GAMAKEN THERE!** " Mr. Gamaken was a few blocks away but he heard, turned and spewed a huge torrent of oil at the golden sand, instantly turning it to useless mush. Jiraiya Body Flickered onto Shukaku's head to get closer and as the oil stream stopped, "Dragon Flame Jutsu!"

A massive torrent of flames blasted into the sand, igniting the oil it was drenched in and turning the wall of sand into a tidal wave of molten glass. "Nine o'clock!" Temari yelled as she swung her fan and Gaara stepped around her to thrust a strike at the rapidly approaching tidal wave of sand.

Jiraiya grinned, "Keep up the good work kids!" He Body Flickered back to Mr. Gamaken and unleashed his Needle Hell on a platoon of Sand-nin that were attacking the loyal toad.

==Meanwhile, Halfway Across The Village==

Kakashi and Sasuke had activated their Sharingans and between them and Sakura's sensor abilities, Squad 7 had tracked the massive chakra trail controlling the sand back to one of the tallest buildings in Hidden Sand. Kakashi calmly turned to his students, "Ok kids, we're up against the Fourth Kazekage. He uses sand as a weapon and is certainly skilled in Wind and Earth jutsus. Wind and Fire combos can stop his sand if they're powerful enough, Wind beats Earth and Fire beats Wind, but it is still possible for the weaker element to overpower its natural counter. That's a definite possibility here."

"If it looks particularly bad," he continued, "I have something that can beyond any shadow of a doubt beat him, but I'll be out of the fight and unable to help with any further opponents afterwards. So if I tell you to line me up a shot, line it up because we're screwed otherwise. If all else fails, Naruto, let out Lady Nine Tails. Everyone good?"

Squad 7 nodded, not trusting themselves to speak through their nervousness. Kakashi smiled cheerfully, "Then let's go kill a Kage!"

==Near Shukaku==

Sasori scuttled over the side of the building and spun, lashing out with his blade tail at the old woman manipulating the white puppets attacking Shukaku and the Kosa siblings. He almost connected, but Ebizo got in the way, fending off Sasori's tail with a katana. Sasori opened his mouth and launched a volley of needles at the elderly siblings. Ebizo effortlessly blasted them away with a Wind Scythe Jutsu and said over his shoulder, "Chiyo, it's your grandson!"

Chiyo looked over her shoulder and grinned mockingly, "Sorry sweety, Granny's busy right now. Be a good boy and play with your Uncle Ebizo while Granny kicks ass." Sasori growled as Chiyo smugly turned back to manipulating her remaining seven puppets against Shukaku, "You might want to pay attention you old bat, here's a REAL puppet." He jerked his arm and the Third Kazekage puppet erupted over the side of the building, a massive cloud of iron dust floating behind it. Ebizo stepped back in horror, "Sasori, what did you do?!"

Sasori grinned as Chiyo looked over her shoulder and gasped in horror. "What I did, dear Granny and Uncle, is surpass you both!" Sasori's sand clone and all one hundred of his other puppets erupted over the side of the nearest buildings as Sasori grinned, "And what I'm _about_ to do is kill you both! Don't worry, I'm sure you'll make excellent puppets."

Chiyo recalled her puppets and turned to face her grandson, "Okay, you now have our _full_ attention. Time for a spanking you little brat!"

==A Few Blocks Away==

Pakura, Baki and the Sand-nin they had collected who would prefer to be on their team rather than risk being on their bad side all stopped at a crossroads as a platoon of Sand-nin ran past as fast as they could. Pakura and Baki looked and saw a small army of clones chasing the fleeing Sand-nin singing at the top of their lungs, "WE ARE FIGHTING DREAMERS! HEADING FOR THE TOP! FIGHTING DREAMERS! FIGHTING DREAMERS, NEVER CARE WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT SAY BOUT US, FIGHTING DREAMERS! FIGHTING FOR WHAT WE BELIEVE IN, OLI OLI OLI OH JUST GO MY WAY!"

The army of clones stampeded past, and Baki reached out and caught one by the collar, hauling it out of the raging tide of Narutos, "Naruto! Status report!" The Naruto clone saluted, "We don't know who's who, so we're capturing, pummeling and tying up everybody! We've lost maybe a tenth of our forces, but we're still going strong! Temari Gaara and Kankuro are helping Shukaku, Jiraiya's with them and his giant toad, and Scorpion-dude and that guy with the scary eyes in the coat are hunting the council! Don't know where Squad 7 is!" Baki nodded, "Very good! Carry on!" "AYEAYE!" The Naruto charged back into the swarm of its fellows and immediately rejoined the chorus.

Pakura shot Baki a questioning look and Baki shrugged, "You know Leaf-nin. They're ALL crazy." Pakura thought about it for a moment, "Do you think we should join them?" Baki shrugged, "I see no reason not to." He joined the Naru-mob waving his fist and joining right in, "FIGHTING DREAMERS! NEVER CARE WHAT PEOPLE MIGHT SAY BOUT US!"

He was soon lost in the crowd and Pakura couldn't help but smile as she called to her new subordinates, "You don't have to sing but follow that mob!"

==Meanwhile, The Forest of Death==

Squad 7 paused because Naruto had to pee and a moment later two Naruto's walked back up. Sasuke casually munched a stick of Pocky, "Ok, you know the drill. What's the password?" Both Naruto's looked very put out and then the one on the right yelled, "IT'S ME YOU BASTARD!" Sasuke raised an eyebrow, "Yep, that's him." He and Sakura got up as the other Naruto transformed into a tall Grass-nin, "So you're onto me already, kukuku…"

Orochimaru came within an inch of peeing himself when Squad 7 transformed into Kisame Hoshigaki, the woman known only as Konan and Itachi Uchiha. "Why yes," Itachi declared, his sharingan flaring to life as he munched his Pocky, "Yes we are, and as it just so happens I owe my girlfriend a pair of snakeskin boots for breaking her heart. Add your head on a silver platter to that and it should make quite a nice apology present." Orochimaru somehow managed to get even paler behind the face he had stolen, _uh-oh…_

 **AN:** _It's bugged me ever since it happened that Kishi gave Gaara's dad the ability to manipulate gold dust when the entire premise of Suna's participation in the Konoha Crush was that they were flat broke. It makes no sense at all, so now he manipulates particularly golden sand, not actual gold. This is also where the Sand Siblings new last name Kosa (golden sand) springs from._

 _For those who don't know who Pakura is, she's one of those previously unknown shinobi that Kabuto resurrected for the 4_ _th_ _shinobi world war in canon. She has dark green hair with orange bangs, she's very attractive, uses a Fire+Wind kekkai genkai called Scorch Release which lets her dehydrate anybody or anything instantly, and according to the Naruto wiki is very honorable, loves kids, and is a hero in Hidden Sand despite having died cursing Suna and Kiri._

 _Yes, Itachi and Anko were very attached to each other, and things were very hot and heavy when the Uchiha Massacre happened. If Itachi hadn't had warning that such a thing might be coming he would've proposed to Anko about two months before it happened. Yes it left her quite upset, and she doesn't like to talk about their relationship or anything that could make her think about it, which is why there hasn't really been any Sasuke/Anko interaction despite the fact they adored each other before the UM. Itachi was quite torn up about it as well. Yes I know Itachi had a girlfriend in canon, and yes, I agree, the way Itachi made sure it went down in the manga was insanely sweet (the anime version was a total DAMMIT TOBI! moment), but in this story he was involved with Anko, and they were every bit of that great together._

 _For those wondering why Orochimaru is quite frankly scared shitless about the prospect of facing down Itachi, Konan and Kisame when Itachi and Kisame turned tail and bolted at the mere sight of Jiraiya, I figure Orochimaru's strength lies in his brains, not in raw power. All three Sannin are extremely smart and powerful, but I figure Orochimaru's the smartest but technically weakest since Jiraiya and Tsunade were both quite capable of stomping him, Jiraiya's the strongest (especially when one takes his Sage Mode into account), and Tsunade's the toughest to keep down because of her regeneration abilities and stubbornness. That may not be how it is in canon, but it is in this story. Also, Orochimaru was confirmed to not be able to handle Itachi in canon, so Itachi + Kisame + Konan is more than enough to mercilessly curb-stomp him._

 _Shout out to Shadowmaster62 and their story "Never Cut Twice" for the insight that Itachi likes Pocky. Go check it out if you haven't, it's 33 chapters of pure awesome, and a must read for fans of Itachi, Kisame and Temari._


	11. Chapter 11: Snakes and Sand

Chapter 11 – Snakes and Sand

==Hidden Sand==

Rasa was almost caught off guard as the quadruple combination Fire + Wind combo jutsu rocketed out of the stairway towards him. When it died down there was a massive sheet of molten glass between him and Squad Seven. Rasa raised his hands and the sand behind the molten glass took the form of hands, letting the molten glass coat it like gloves. "I don't have time to deal with you right now!" Rasa yelled, "Be gone!"

He threw a volley of punches and the sand mimicked his hands in movement and speed, forcing Squad Seven back down the staircase. Rasa struck towards the staircase sharply and launched the sand and molten glass down the staircase after them. Just as he was turning back to attacking Shukaku, two blue somethings zoomed by outside the window and a moment later he was fending off another combination wind and fire jutsu as Sakura backed up Sasuke and his clone from outside.

Before that jutsu had finished Kakashi and Naruto were attacking from behind and Rasa had to throw up a sand wall behind him to stop that attack too. Then _another_ attack rocketed in from the side and Rasa had to block that too! He was sweating by the time the firestorm let up, even all the sand he had put between him and his attackers couldn't absorb _all_ the heat.

He lowered his sand to look outside and his eye twitched, they had covered all the exits with earth walls. Up on top of the building Kakashi and two Sasuke clones blew out fire jutsu that formed an arrow pointing right at the building the Kazekage was in.

On Shukaku's head Temari saw the beacon and grinned, "Ten o'clock!" Shukaku turned and grinned, " **OH YEAH!** "

==The Forest of Death==

Getting kicked around like a ball was a decidedly novel experience for Orochimaru. It was also, he decided as the flat of Kisame's sword connected with his face like a bat and tore a significant amount of it off, not a fun one.

Orochimaru barely managed to roll away in time to avoid being beheaded by Kisame and was rewarded for his efforts with a kick from the blue skinned giant in a very painful place. He substituted away barely in time to avoid permanent damage and was promptly perforated by Itachi's shuriken.

Orochimaru started to keel over and then for the third time that day vomit-molted out a fresh body that was created on the run. Literally, the Snake Sannin was running the instant his new body had feet. "That is really quite disgusting," Konan mildly informed him as she effortlessly bounded alongside him.

Orochimaru's eyes bugged out as Konan turned solid white and began fraying away into dozens of sheets of paper. Then Konan grinned at him, "Death by a Million Paper Cuts!" Orochimaru howled in pain as the Konan paper storm engulfed and thoroughly lacerated him.

Konan reformed a few feet away when she was done. It was the first time she had ever tried that technique, and as she looked down and saw that she was thoroughly covered in blood she decided it would also be the last, "Ew."

Orochimaru tried weakly to crawl away, hardly able to think through the searing pain. Kisame promptly used him as a landing pad for his troubles. Orochimaru would've howled if his lungs hadn't been crushed by the tremendous weight of Kisame landing on him. He managed a squeak and Kisame feigned surprise, "Oops! Was that your _lungs?_ Oh I'm sooo terribly sorry! Itachi, quick! Come help me cut him open some gills!"

Orochimaru's last thought was, _It doesn't work like that…_ Then Itachi decapitated him. "Oops," Itachi said with a grin, "I think I overdid it."

==Hidden Sand==

Sasori grinned. _I have to give it to the old bat, she is good_ , he thought, _But with the Iron Sand at my disposal she doesn't stand a chance. Having her outnumbered ten to one helps too of course._ Another of Chiyo's white puppets was pulled apart at the joints by the iron sand and Sasori momentarily lamented that he was having to damage such great artworks as the first master's ten puppets. Then one of his own was cut in half by the red haired puppet and Sasori's reservations about tearing the white puppets apart with their user vanished, _Ok, NOW they're DEAD._

==A Few Blocks Away==

Baki looked over his shoulder from the front of the mob as they came up a hillside and saw that they had picked up a lot more sand-nin than they'd had when they started, then he turned back to his running with a grin, "FIGHTING DREAMERS! FIGHTING FOR WHAT WE BELIEVE IN!"

==The Tower==

Rasa exploded out through the side of the tower, just in time to see Shukaku unleash a storm of bull sized air bullets right at him. Then one of the cursed Leaf nin set the air bullets on _fire_. Rasa had no choice but to drop down to street level with the full haste of gravity. Then he saw Baki and Pakura leading an army of Leaf and Sand nin. "EVERYBODY WITH ME!" Pakura yelled as she saw him, "AIM STRAIGHT AHEAD! I NEED THE BIGGEST WIND JUTSU YOU CAN BRING!"

Rasa had a fleeting moment of horror and substituted with a Sand Clone just in time to avoid the firestorm the army of Leaf and Sand nin sent flying down the street. Rasa huffed with worry, this was way worse than any rampage Gaara had ever went on, _I've gotta get rid of these fire users or they're gonna be the death of me! There aren't that many of them, and once I do that, the rest of them won't stand a chance against my sand. The problem is that if that toad works for who I think it does, then Jiraiya of the Sannin is here and out for my head._

A slight flicker of movement was all the warning Rasa had and he managed to throw up a sand wall just in time to block Squad Seven's double Fire-Wind Combo. He burrowed underground and caught two of the accursed Leaf nin by the feet, quickly dragging them underground up to their necks. He didn't care which two, he just needed them to hold still. He crushed them with the sand around them and zoomed away.

If he had been above ground he might've noticed the bursts of chakra smoke as the Shadow Clones he had grabbed dispersed. Instead he zoomed away thinking he had killed two of the accursed Leaf-nin as he zoomed back around to flank the army that had attacked him.

Rasa popped up behind the army and flashed through a set of hand signs, "SUNA TSUNAMI!" Before his targets could react to the thirty-foot high wall of sand erupting towards them, he thrust with his palm, "SAND HAIL HELL!" The tidal wave of sand suddenly started firing cannonballs of hardened sand. Rasa wasn't a sensor, so he didn't know about all the Naruto clones using themselves as human shields for the Sand-nin, and he was in a hurry, so he was gone before the sand wave buried the entire street.

He zoomed away through the streets on a cloud of sand and came up behind Mr. Gamaken. He back flipped off his sand cloud and launched the entire thing at the mighty toad like a giant cannon ball. He heard massive bones crack as the giant toad disappeared and a white haired figure in red was visible for just an instant falling through the air before it Body Flickered away.

Rasa didn't stick around to throw down with Jiraiya though. He rocketed above the skyline on a fresh cloud of sand and quickly saw the puppet melee between Chiyo and Sasori. He used his sand to launch himself at the melee like a cannon ball and spun as he flew, whipping wind blades to life as he flew. He sliced apart fifty puppets on his way through, he didn't care which were which, but he heard Sasori howling in outrage, so he guessed he had gotten at least a few of the right ones.

He landed on a cushion of sand and launched himself at Shukaku's head, or rather, at the three people on top of Shukaku's head. He flipped mid-air, and kicked Gaara off Shukaku's head before any of the three knew he was there. He grabbed Kankuro and Temari and dragged them off with him as he jumped after Gaara. He slung them and Shukaku caught them quickly, but that was just what Rasa had expected. He unleashed a storm of wind bullets and Temari was still too stunned from her landing to deflect them. If Rasa had ever seen his children as more than tools, he might've been affected as they cried out in pain when the air bullets tore into them.

Shukaku's form shuddered as Gaara struggled to maintain consciousness. Rasa caught himself on his own cloud of sand and a moment later Shukaku slammed to the ground as Rasa's sand mixed with his sand body and dragged him down. Rasa smiled grimly, _now to deal with the Leaf interlopers. Ah speak of the devil…_

The entire Leaf team had gathered around the square on the roof tops and unleashed three massive Fire+Wind combos at once. Rasa substituted with Sasori at the last minute as Suna's most powerful Missing-nin came to the edge of the roof where he had just finished his battle with Chiyo and Ebizo. Sasori howled and went down. His real form popped out of the burning form of his puppet just before it hit the ground and was immediately wrapped in sand and thrown furiously swearing back into the dying fireball.

Rasa blindsided the Leaf-nin with a storm of sand bullets, easily forcing them back as his sand bullets tore away the buildings they were standing on and Rasa was certain he hit at least two or three of them. There was a loud WHUMP behind him and a very scorched looking Sasori straightened up with murder in his eyes. He ripped off his burning Akatsuki cloak as his body's hidden weapons popped out and came roaring to life, " _NOW,_ you have made me _VERY_ angry."

==The Forest of Death==

Haku looked at Kiba and Shino, Haku was wearing his male form today, "Do Chunin-hopefuls usually get missions to target other teams?" "Not that I know of," Kiba replied. "It does seem odd," Shino added, "But it is what we were told to do, and they might have the scroll we need anyway, so I don't see that it will hurt us to go after them. Besides, we have back up coming."

"YOSH!" Rock Lee declared as he bounced up through the foliage, "It is good to see you my friends! Neji and Tenten have gone to retrieve Squad Ten and they will rendezvous with us at the interception point! Several other Leaf Teams are joining in our pursuit as well!" Haku nodded, "Good, the targets are in for a nasty surprise."

Fifteen minutes later, three very frightened Sound-Nin were confronted with almost thirty Leaf-nin. "Hey guys," Dosu growled, "If we live through this, I'm leaving Sound." "You and me both!" Zaku and Kin chorused.

==Hidden Sand==

Rasa sweated nervously as the man who had assassinated his predecessor stalked towards him, effortlessly dodging Rasa's attacks as Rasa backpedaled, _Crap…_ Then he jerked in surprise as a sharp hot pain erupted through his torso. Rasa looked down and saw Sasori's "stinger" poking out of his chest as the Sasori in front of him faded away. Sasori extracted his stinger, "Basic Academy Clone jutsu asshole. Same thing I killed the Third with. I'd make you into a puppet, but quite frankly you don't deserve that honor." He swung his arm and the fan of blades on his back decapitated the dying Kazekage.

Down in the square, Mimasu hit the ground hard and groaned as he rolled to his feet, "These damn heroics of mine are gonna get me killed one of these days…" "Tell me about it…" Temari mumbled from a few feet away. Mimasu laughed quietly and started checking her over for wounds, quickly applying medicine to the massive gashes in her shoulder, side and leg as he noted that Sasori had won.

Temari knew that she should be sad that her father was dead, but as she tried to find some memory of him that would make him worth crying over, she decided there were more important things to worry about. She tried to sit up and Mimasu pushed her back down with one finger on her forehead, "Just rest beautiful, you're injured, and the battle's over. Rasa was the last one to go." Temari blinked in surprise and then blushed slightly, _beautiful?_

==An Hour Later, The Hokage's Office==

Hiruzen blinked in surprise as the messenger ran in with a very large scroll, "Lord Hokage! An urgent message has just arrived for you!" Anko burst in right behind him, "What happened?! I just got word from a couple of genin who bailed out of my exam that Orochimaru and the Akatsuki were in my forest!"

Hiruzen frowned and looked at the scroll in his hand before looking at the messenger, "Who did you get this from?" "A blue giant with shark teeth! He said he'd eat me if I didn't get it to you." Hiruzen nodded, "Ah, then this must be what I asked them to deliver. You may leave now. Anko, you stay." The messenger bowed and quickly left.

Anko looked at Hiruzen, " _You_ hired the Akatsuki?" "Actually it was officially Danzo, but yes it was on my orders," Hiruzen replied, "Now then, let's see what they sent us." He opened the scroll to reveal a large storage seal on it and quickly opened the seal.

There was a huge burst of chakra smoke and when it cleared, Hiruzen and Anko saw three bodies, one which was shredded, squashed and missing its head, one which was burned to a crisp, and one which appeared to have been stabbed and _skinned_. Anko and Hiruzen stared, all three bodies belonged to Orochimaru. There was a note, _All done, please enjoy your dead snake. We will expect payment within the week. The Akatsuki._

There was also a smaller scroll labeled _For Anko._ Hiruzen looked at it and handed it to Anko, "Apparently they left you a present." Anko set the scroll on the floor and opened it curiously before releasing the contents of the storage seal inside it. Out popped a fur lined white leather coat and matching boots with a covered silver platter. Anko blinked in confusion and then looked in shock at the body which appeared to have been skinned. Then she looked at the dish, and carefully lifted the top off it. She shrieked with surprise as she saw Orochimaru's severed head looking at her. The note with it said, _To Anko, Love Itachi._

Anko's eyes flickered across the bizarre and gruesome gifts and then up to Hiruzen who was gaping at it in shock. It was several minutes before either of them spoke. Then Anko started laughing as she snatched and hugged the coat, "Best! Apology! _EVER!_ "

 **AN:** _Yep, that's the end of the Suna Civil War. Next chapter will cover the aftermath and there probably won't be any preliminaries since the Sound team won't be making it and the Sand Siblings and Squad Seven weren't in the Exam. Yes, the Konoha Crush has been averted with Orochimaru and Rasa's deaths._


	12. Chapter 12: The Fifth Kazekage

Chapter 12 – The Fifth Kazekage

==Hidden Sand==

Baki and Pakura's mob of supporters had dragged all the captured and unidentified as friendly or not Sand-nin into the main square where Shukaku had gone down after Naruto showed them where they were. Mimasu was overseeing the medical treatment of the Kosa siblings and the Leaf nin while talking quietly with Sasori and Jiraiya.

Jiraiya and Sasuke had been struck glancing blows by the sand bullets, but Naruto's Shadow Clones had used themselves as meat shields to protect him and Sakura, and Kakashi had managed to dodge. Sasuke was wincing and trying hard not to flinch and squirm as the med-nin worked to keep the flesh that had been scraped off his face by the sand from scarring too badly and set his broken collarbone.

As Baki, Pakura and their supporters arrived in the square, Mimasu turned to look at them, "I guess I should go ahead and address those present and let word spread from there. I can have an official address tomorrow or the next day. Sasori, you are of course welcome to scavenge the battlefield for materials to replenish your collection." He extracted a scroll from his cloak, "And here is your payment. We are in your debt and look forward to working with you again."

Sasori nodded with that sleepy smile his now scorched puppet face was forever stuck in, "And the Akatsuki will look forward to working with you as well. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go get started, I'm still not very popular here." He turned to go and then paused, "Oh, by the way, pass this along to that boy with the face paint for me when he wakes up. I was paying attention during the battle to see if he was worthy of wielding Crow. Have him seek me out when he is able to use the five puppets I left in Hidden Sand simultaneously, and I will take him on as my apprentice." Before anyone could question him, he disappeared in a puff of sand.

Everyone who had heard him and knew who he was gaped at the spot where he had been. "Well," Shukaku drawled from his spot atop Gaara's head, "Kankuro's gonna be bouncing off the walls with joy." "Indeed," Gaara agreed calmly. Then Temari remembered something and pointed at Mimasu with a bandaged hand, "And what do you mean 'beautiful'?! Were you trying to flirt with me?!"

Mimasu shot her an unnerving stare that actually made her flinch slightly, "What do I mean by beautiful? Well I suppose I mean that you are extremely attractive. I could've been being sarcastic or patronizing as I sometimes am, but in this case I was not. Most likely what I meant was that since I have been sent to take over as Kazekage and you are in fact highly attractive as well as being highly skilled in wind jutsu is that I would like to see you again in a less tense situation and possibly pursue a romantic relationship with you. I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure that's what I meant at the time."

Then he looked away and shrugged with a small grin, "Of course, I _had_ just fallen out of the air and landed very hard, perhaps you have no desire for my attention and I will claim my brain was a little rattled by my hard landing before apologizing for making you uncomfortable. Really it's whatever you make of it Temari-hime."

Temari blushed and tried to come up with an answer for that and then Gaara said in that odd monotone of his, "Wha-oh, Temari's got a boyfriend." All the color went out of Temari's face in an instant and her jaw dropped. She looked at Gaara in shock, "Did, did you just _tease me?_ " "I have no idea what you're talking about," Gaara replied with a deadpan stare and a perfectly straight face.

Temari's brain tried to process that and her mouth opened and closed a few times with no sound coming out as Shukaku nearly fell off Gaara's head laughing.

==The Uchiha District==

"Ok Itachi, where's the shower?" Konan demanded as soon as they were in the door, "I've got way too much of that snake's blood on me and I want a bath." "Upstairs, first door on your right," Itachi replied as he looked around at the house he had grown up in. "Good," Konan declared, "Come on Kisame, you can help me wash my back." She disappeared off up the stairs dragging a very happy Kisame.

Itachi wasn't really paying attention. He had picked up a family picture and was sighing at it. He set it back after a minute and looked at the one Sasuke had put next to it, the only one that was new. "So they gave him to Kakashi," Itachi said quietly to himself, "I wonder what he did to deserve that." Sasuke looked, well maybe not happy, but definitely smug in his team photo. There was a blue haired girl who Itachi couldn't identify and a blonde kid who could only be, "and Naruto too. All they need now is to be…" "Squad Seven?" A voice asked from behind him.

ANBU Commander Ghost appeared out of thin air behind Itachi, his mask pushed up as he casually munched cereal from the kitchen. Itachi smiled as he set the picture back, "Are they really? Almost like Lord Third _wants_ them to be the trouble team." "Why try to prevent an inevitability?" Ghost asked, "After all, those three are bound to be trouble magnets. Putting all three of them on one team may be cursing them with the worst luck ever, but it keeps all the other teams safe. Besides, if anyone can handle _their_ luck, it's those three. I just feel a little sorry for Sakura, she got stuck as the final member of that squad. She clearly had no idea who she was getting thrown in with."

"How has he been?" Itachi asked quietly. Ghost shrugged, "What do you expect? We haven't been able to tell him the truth. He's hell bent on killing you. He'd probably have it in for me too if he knew I had been in on it." Itachi sighed, "I suppose that's to be expected. What about you? How have you been?" Ghost shrugged, "Eh, same old same old. Protect the village, worry about my family, wish we had been able to find another way."

"How are the kids?" Itachi asked. Ghost made a face, "Ehhh…well, being brought up by a bunch of ANBU in secret has its ups and downs. You're familiar enough with the downs but," He beamed, "My baby girl's almost Academy age and she's already mastered her first fire technique! I'm so proud!"

Itachi smiled, "Of course you are. If I ever get to come home, I'll be proud of my children as well." Ghost raised an eyebrow, "Didn't know you had any?" Itachi laughed, "I don't. Not yet. I don't know if Anko will ever forgive me, but if she does, I want to try." "Well she was _almost_ there on the whole forgiving you thing until she walked in on this little conversation," Anko declared acidly as she materialized in the door to the kitchen wearing the white leather jacket and boots Itachi had sent her with her fingers drumming a tattoo on the hilt of a kunai.

"Aw _f***!"_ Ghost swore after a moment of him and Itachi being pale as ghosts. He pointed at Anko, " _Anko Mitarashi this is an S-Class secret and by order of the Hokage you are to keep your mouth shut and never ever tell anybody about this on pain of death!_ "

Anko shot him a death glare, "If there's not a damn good explanation coming out of your mouth in the next five minutes, you're going to know all about 'pain of death' when I turn you into a _REAL_ ghost. Same goes for you Itachi! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Ghost was glowing crimson with embarrassment that he had been snuck up on and Itachi was poking his fingers together and having trouble making eye contact in a manner very reminiscent of a certain Hyuga. "Well…"Itachi started, "It goes kinda like this…" Then Anko fainted as Ghost's genjutsu took effect and wiped her memories of the past fifteen minutes. Itachi sprang forward and caught her halfway to the floor as Ghost sighed with relief and pulled his mask back on, "That was _way_ too close." "Tell me about it," Itachi agreed as he set Anko on the couch.

==Hidden Sand==

Mimasu stood on a large pile of sand firmly shaped into a platform courtesy of Gaara, with Gaara, Temari, Kankuro, Baki and Pakura behind him. "Shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Sand," Mimasu started, "Today, a great crisis has been averted. The Council of Sand and their foolish plans to wage a losing war on the Village Hidden in the Leaves are all dead. Most of you probably do not know me. I am Mimasu Subete, Chief Tactician to the Lord of Wind. I have been sent by His Highness to take over as Kazekage and return Hidden Sand to its former glory."

There was a fair deal of unease in the crowd so Mimasu continued, "I know that this likely does not sit well with many of you. Please take solace in the fact that I do not intend to change much and everything I will do in Hidden Sand will be for the good of Hidden Sand. On that note, I would like to hereby present my chosen advisors and the first members of Hidden Sand's new Council for your approval." He turned and looked at the Sand-nin behind him, "Baki Noberu and Pakura Nichibotsu, will you accept the position of First Councilors to the Kazekage?"

Baki and Pakura bowed slightly and in unison, "I will." Mimasu whirled, "Shinobi of Sand, will you accept these two heroes to be members of your governing council?" There was rumble of agreement and a few cheers. Mimasu smiled, "Good! Next, I would like to make a few promotions. Jiraiya of the Hidden Leaf's Sannin, please step forward."

Jiraiya stepped forward and everyone looked at him curiously as Mimasu asked, "Lord Jiraiya, are you confident in your ability to act in the Hokage's stead and interpret his intentions as he would desire?" Jiraiya thought carefully for a moment, "I am." Mimasu nodded, "Temari Kosa, Kankuro Kosa, Gaara Kosa, step forward." Temari Kankuro and Gaara stepped forward, more than a little surprised as Mimasu turned back to the assembled shinobi before him who were watching very curiously.

"These three genin were en route to the Village Hidden in the Leaves for the Chunin Exams when they learned of the former Council of Sand's incompetence. I believe they are worthy of their promotions despite not being able to attend the exams in Hidden Leaf today. For their valor and skill in the battle to secure the future of the Village Hidden in the Sand, I would confer upon them their promotions to Chunin." He turned to Baki, ignoring the stunned looks of the Kosa siblings, "First Councilor Baki Noberu, these three are your students, do you believe them worthy of this promotion?"

Baki bowed, "Yes sir, I believe that if they had attended the exams they would all have passed easily." Mimasu nodded and turned to Jiraiya, "Jiraiya of the Sannin, I ask you, as the representative of the Hokage, do _you_ believe these three to be worthy of promotion?" Jiraiya nodded, "I do." Mimasu smiled and turned to the Kosa siblings, "Temari, Kankuro and Gaara Kosa, will you accept your promotions?" The siblings accepted in stunned voices, still shocked by this turn of events.

Mimasu turned back to the assembled shinobi before him, "Shinobi of the Village Hidden in the Sand, I present to you your newest Chunin!" There was a wave of polite and in many cases somewhat confused cheers. Mimasu smiled, "And now for my first village wide proclamation as Kazekage…"

Everyone listened apprehensively as Mimasu declared solemnly, "In honor of those who have fought and passed from this world, in honor of those who gave their lives for this village, and in honor of all of you who risked your lives today for your homes and loved ones… To mark this turning point for the better in the history of the Village Hidden in the Sand and the bright new day that has dawned for all of us… To prepare us for the hardships to come as we work to rebuild and return our village to its former glory…" Mimasu paused for dramatic effect and a smile broke through his solemn façade, "Let's party!"

There was a shocked silence and then the entire square erupted in honest heartfelt cheers.

==That Night==

Temari lurched slightly as she headed off after Mimasu. It was her first time drinking and those around her had discovered her to be a giggly and temperamental drunk. Gaara and Kankuro had been carefully keeping as many people out of her way as they could. Baki had been helping until a very drunk and cheerful Pakura had led him away by the hand and he had cheerfully told Gaara and Kankuro good luck, they were on their own.

Gaara and Kankuro had fallen asleep not long after Temari passed out, Shukaku informing them that it was fine as he had a little sand clone form and thus wouldn't fully manifest if Gaara fell asleep. Now Temari was awake again and hunting a certain samurai who'd had the audacity to flirt with her. She was actually remarkably quick tracking him down, especially for someone who was so very drunk. She found him in a square with a fountain, one of the few in Hidden Sand, surrounded by Sand shinobi.

Temari may have been drunk, but she was still a kunoichi, and she knew when something was up, so she waited in the shadows of the side street she had come up and watched.

"Who do you think you are? You can't just come here, kill our entire council and declare yourself Kazekage! You're not even a shinobi! You're a _samurai_!" the apparent leader of the shinobi ringing Mimasu spat the word like a curse.

Mimasu chuckled, "Who do I think I am? I am a very bad samurai." He moved too fast to see and suddenly the man who had been questioning him was conspicuously lacking his arms. Mimasu smiled wickedly as he threw the appendages back to the man from where he now stood atop the central statue of the fountain. Curiously, the literally disarmed man made no sound at having his arms chopped off. Then he collapsed, stone cold dead and his head bounced away. Mimasu had decapitated him so cleanly that his head hadn't even realized it was disconnected. The shinobi who had been near the man backed away quickly as though the man's death were somehow contagious.

"You see," Mimasu continued, "A _good_ samurai would've gone along with the Lord of Wind's plan to send an army of samurai and crush Hidden Sand rather than talk his lord down from his righteous fury. A _good_ samurai has a sense of justice that wouldn't let him rest until a den of warriors who were more loyal to money than their rightful lord was torn apart and burned to the ground rather than volunteer to go lead them. A _good_ samurai has no need of nin or genjutsu, and wins on the strength of his spirit, conviction and training. A _good_ samurai takes as much pride in his enemies as his friends and speaks of such ethical wonders as justice and comradery."

Mimasu's chuckle was hair raising as it wafted across the square, "I never took to any of those traits very well. Many men like me are mocked if they claim themselves samurai. They are mocked as pedantic machines who know too little of ethics and too much of books. 'Book smelling sot', I believe was the last thing I was called by way of mockery. That man too found himself dead when I beheaded him in a duel the next day. Nobody ever thought to wonder if I might have poisoned him the night before to ensure he didn't get away with insulting me in the event I lost. It was unnecessary, and unethical too. So when you call me samurai, I say you are wrong. When you ask who I think I am, I tell you that I do not _think_ I am the new Kazekage, I _AM_ the new Kazekage. As such," He drew his katana and held it in front of him horizontally, "I will kill you all as a shinobi, and I will do it in time to catch this blade before it hits the water."

He dropped the sword and made a slashing motion with the hand that had held it. A hail of massive wind blades rocketed through the air and tore apart the small crowd of shinobi who had been circling him moments before. Mimasu seemed to teleport again as the air stilled. He reappeared, standing atop the water of the fountain and deftly catching his sword from the air. As he sheathed his katana, his whisper drifted across the square, _"Wind Scythe Jutsu._ "

Temari's jaw dropped and across the square atop a building, Kakashi said quietly, "What do you think Jiraiya-sama?" "I think," Jiraiya replied quietly, "We just made Hidden Sand a force to be reckoned with again." Sasuke looked over at Naruto, "From the sound of it Naruto, I think you may have missed your true calling as a samurai." "Shut up teme," Naruto grumbled. Sasuke just smiled smugly and Sakura giggled slightly at the look on his face.

==Five Years Earlier==

The serving girl shrieked in surprise as the very drunk second son of the Lord of Wind caught the hem of her kimono to ask for more sake as she passed. The girl tripped and spilled the tray of drinks, directly into the lap of the Lord of Wind's third son. There was a moment of horrified silence except for the girl stammering apologies. The ill-tempered third son was even more drunk than the cheerful second, and his face twisted with outrage as he leapt up, "How dare you spill drinks on me?! You incompetent clutz! I should have your clumsy hands cut off! Or maybe your clumsy _head!_ "

The girl shrank in terror and the third son suddenly found a piece of fish plastered to the side of his head with a loud _slap_. "That is enough brother," declared the Lord of Wind's very sober fourth son from across the table. He was the eldest bastard of the Lord of Wind's seven sons and six daughters and the most level headed of the Lord of Wind's thirteen children, "Her tripping was an accident. Me hitting you in the face with a well-aimed fish on the other hand, _that_ was quite intentional."

The second son quietly shooed the serving girl away as the third son turned on the fourth, "You bastard!" The fourth son waved his chopsticks idly, "Yes, yes, we are all quite aware of my illegitimacy and inability to inherit. You shouldn't waste that fish or anyone's time stating the obvious. Sit back down and eat Masashi, this is a party, not a tavern for brawling and frightening serving girls."

The fourth son resumed eating calmly and Masashi's face twisted with anger, "Well perhaps I will state the obvious anyway! You are a bastard and a book smelling sot! You sit in the library all day reading those scrolls of yours and never practicing your swordsmanship! I never see you at the temple and I have never seen you pray or meditate, so I call you an immoral heathen and a barbarian as well! You win your battles through trickery and you keep the company of mercenaries and peasants! You look nothing like the rest of us and nobody knows who your mother was! I call you a gutless coward, an honorless pretender and the son of a whore unfit to bear the name samurai or the blade you carry at your side!"

There was a frozen horrified silence as the fourth son continued eating calmly, letting the words hang in the air. The enmity between Masashi and the fourth son had never been a secret, anyone who had ever watched them could tell they bore no love for each other and were polar opposites. This though, this was an affront no samurai could let stand, and the fourth son would lose all standing he had if he didn't reply in an appropriate manner. Masashi began to grow uncomfortable as he stood there pointing his finger at his half-brother who just kept eating as though he hadn't heard a thing Masashi had said.

"SAY SOMETHING DAMN…" " _I heard you quite clearly idiot,"_ the fourth son snarled, the pure hate and fury in his voice shocking everyone who heard it and making them sweat with worry. Masashi in particular was stunned as the fourth son continued eating, his half-brother _never_ got angry at his insults, he just sniped right back with verbal barbs of his own. The fourth son finished his bowl and set it down, gently laying his chopsticks across the rim of the bowl.

"Now then…" he said quietly. Before anyone could question the slight pause, a monstrous pressure filled the room as the temperature seemed to plummet. As the guards rushed in they found themselves stopping to choke on the unbelievable killing intent. Masashi stepped back in horror as the fourth son's ever eerie yellow eyes bored into his.

"Consider that fish I slapped you with as a challenge to a duel," the fourth son said icily, "We can step outside and as soon as someone fetches our katana you can _test_ that swordsmanship you have never seen me practice for yourself. I'll ask those kami you've never seen me pray to if they might have mercy on my foolish brother when they judge your soul after I've lopped off your head for that little crack about my mother." Masashi was ghostly pale and drenched in cold sweat as he felt the almost surreal surety that he was going to die.

Then the smothering killing intent vanished with an almost audible *poof* and the fourth son reached for another bowl of rice with a smile, "However I would rather wait until dawn to kill you. Your pants seem to be quite soiled and I would not send you to meet the judges of the dead in soiled pants, might make an even worse impression than your standard." He took his bowl and smiled a very unnervingly bright smile at Masashi, "So I will see you in the courtyard at dawn. Eiichiro," he added to the eldest brother, "You officiate and judge the duel, and Hiro," he said to the second brother, "if you should happen to see that serving girl again before I do, send her my way. She was quite pretty and I would very much like an opportunity to make her acquaintance."

He rose and waved his fresh bowl, "I'm taking this with me. Masashi I recommend you go take a bath and change your pants. You should at least _try_ to not smell like an old sandal when you meet the judges of the dead. Everyone else, I will see you in the morning, do have a pleasant evening and don't let my little spat with Masashi ruin the rest of your meal."

He hopped over the guards who had collapsed in the doorway gasping for breath when his murderous aura allowed them to breathe again and cheerfully told them, "Keep up the good work fellas."

==Late That Night==

Kurotsuchi breathed a sigh of relief as she was on her way out. Poisoning the Lord of Wind's brother and chief tactician had been a cinch after the commotion the Lord of Wind's sons had created at dinner. It was totally worth the embarrassment of being tripped she thought. She froze as she rounded a corner and saw who was waiting for her, silhouetted at the end of the roof against the setting moon. The fourth son smiled without looking at her, "I owe you one kunoichi. Thanks to you I now have an opportunity to kill that idiot brother of mine."

Kurotsuchi didn't respond as she calculated her odds of killing him without raising the alarm to her presence. "Calm yourself, I have no intention of waylaying you," the fourth son told her calmly, "In fact I have another job for you." Kurotsuchi's eyes bugged out slightly and she only narrowly caught the almost head sized pouch of money the fourth son tossed her, "Go poison my brother the way you just did my uncle. Use something slow and painful. I do not expect him to live through our duel tomorrow, but I would not have him get off free in the odd event he does. He's on the second floor of this building, third room on the right from the stairs, and I'm sure you remember what he looks like. He's the only one of us that snores in the event you don't." Kurotsuchi nodded warily, hardly able to believe her luck.

"May I ask your name?" the fourth son asked as she turned to go down to the edge of the roof and climb through her new target's window. "It's polite to give your own name before asking someone else's," Kurotsuchi replied nervously. "I am Mimasu Subete, fourth son and eldest bastard of the Lord of Wind," Mimasu replied, "And unless I'm mistaken _you_ are Kurotsuchi Kamizuru, Chunin of the Village Hidden in the Stones and granddaughter of the third Tsuchikage."

Kurotsuchi paled, _SHIT!_ Mimasu grinned at her immediate and obvious discomfort, "It's nice to know I can call Hidden Stone for a decent assassin. Hidden Sand's been a little low on the talent pool lately." He turned away from her and said over his shoulder, "Best of luck Kurotsuchi-hime, I hope we can work together again one day." He calmly hopped off the roof, leaving a blushing Kurotsuchi to wonder if he was flirting or just polite as she shook her head and got back to her new mission.

==The Next Morning==

Masashi's head bounced off the tiles of the courtyard almost as soon as a nervously sweating Eiichiro gave the order for the duel to begin. Mimasu sheathed his blade as Masashi's now headless body collapsed, "And that's the end of that. By the way, that cute serving girl I was looking for decided to seek other employment after her little scare last night, so I'm going to go see if I can find a girl as cute as she was to celebrate my victory with. Toodleoo!" He cheerfully called over his shoulder with a wave as he headed for the gate.

 **AN:** _Yep, that's Mimasu for ya. Scary and diabolical as hell. As for who his mother is, that's a surprise for later, and nobody would_ _ **dare**_ _call her a whore if they knew who she was. Suffice to say it's no shocker to anyone who knows about her that Mimasu wound up not only in, but_ _ **running**_ _a shinobi village. (and don't worry, that's probably the last flashback for a while)_

 _For those of you wondering about Konan and Kisame, and how in the hell that happened, I'm not telling. Yet. For now, just chalk it up under that list of things that's different about the Akatsuki in Shooting Straight._

 _As for who ANBU Commander Ghost is, I would tell you, but he kinda gave me a scary red-eyed glare until I edited his name out. He says I can tell you when it's declassified._

 _Also, for those who haven't caught it yet, yes, Haku took Hinata's place on Squad 8 after what happened with Sakura back in Chapter 7._

 _Next time we'll be getting back to Hidden Leaf to find out the results of the Chunin Exams Second Round!_


	13. Chapter 13: Happy Birthday Sasuke!

Chapter 13 – Happy Birthday Sasuke

==Two Days Later==

Kakashi and Baki shook hands, Naruto was hugging Gaara in female form, Sakura was hugging Kankuro and Sasuke was actually smiling faintly. Jiraiya exchanged bows with Mimasu, "It has been an honor to meet you Lord Fifth Kazekage." "Even more of an honor to meet you Lord Jiraiya," Mimasu replied, "Please convey my strong thanks to Lord Hokage, I am doubtful that we would have prevailed if you and your team had not intervened."

Jiraiya smiled, "It was our pleasure. After all, we probably just stopped an invasion of our home." Mimasu smiled, "Ah pfft, you would've been fine. Don't worry, in a few years when we're actually back up to our old standard, we'll be on good enough terms that you won't have to worry about us." Jiraiya smiled, "I'm glad to hear it." Mimasu suddenly pulled a small scroll from inside his cloak, "If you would pass this onto Lady Tsunade should you see her again before I do, I would be very grateful."

Jiraiya accepted it with a surprised expression, "You know Tsunade?" Mimasu nodded with an odd smile, "My whole life." Jiraiya studied him a moment and then his eyes widened, "WAIT… _How_ do you know Tsunade?" "I think you already figured it out Lord Jiraiya," Mimasu said with an amused smile, "Simply put, the hair and eyes did _not_ come from my father. Neither did the brains or strength."

Jiraiya looked utterly shattered by the revelation, so Mimasu patted him on the shoulder, "Don't fret too much about it Lord Jiraiya, as many women as she says you sleep with, you've probably got far more children than she does." Jiraiya was speechless and then the thought of having children with someone other than Tsunade hit him for the first time in his life and he nearly had a heart attack as he realized he probably did.

"If it's more than two then you definitely do," Mimasu continued, clearly enjoying Jiraiya's reactions, "I've only met my half-brother a few times, but I'm sure he would be delighted to meet you as well. If you have any daughters as cute as Sokushi, Lord Jiraiya, please do send them my way." Jiraiya's mouth opened and closed and tried to form words, but no sound came out.

"Who's Sokushi?" Kakashi asked in Jiraiya's stead. "His adorable genius daughter in Hidden Rain who he's never met," Mimasu replied with a hint of an edge in his voice, "She should be right about the age to be taking part in the Chunin Exams this year now that I think about it." He paused and thought for a moment, "I wonder if Hattori's in Leaf right now…Sokushi's on his team…Hmm. I might have to attend those Chunin Finals after all. Watching Sokushi sweep the tournament would be fun, and it would be nice to see Hattori again. Oh look, he fainted."

Jiraiya was indeed passed out and foaming at the mouth slightly.

==Three Days Later==

Izumo and Kotetsu were flipped along with their desk by the wind whipped up in Jiraiya's passing. They pushed themselves back upright, "The hell was that?"

==Morning, Three More Days Later==

Squad Seven walked up, "Genin Squad Seven checking in," Kakashi declared calmly. Izumo nodded, "Alright. Any idea what had Lord Jiraiya in such a hurry a few days ago? He went by so fast it flipped our desk on top of us." "He found out that at least one of the many wild oats he has sown over the years took root and blossomed into a reportedly lovely young flower," Kakashi said dryly. Izumo and Kotetsu looked at him in confusion so Sasuke translated, "He just found out he's got a daughter who might be here for the Chunin Exams."

Izumo gasped and smacked the table, "Kotetsu! You remember? The cutie with the frog and the umbrella from Hidden Rain? I _told you!_ " Kotetsu stared, "I can't believe it, you were actually right!" Izumo looked at Squad 7, "She and her team haven't checked out, she's probably still here! Her team's staying at the eh…" He flipped through his papers, "The Windy Willows Inn!" "Lord Jiraiya should've stopped and asked us," Kotetsu said with a hint of amusement around a rice ball, "Nobody goes in or out of Hidden Leaf without us knowing about it. Not even Itachi Uchiha even though the smug bastard probably thinks him and his friends got past us by flying in on the other side of the village."

Sasuke's eyes were the widest, "WHAT?" Kotetsu grinned, "Happy birthday kid, your brother's in town. He didn't officially check in, but we're pretty sure he's at your place." Squad 7 was gone in an instant, Sasuke in the lead and the others chasing him trying to close the steadily widening gap. Kotetsu watched them go, "Wonder what he's gonna do when he finds out Lord Hokage hired those three to be here?"

"Forget that," Izumo grinned, "Imagine what he's gonna do about that redhead Ghost left for him!" The two guardians of Hidden Leaf howled with laughter.

==Half an Hour Later==

Sasuke's Sharingan was blazing as he erupted through the front door of his house, "ITACHIIIII!" He got smacked in the face by a pillow. Kisame shushed him from where he was sprawled across the couch in pajamas with little palm trees and mermaids on them. Sasuke's eye twitched, "I WILL NOT SHUSH! WHERE'S ITACHI?!"

Kisame sat up and glared at him, flooding the room with killer intent as he reached for his sword, "You _will_ shush or I _will_ brain you with Samehada. I have barely slept in three days, now be quiet and let me sleep." Kisame laid back down, his point made. "Better be careful Sasuke," Konan declared as she walked out of the kitchen eating cereal, "He's not a morning person."

She proceeded to use Kisame for a couch cushion and kept eating her cereal cheerfully. Itachi suddenly stumbled down the stairs, looking extremely worn out. He patted Sasuke on the head on his way past, "Mornin' lil bro." Itachi walked into the kitchen still half-asleep as Sasuke stared after him, face twitching.

He followed Itachi into the kitchen, staring at him in shock and confusion. Itachi opened the fridge, pulled out the jug of milk. He opened the pantry, pulled out a bowl and some cereal. He poured the cereal and then as he was pouring the milk he visibly realized who was in the room with him. Itachi froze, set the milk upright and capped it. He turned to Sasuke and kept a Sharingan stare on him as he fished a spoon from the drawer and set the milk in the fridge. Itachi took his cereal and spoon, went and sat down at the table, still staring at Sasuke the whole time.

Sasuke cautiously sat down across from him. Silence stretched for a very long few minutes as the two brothers glared at each other with their Sharingans. Sasuke broke the silence first, his voice bubbling with fury, "Why are you here?" "Big paycheck and it's my little brother's birthday," Itachi replied bluntly. Sasuke frowned, "What?" "It will be easier to show you," Itachi replied. His Sharingans whirled and Sasuke found himself slammed into a world where everything was red and black and white.

By the time Kakashi, Sakura and Naruto caught up and burst into the house a minute later, Sasuke was rocking back in shock. Kakashi froze and caught Sakura and Naruto, holding them back as he saw Kisame and Konan. Konan waved to them with a smile, "Hi! You must be Sasuke's team. He's chatting with Itachi right now, Itachi said he'd like a little privacy while he wished his brother a happy birthday." Squad 7 stared, and Konan waved to the empty chairs, "You're welcome to have a seat. I doubt they'll be long."

There was a sudden sound of sobs and everyone looked over towards the kitchen door. "Oh good," Konan chirped, "That means it's going well." "Um, is my student being tortured in there? I'm going to have to insist quite strongly on going in there if he is," Kakashi declared frostily as lightning started flickering in his palm.

Konan waved his concerns aside, "Nah, he'd be screaming a lot more if Itachi were torturing him. That or dead quiet because he'd pass out. That's heartfelt blubbering if ever I've heard it. Itachi's a big ol' softy, wouldn't surprise me if Sasuke is too."

Before anyone could question her assertion that Hidden Leaf's most infamous mass murderer was a "softy", they were interrupted as a sleepy but pretty redhead in Sasuke's pajamas came down the stairs yawning, "Morning Konan, hi Fishface. Hi Cyclops, Whiskers and Cotton-candy," she walked into the kitchen, "Hi Feather-head, hi Duck-butt. Feather-head, Anko wants breakfast in bed." Squad 7 stared after her in shock, "Who was that?" Sakura asked, certain she was "cotton candy", "For that matter, who are you?"

Konan smiled, "I'm Konan Kamihito, I was one of Jiraiya's students right after the end of the Second World War. My big blue teddy bear here is Kisame, he used to be one of the Seven Swordsmen of the Mist, and the girl who just went into the kitchen is Tayuya. She's an orphan who got roped in with Orochimaru and was sent to avenge the snakey bastard after we killed him for the Hokage. The ANBU had a little chat with her and her friends and "convinced" them to join Hidden Leaf."

"I think Tayuya said one of them didn't make it," Konan added thoughtfully, "but she and the other two are all Leaf-nin now. I think the other two are staying with Zabuza down the street. I think the ANBU guy that dropped her off said they'd be operating as a team under Anko's supervision."

Before anyone could question her further, Sasuke stepped out of the kitchen, his eyes red from crying and looking like his entire world had been turned upside down. Itachi was right behind him smiling, "Well, now that we've got that all straightened out, hi I'm Itachi. You must be Naruto and Sakura, and of course I remember you Kakashi."

"Well that's good," Kakashi replied, "Although I must say I'm rather surprised Sasuke isn't trying to kill you right now." "Sorry Kakashi," Itachi replied, "S-Rank secret. I may be officially a missing-nin, but it's still not my place to share. I only shared with Sasuke because I didn't feel like fighting my little brother to the death on his birthday. OW." Itachi stood on one foot and rubbed his shin as Sasuke gave him a triumphant look, "That's for using a genjutsu to make me hate you and not telling me sooner."

"Oh don't kick his shin Ducky," Itachi was suddenly knocked explosively off balance as Tayuya's foot collided violently with his rear end, "Kick his ass." Tayuya calmly took another bite of cereal, her leg still calmly extended and balancing on one foot as everyone stared at her and then Sasuke started laughing as Tayuya put her foot down.

Itachi picked himself up a moment later and glared at Tayuya who had her eyes closed. Tayuya moved her head like she was looking at Sasuke, "So you're Sasuke right? That ANBU guy said I was supposed to stay here for now. Said I'd be fine since you've had girls chasing you for years and never gone for any of them so you're probably gay. That and I'm a genjutsu specialist who knows how to fight without her eyes, so your Sharingan isn't much good against me anyway. I'm not worried though, I know I'm not cute enough to turn a gay guy straight, and I am definitely not a guy. So I guess it's just us girls once things get settled eh Ducky?"

She took another bite of cereal and smiled as her words sunk in. Then the room exploded with laughter. "I AM NOT GAY!" Sasuke shouted. Tayuya quirked an eyebrow and somehow gave him a mischievous look with her eyes closed, "Let's test that shall we?" Her hand snapped out quick as a striking snake, grabbed Sasuke by the front of his shirt and yanked him into a kiss. The entire room gaped and then Tayuya let Sasuke breathe.

She casually pushed him on his butt as he stared at her in utter shock. She grinned and chuckled slightly, "Well what do ya know? Maybe I _am_ cute enough to turn a gay guy straight. Your pulse seems to think so." She peeked with one eye and started laughing at him as he gaped at her. Everyone else was silent for a moment and then Itachi gave Sasuke a curt nod, "I approve."

Sakura looked stunned, Konan and Kisame laughed, Kakashi raised an eyebrow and Naruto was chuckling, "You should keep this one Sasuke, she's funny." Sasuke shot him a mild glare then looked away, "Hn. Don't have much of a choice if the ANBU are the ones who dropped her here. That means it's probably an order from the Hokage that she stay here." He sighed with a faint smile, "At this rate the Uchiha District will be full again in no time. Oh, by the way while I'm thinking about it, Naruto, I've been meaning to ask, your apartment's rather small, there's nobody living in most of these houses, you'd be welcome to take one if you wanted it. There's no rent."

Everyone blinked and then Naruto grinned, "Seriously? Thanks Sasuke!" There was a break in the conversation and then Kakashi cleared his throat, "Well, since apparently nobody's going to be having any revenge kills today that we need to take part and assist in, we _do_ kinda need to report to the Hokage about what went down in Hidden Sand." "Oh you were in Sand?" Konan asked in surprise, "How did it go? Sasori made it through right?"

Everyone looked at her and Itachi explained, "Sasori is one of us, we were aware of his mission to Hidden Sand, but not yours. We haven't reported in yet either, so how did it go?" "The Fourth Kazekage is dead along with his council, his children have been promoted to Chunin, and the Fifth Kazekage has already taken over. Sasori finished off the Fourth and Hidden Sand has just been through a small civil war," Kakashi replied, "It was quite a bumpy ride, but nothing a little medical jutsu couldn't patch up on the way back here. Sasori lost some of his puppets and was slightly injured in the battle, but he seemed to be fine."

Itachi nodded, "Very good. Well, we'll not keep you any longer. We only stuck around this long so that I could wish Sasuke a happy birthday and catch up with Anko. We've been rather cooped up and it would probably be better if we leave soon since Konan can only entertain Kisame for a few more days at most." "Kisame gets cranky when he can't chase things," Konan smiled. "Are you _sure_ we can't come with you?" Tayuya asked.

Konan moved so Kisame could sit up, "Sorry Lil' Red, the boss handpicks everybody. Otherwise we'd definitely bring all three of you." Tayuya sighed and Konan smiled at her, "Don't let it get you down, at least here you get a pet ducky." Sasuke blushed as red as Tayuya's hair.

==Half an Hour Later==

Squad Seven stood before the Hokage. Hiruzen sat forward, "So, how'd it go? I got the gist of it from Jiraiya, but ever since he got here he's been running around like a chicken with his head cut off searching for a possible daughter that might be here for the exams, so he hasn't been much use for reporting." Squad Seven grinned slightly as they remembered Izumo and Kotetsu's words on the subject. "Well," Kakashi said, "As you might know already, when we arrived at Hidden Sand with Sand Jonin Baki and his students the Kosa siblings, we met Mimasu Subete, the fourth son of the Lord of Wind who is also the son of Tsunade…" Hiruzen's pipe fell out of his mouth, "What?"

Kakashi nodded, "Yes Lord Jiraiya was quite shocked too. Anyway, we met Mimasu and he was accompanied by Sasori of the Red Sands, an S-Ranked missing-nin from Hidden Sand who had been hired to assist Mimasu in the extermination of Hidden Sand's council and the Fourth Kazekage so that Mimasu could take over as the fifth. The Kosa siblings and Lord Jiraiya attempted to draw out the Fourth Kazekage and the council by summoning and supporting one of Lord Jiraiya's toads and Shukaku the Sand Spirit, who is sealed in the body of the youngest of the Kosa siblings and the one responsible for giving them the information that caused them and their instructor Baki to turn on Hidden Sand's Council and the Fourth Kazekage."

"While they did that," Kakashi continued, "Mimasu and Sasori hunted down Hidden Sand's council and exterminated them. We were instructed to wreak havoc, which we did. We were also the first to find the Kazekage and engage him. Once we drew the Fourth Kazekage out, the battle was over in less than twenty minutes as all further resistance collapsed when he went down. Afterwards was a bit of mop up, which Naruto assisted with through use of his Shadow Clones. Mimasu took power that afternoon, promoted the Kosa siblings to Chunin for valor and loyalty and named their instructor Baki and another Sand Jonin named Pakura as his First Councilors."

"And what is your opinion of this Mimasu?" Hiruzen asked, having recovered his pipe. "We weren't able to observe him during the battle," Kakashi replied, "However we got a chance to watch him deal with a crowd of dissenters who accosted him that night. He cut down thirty shinobi with one jutsu like it was nothing, and he moves at the speed of the Body Flicker as easily as walking. He also appears to be quite good at speeches as he was able to get much of Hidden Sand to at least partially accept him even though they had never met him before and he was a samurai. He will certainly be a formidable Kazekage, however he has made his intent to honor Sand's alliance with us quite clear."

Hiruzen mulled that over, "Very good. How did your students do?" "Extremely well sir," Kakashi replied, "I'm very proud." Hiruzen nodded, "And you didn't enter them in the Chunin Exams why?" Kakashi shrugged, "Would it help?" "Given that Rain sent a team that demolished over half of the twenty-four teams in the second round as though it were nothing, and only three of our teams made it to the finals, it would help my good humor," Hiruzen replied. "If we were in the exams though, we wouldn't have met Baki and the Kosa siblings in time to stop the invasion," Kakashi pointed out. Hiruzen _hmm_ ed, "This is true. It's still going to be embarrassing when Rain sweeps the finals like a broom though." "Is it really that bad?" Sakura asked skeptically.

"One of them is the daughter Jiraiya's hunting, and she and her team are the students of Lord Hanzo's grandson who appears to be well on his way to surpassing his grandfather," Hiruzen replied. Kakashi's visible eye widened, "It _is_ that bad."

==Half an Hour Later==

Jiraiya finally huffed up the stairs of the Windy Willows Inn, he had spent the last three days searching every inn in the village trying to find a lead on the daughter Mimasu had said might be in Hidden Leaf. He had finally had the bright idea to ask Izumo and Kotetsu, who had after some ribbing directed him here. He finally got to the top floor and headed down to the suite that the Rain Team was sharing.

He knocked on the door and it was flung open, "SENSEI!" Jiraiya found himself tackled by a head of blue hair he'd thought he'd never see again, "Konan?!" Konan stepped back and replied in a singsong voice, "And that's not a-all!" A head of white hair suddenly peeked up over the couch, "Is it really him?" a voice asked timidly. "Of course it's him," Konan replied with a smile, "Now stop hiding and come meet him!"

A beautiful girl about the same age as Squad Seven's class was revealed to be under the head of white hair as she stood up. She walked around the couch and stood before Jiraiya, fidgeting nervously, "Um, hi…I don't…um…it's…this is awkward…" Jiraiya chuckled as tears welled in his eyes, "Yeah, guess I've been kind of a crummy dad. Can you ever forgive me?" Sokushi fidgeted with her hair, a long white pony tail just like Jiraiya's, "Well, I, I guess so…I mean, I'm not really angry I've just, never really had a dad before…I had Konan-sensei and Hattori-sensei and his family but…"

She looked up into her father's eyes, "I've always wanted to meet you." That was the final straw and Jiraiya went to his knees sobbing and hugging his daughter, apologizing profusely for having not been there for her. Sokushi was stunned and looked helplessly at Konan who gestured for her to hug him back.

"How long do you think it'll take him to realize we're here too?" Kisame asked Itachi. "Give it a few minutes," Hattori Hanzo replied, "This is a very emotional moment for them. Well, apparently more Jiraiya than Sokushi, looks kind of anti-climactic for her. So Sasori, continue with your report. How is my dear baby brother doing?" "Quite well," Sasori's holographic projection replied, "He's taken over as Kazekage and was largely unscathed in the battle despite slaughtering most of Hidden Sand's council and their guards. He is definitely your brother sir."

Hattori smirked, "Of course he is. Anything else significant happen during the little war that I should know about?" Sasori shrugged, "Not really. We went, we saw, we conquered, got paid in full. Standard stuff." Hattori smiled, "Good."

Then they were interrupted by Jiraiya's shout of, "ITACHI UCHIHA!" He blew out a massive fire jutsu and Hattori calmly absorbed it with an outstretched hand as his Rinnegan glowed. "Sokushi," Hattori called, "Be a dear and hold your dad down so he doesn't torch anybody." Jiraiya suddenly found himself flat on the ground with Sokushi twisting his arm behind his back. Sokushi smiled, "Sorry dad, but these are my friends and I can't let you fry them." "You're friends with Itachi Uchiha?!" Jiraiya exclaimed.

"Why shouldn't she be?" Konan replied with a smile, "Her sensei helps me run the Akatsuki." Jiraiya froze in shock, "Run that by me again?"

==Meanwhile==

"That's great!" Naruto exclaimed as Squads 8 and 10 revealed that they and Squad 9 had made it to the finals. "What happened to you guys though?" Choji asked, "Did those Rain guys get you in the forest too? I hear they were like unstoppable and flattened like a dozen teams." Squad Seven exchanged confused glances, "We weren't in the exams," Sasuke said with a raised eyebrow. "We were in Hidden Sand fighting the Kazekage!" Naruto added.

"Ha! Yeah right!" Ino sniped. "It's true Ino," Sakura declared sharply, "We met the team Hidden Sand sent a day or two before the exams and wound up going back to Sand with them to help overthrow the Kazekage." "That's rather hard to believe since I sat right next to Naruto during the first exam," Haku pointed out.

Squad Seven was dumbfounded and then Sakura realized what had happened, "Sasuke, remember your guests?" Sasuke's head snapped up, "Damn. That actually makes sense." "What?" Kiba asked, "What makes sense?" "The Squad Seven in the exams with you were imposters," Sakura explained, "We actually just saw them earlier." "Yeah right!" Ino barked, "Just admit you got knocked out like everyone else!"

Akamaru whined and Kiba looked up at him, "You're right Akamaru, that does explain why Naruto smelled so different." Everyone looked at him, so he explained, "I could tell something was up as soon as we saw them, Naruto smelled a lot like fish, and he never smells like fish." Haku's eyebrows rose in surprise, "Did you say _fish?_ " Kiba nodded and Shino elaborated, "My bugs detected it as well. They thought he might've just eaten shark-fin soup."

Haku's jaw dropped, "So I was sitting right next to…" She suddenly started laughing, "Oh I wish Zabuza-sama could've seen his face during that test!" She had everybody's attention now so she explained, "The Squad Seven in the exams with us _were_ imposters, that's why our instructors told us to act like nothing was off about them. They've been staying right down the street from me and Zabuza-sama, and the one impersonating Naruto was an old friend of Zabuza-sama's. It's not surprising that we couldn't tell anything was wrong, all three of them are S-Ranked missing-nin. The one impersonating Sasuke must've been his older brother! No wonder they dropped out in the second round, if they had stayed for the finals someone might've found them out!"

Ino frowned sourly at them, "You can't seriously be buying this." "Actually Ino it's the truth," Asuma declared as he appeared behind them lighting a cigarette, "Now if Haku would please stop just shouting out classified information for all the world to hear, that would be lovely. I've got a silence barrier up, but people can still read lips you know." Haku blushed, slightly abashed, "Sorry Asuma-sensei." Ino was looking back and forth from Asuma to Squad Seven, especially Sakura who was grinning smugly now, "That can't be true! You three took on a Kage?! It's gotta be some kind of joke!"

"If you doubt us so much Ino," Sasuke said with a smug smile, "Why don't you try fighting one of us?" Ino gaped at him for a few seconds and then, "Fine! You and me Billboard Brow! Training Field 10, right now! And when I win I want the truth!" Sakura sighed, "We're _telling_ you the truth Ino-pig, but fine, when _I_ win, I want you to dye your hair pink and wear a curly little pig tail for a week." Ino's expression changed from flustered and angry to livid, "YOU'RE ON! BUT IF I WIN I GET TO WRITE 'THIS SPACE FOR RENT' ON YOUR FOREHEAD IN PERMANENT MARKER!"

Sakura sighed and shook her head with a slight smile.

==Five Minutes Later, Training Ground Ten==

Asuma was taking bets, and to Ino's fury Shikamaru and Choji had bet against her alongside Naruto, Sasuke and Squad 8. Ino's blood was boiling as Asuma raised his hand from between them, "BEGIN!" Ino tried to rush Sakura and was immediately aware of something around her waist holding her back. Then her forearms were suddenly glowing blue and yanked behind her back. Ino tried to release the genjutsu she was certain she was under, but Sakura just smiled, "Sorry Ino, but I'm not a liar."

Ino was suddenly yanked from the ground and dangled upside down in the air. Sakura stepped forward, a glowing hand raised, "I've taken control of your clothes Ino, you can't get away from me without stripping naked, and even then…" Sakura raised her other hand and half a dozen kunai flew out of her kunai holster and positioned themselves around Ino's head, "It won't end well for you. Now surrender before I start bouncing you like a ball."

Ino broke out in a cold horrified sweat and Sakura started counting down, "Three… _two…_ " "This has to be some kind of trick! You can't be this strong!" Ino protested and Sakura sighed, "One." Sakura made a sharp motion with her hand and Ino was suddenly flipped clear of the kunai and slammed face first into the ground like a rag doll. Sakura raised her hand and Ino's ponytail tie tightened and lifted her head off the ground by the hair, "So Ino, are you going to surrender or are we going to go for a little ride?" "Screw you…" Ino growled defiantly.

A moment later Sakura was floating alongside her about twenty feet in the air. " _Surrender Ino,_ " Sakura said coldly, "I don't want to drop you, but the longer we're up here the harder it will be to hold you up." Ino's heart hammered and she tried desperately to think of some way she might possibly be able to get out of it. Even if she had her hands free, the only jutsu she knew was her Mind Body Switch, and if she did that then her body would still fall, and she had no idea how Sakura was keeping the two of them up there. In short, she realized after a moment, she was totally powerless.

"Fine," she whispered as tears welled in her eyes, "you win." Sakura floated back down to the ground and gently brought Ino down before letting her go. Ino's fists clenched and the tears started flowing, "How?" Sakura shrugged, "Good teacher." Ino's face contorted with rage and when her eyes rose to meet Sakura's they were full of hate, "Not that! How could you…how could you make me feel so helpless and weak?! I thought you were my friend!"

Sakura flinched back from the harsh recrimination, "I wasn't really going to make you dye your hair!" "That's not the point!" Ino shrieked. Sakura flinched again and suddenly Sasuke said, "Of course it's not. Your pride is hurt." Ino shot him a furious watery glare, "What do you know? You're Mr. _Perfect_ ," she spat, "What do you know about feeling helpless?!"

Sasuke's face twitched and Sakura and Naruto immediately took a step away from him to get out of his way. "What do I know about feeling helpless?" Sasuke asked coldly, his tone so icy that Ino actually heard the warning through her frustration and took a step back. "Perhaps I should be asking you that," Sasuke continued, "You lost a fight just now. I was forced to watch my brother murder my entire clan right in front of me, completely powerless to do anything about it. You tell me Ino, which of those two sounds worse? Losing a spar and bet to your best friend, or losing your entire family to the person you trusted most in the world?"

Ino flinched like Sasuke had punched her and Sasuke continued, "If Sakura meant to hurt you, you would be dead. If Sakura's strength upsets you, grow stronger. Learn more jutsu and learn to read your opponents skill level better so that you know which fights not to pick. We have trained relentlessly to get stronger. Was our fight with the Kazekage difficult? Yes. Would we have lost without help? Definitely. Do we let that stop us? Do you see us breaking down in tears because he could've destroyed us on a whim? No. We are shinobi, we put our lives on the line for our villages. Facing down death and insurmountable odds is what we do when it must be done. You feel upset now because Sakura held your life in her hands for a moment, but Sakura cares about you and you know it. Imagine if it had been someone else, someone who didn't care about you. You would've been dead or worse. Don't break down and cry about losing to Sakura, _do something about it and get stronger._ "

Everyone was looking at Sasuke in surprise and there was a stunned silence then Choji said, "Wow Sasuke, I never took you for the motivational speaker type." Sasuke shoved his hands in his pockets with a "Hn." There was silence for a few moments and then Ino rose slowly to her feet, her eyes down and an angry look on her face. When she raised her eyes there was a hard light in them that had never been there before, "You're right Sasuke." Then her eyes blazed with passion and she struck a dramatic pose to point at Sakura, "SO DON'T YOU THINK FOR AN INSTANT THAT I WON'T CATCH UP TO YOU BILLBOARD BROW! YOU'RE STILL MY RIVAL AND I WON'T LET YOU LEAVE ME IN THE DUST!"

Everyone stared at her in shock for a moment and then Sakura settled back into a confident grin, mirroring the way Ino had grinned at her whenever she had lost their spars in the academy, "Whenever you're ready for a rematch Ino-pig, bring it on. I'll be ready and waiting." "You better be!" Ino barked, then she took off, grabbing Shikamaru, Choji and Asuma and dragging them away, "COME ON YOU THREE! WE'RE TRAINING TIL WE DROP! I CAN'T BE IN THE CHUNIN FINALS LIKE THIS!"

Once they were gone Sakura breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you Sasuke, it's awful when Ino gets like that." Sasuke shrugged with a noncommittal, "Hn." But Sakura saw the faint smile tugging at his lips.

 **AN:** _Yep, Sasuke now knows the truth behind the Uchiha Massacre, and yes, Itachi did use genjutsu to alter Sasuke's memories to make it easier for Sasuke to hate him. This was intended to help Sasuke cope by giving him something to focus his anger on and something to overcome so that he wouldn't just collapse into depression._

 _Yes Hattori Hanzo, Mimasu's half-brother through their mother Tsunade, the grandson of Hanzo of the Salamander, is the head of the Akatsuki. Konan is officially a missing-nin so that she can act without repercussions for Hidden Rain, but Hattori is the real head honcho. There will be more explanation on how this came to be in the next chapter._

 _Yes, Tayuya, Jirobo and Kidomaru are now Leaf Nin under the direction of Anko. They are living in the Uchiha District, and Tayuya will be living with Sasuke until other arrangements can be made._

 _Yes, Ino now has a fire lit under her butt and will be working her tail off to catch up to Sakura now that she's realized she's behind._

 _No, Sakura wouldn't really have dropped Ino, but she and the rest of Squad Seven have been learning the fine art of bluffing and threats from Kakashi who is a renowned master of messing with people._

 _Why yes, things DO move fast in this story don't they?_


	14. Chapter 14: Fallen Rain

Chapter 14 – Fallen Rain

==Meanwhile==

"This is…really not how I envisioned our first meeting Sokushi," Jiraiya declared from where he was hanging upside down in the Rain nin's suite. Sokushi smiled slightly at him from the couch, "How _did_ you envision it going? You've never been there for me, apparently you literally _just_ found out I'm alive, so really all I know to say to you is use some freaking protection. I don't hate you like a lot of the orphans in Rain hate their parents for letting them rot in the gloomiest place on Earth, why don't you count yourself lucky I'm not vindictive like my sensei?"

Said vindictive sensei threw another punch into his new punching bag. Jiraiya swung ninety degrees and his head bounced off the ceiling, "Ow!" Jiraiya groaned. "He's actually being a lot nicer about this than I thought he'd be," Sokushi added, "When we figured out I was your daughter we had to physically hold him, _and_ grandfather, _and_ great-grandfather down to keep them from coming and beating you to death for not being there for me." "If we hadn't promised not to then in the interest of giving you a chance to make it up to her," Hattori declared as he picked out another soft place, "I would definitely be doing it right now. Itachi, gimme a number." "Seven," Itachi declared.

Hattori broke Jiraiya's seventh rib on both sides and stepped back to line up a casual kick, "However she _did_ make me promise, so now I'm going to settle for beating you within an inch of your life for making my adoptive daughter spend the first _six years_ of her life on the street in one of the toughest cities in the world." He looked at the clock, "And you've still got another five and a half hours to go, and I've only got another half hour of wanting to hit you left before we get to the REALLY fun stuff, so don't go blacking out yet."

"You should really be happy that Rain is on good terms with Leaf, or I'd make you suffer through every second of _twelve_ years of the worst hell Hidden Rain could muster," Hattori added as he shot a sidekick into Jiraiya's solar plexus. "Thank you for letting Hattori get his anger out Sensei," Konan smiled from the kitchenette, "He's been antsy ever since he got here."

Jiraiya coughed, "So Konan, while I'm here paying for my mistakes, why are you here, running the Akatsuki, and what happened to Nagato and Yahiko?" Jiraiya knew he had made a mistake when Konan's expression turned thunderous and the glass of sake in her hand exploded from the sudden increase in pressure. "Bad move Dad," Sokushi told him. "and that's another ten hours on the clock," Hattori smiled viciously. "Not with you Hattori," Konan said darkly, "With _ME._ " Jiraiya got very pale, the last time a woman had used that tone of voice with him, it had been Tsunade about to break over half the bones in his body.

"Hey guys we're ba- aaand you found Jiraiya," a very short boy in a wide rice hat that made him look like a walking mushroom said as he walked in with a large muscular boy whose hair stood straight up, both carrying bags of food. He walked over to the kitchenette and hopped on top of a mushroom that grew out of nowhere for him to use as a stool as he put his bag on the counter, "Hi Konan sensei."

Konan's deadly expression faded immediately as she grabbed him off his mushroom stool in a hug with a smile as she smashed his face into her cleavage, "Teibo!" "Did you have fun snake hunting Sensei?" Wakai asked as he set his bags down. "I finally got to try out that death by a million paper cuts thing you came up with," Konan replied with a smile, "Next time I'm not using my whole body to execute it. It has really good potential as a torture technique though. Orochimaru was in so much pain he could barely walk!"

"Wow Dad," Sokushi mused, "You screwed up even worse than I thought. Anyone want to take bets on where she hits him with that first?" "Five yen on his nuts!" Kisame grinned. "Fifteen on his shaft," Itachi added. "Ten on those absurdly sensitive places on the back that only Konan knows how to find," Hattori quipped as he threw a punch into Jiraiya's hip followed by an elbow to the crotch. "Twenty on the soles of his feet," Wakai called as he rummaged in the fridge for a drink.

Teibo said something that was muffled by Konan's bosom. Konan loosened her hug slightly, "Say again?" "Don't care still enjoying hug," Teibo replied with a smile. Konan smiled, "Still hot for teacher Teibo?" "Who wouldn't be with you as their teacher Sensei?" "AW!" Konan laughed as she pulled him back into her hug. "Teibo quit hitting on Sensei," Sokushi called as she finished writing down the bets. "Is Teibo one of mine too?" Jiraiya asked dryly. Everyone froze and then Konan pulled Teibo out of her cleavage and looked at him in shock, the resemblance now painfully obvious.

Jiraiya paled as a kunai slid out of Hattori's sleeve, "and that's _another_ ten." "Now _I_ want in on this," Kisame declared as he cracked his knuckles with a murderous glare. "Castration is _technically_ not killing," Itachi added as his Sharingan whirled to life. Jiraiya decided that it would be best for him to keep his mouth shut for the next twenty-five and a half hours and Sokushi glared at him, "And now _I'm_ angry too."

==Five and a Half Hours Later==

Jiraiya sweated slightly as he sat tied to the chair in the very dark bedroom the Rain-nin had put him into. Hattori had been revealed to be an extremely talented med-nin over the last five and a half hours as he healed Jiraiya's injuries repeatedly just so he could repeat them, and upon questioning had revealed himself to be Tsunade's eldest son, by the son of Hanzo of the Salamander. Jiraiya had been aware through the pain that Konan had left at some point with Sokushi and returned only half an hour ago, carrying several bags which Jiraiya had recognized with great apprehension as being from some of Hidden Leaf's more risqué stores. He would've complained despite the hypocrisy of it if he'd been able to talk at the time.

Now he was tied to a chair very securely in a very dark room, waiting for what the Rain-nin and Akatsuki had promised to be ten hours of straight hell at the hands of his former student. That wasn't what concerned him though. No, what deeply, _deeply_ concerned him was the fact that he was naked and sitting on a chair with most of the seat missing. If anyone tipped the chair over they would have immediate access to one of the last places Jiraiya would ever want a torturer targeting.

Suddenly Konan ghosted up behind him, "So Sensei…you finally want to know whatever became of those three kids you trained and then left to fend for themselves?" "I had heard you were all dead," Jiraiya said quietly, "That's the only reason I never came back to Hidden Rain."

He felt Konan's fingers run over his shoulders and wrap around his throat, "And you think that's an excuse?" Her thumbs suddenly jabbed quite sharply into the pressure points just in front of the underside of the corners of Jiraiya's jaw, leaving a sensation like twin lightning bolts running through his head. Jiraiya's pulse involuntarily sped up despite his attempts to keep it level as Konan's hands slid back to his shoulders.

"Since you asked Sensei," Jiraiya couldn't help but notice the venom in her voice, "I'm going to tell you _exactly_ what happened, and then I'm going to make you suffer for it. Yes I whole-heartedly blame you. If you hadn't taught us, maybe we would've been casual civilians, maybe we would've died, maybe we would've gone through Rain's _official_ shinobi program and not had the problems we did. If you had just bonked Yahiko over the head like _this_ …" She suddenly punched him in the base of the skull so hard Jiraiya wondered if she was related to Tsunade, "and made us come back to Leaf with you, they would probably both still be alive."

"I'm sorry Konan," Jiraiya said quietly, "I never wanted anything but to help you. If I had known you needed me I would've come running back as fast as my feet could carry me. Please, if you never believe anything else I say, believe that." Konan's eyes softened even though Jiraiya couldn't see that, "I do believe you Sensei." Then her fingernails dug into twin pressure points behind his collarbone causing him to yelp as she leaned in close again from behind, "But you're not off the hook. Would you like to know why?"

Jiraiya carefully nodded and Konan yelled, "BECAUSE SOKUSHI AND TEIBO ARE MY ADOPTIVE CHILDREN AND YOU WERE NEVER **EVER** THERE FOR THEM AND THEIR LIVES WERE HELL UNTIL I FOUND THEM SO YOU'RE GOING TO REGRET EVERY MINUTE OF UNHAPPINESS AND NEGLECT THEY'VE SUFFERED BECAUSE YOU COULD NEVER BE BOTHERED TO WEAR A CONDOM OR CALL A GIRL BACK!" Every second or third word was accentuated with a furious smack in the head.

Jiraiya hung his head in shame as Konan calmed herself down, "I'm still going to punish you for what happened to Yahiko and Nagato because you weren't there for us, but justice for your neglect of Sokushi and Teibo takes priority and I'll be spending much more time punishing you for that than what happened to Yahiko and Nagato, since a lot of that was as much their fault as yours." "What happened to them Konan?" Jiraiya asked. Konan sighed, "I should torture you and make you beg for that information, but I think I'll test your luck. Heads or tails?"

"Tails," Jiraiya said after a moment. There was a sound of a coin hitting the floor, and Konan said with a sadistic smile in her voice, "Oh what a pity, it's too dark and I can't see. Well I guess you're just not very lucky today eh Sensei?" Jiraiya groaned. Then Konan's hands lit on both sides of his head, "Moon Demon Mind Warp!" There was a flash and suddenly Jiraiya was hundreds of miles and ten years away.

==Meanwhile==

Kakashi smiled at his team, "Ok Team, now that we've firmly established that you can summarily _stomp_ at least one team in the Chunin Exam Finals, I think it's time for…" his smile widened, "More training!" Sasuke, Sakura and Naruto gave him a round of unimpressed blinks. Kakashi chuckled, "Don't worry, I mean fun training. After all, we _did_ just get paid for a C-Rank, and an S-Rank on top of it," he added almost as an afterthought. He chuckled as that sank in and then Squad 7 chorused in unison, "AN S-RANK?!"

Kakashi laughed, "What? You thought spearheading a successful revolution in one of the five major Hidden Villages was just some rinky-dink little thing? Even with four S-Rank combatants backing you up, that's still something that normally wouldn't have anything less than experienced Jonin on it. So," he pulled three envelopes from a pocket of his flak-jacket, "Paychecks anyone?"

He handed them out and laughed again as they took in the tremendous amount. They hadn't gotten paid for the multitude of shinobi taken down as they worked their way through Sand or the ones captured by Naruto's mob, but they had gotten a quarter of the Kazekage's 100 million ryo bounty to split between the four of them and Jiraiya. Even pared down so much, it was about eight months' worth of average D-Ranks, which was all most genin that didn't make Chunin by the end of their six years with a Jonin Instructor got. Even for Kakashi, who had routinely taken B and A-Rank missions before becoming a Jonin Instructor, five million ryo a piece was nothing to sneeze at, and there was an additional thirty thousand a piece on top of that from the C-Rank bandit chasing they had been wrapping up when they met the Sand team.

"Needless to say," Kakashi smiled at his stunned team, "We won't need to take another mission for at least a few weeks, so I'd say it's time for some leisurely training wouldn't you?" They all looked at him with politely skeptical expressions so he elaborated, "I was thinking some etiquette, fine dining, dancing, and other high society stuff, as well as disguise work so that you three can blend right in when you go on assassination missions in the future. I assume now that you've seen what the paychecks for those can look like you're quite interested in them yes?"

The grins were all the reply he needed, "Good! Then let's go find you three some formal attire."

==The Next Day==

Hinata stumbled as she bounced off of someone, "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't mean to, I just wasn't looking where I was going!" Her eyes quickly took in the Waterfall insignia on the white haired boy's headband as he looked her over appraisingly. Then he smiled, "Not to worry my dear Ms. Hyuga, it was my fault I'm sure. I am very clumsy." He extended a hand, "May I buy you lunch as an apology for my carelessness?"

Hinata blinked in surprise and then blushed, "Um, s-sure…I ah…I guess we could do that…" Just then the boy's gaze flickered over Hinata's shoulder and his eyes bugged out, "Fuuuu! How many bowls have you had?!" Hinata looked behind her and saw a girl with mint green hair and orange eyes walking up, a bowl of ramen in her hand. Fuu shrugged, "I dunno," she mumbled around a mouthful of noodles. "Twenty seven, and she's still going strong," answered a girl in revealing dark red attire with long curly white hair. Both were wearing Waterfall insignias.

The boy looked horrified, "That's got to be some sort of record…" "Um, actually," Hinata said shyly, "Naruto holds the record for most ramen eaten in one go. 30 bowls, but he set that record years ago on a bet. I'm sure he could eat more now." The white haired boy and the girl looked at her in horror and then Fuu slurped up the last of her noodles and a competitive grin settled over her face, "Where is he?" Hinata started to wonder if she might've just made a terrible mistake.

==Half an Hour Later==

Squads Seven and Eight flinched in unison as Fuu appeared next to their table a finger pointing directly at Naruto, " _Naruto Uzumaki I challenge you to a ramen eating contest!_ " That took a moment to register with them and then they and everyone in the restaurant who had heard the challenge all yelled in unison, "WHAAAAAAAAAT?!"

Then Naruto sprang to his feet with a confident grin on his face, "I accept your challenge! Meet me at Ichiraku Ramen tomorrow at noon!" A dozen Akimichis including Choji suddenly appeared as though summoned by jutsu, "WE'RE IN!" Everyone stared at them and the white haired boy looked ready to pull his hair out, "Who invited you guys?!"

"We're Akimichi," Choji declared, "We can't let any challenge to an eating contest go unanswered! Especially in our hometown!" He took a dramatic pose and tears poured, "To my eternal shame I was defeated by Naruto seven years ago, but tomorrow I shall avenge my defeat!" he yelled as he thrust his fist into the air. Kisame burst in in disguise alongside Jirobo (formerly of the Sound 4) and they yelled in unison, "I ACCEPT WHATEVER CHALLENGE TO AN EATING CONTEST WAS JUST ISSUED!"

"It's settled then!" Fuu declared with a grin, "Tomorrow we decide the World Champion of Ramen Eating!"

==Meanwhile==

Tsunade froze and her head snapped up as a shiver ran down her spine. Shizune looked at her sensei with a growing sense of horror, "Oh no…" Tsunade slammed a few bills down onto the bar with such force it collapsed and sprang to her feet, "SOMEONE HAS CHALLENGED MY TITLE!" She took off at speeds she hadn't moved at in years, Shizune running along behind her carrying Tonton and sobbing, "NOOOO-O-O! NOT THE RAMEEEN! NOT AGAIN!"

 **AN:** _Yes, the Ramen thing is an Uzumaki thing, meaning Tsunade's got it too since she's ¼ Uzumaki through her grandma Mito. All Jinchuriki have tremendous appetites (yes even Gaara). Naruto is an Uzumaki Jinchuriki, so of course, he can eat a swimming pool of ramen no problem._

 _For those wondering about just how much a year's worth of D-Ranks is, I looked it up. D-Rank missions can be anywhere from 5,000 to 50,000 ryo, meaning the average is probably somewhere around 27500 ryo (there's a lot of ways this could be wrong but as I don't have a full data table I can only give you the median and hope the average is close, if anyone's got an actual data table for this stuff feel free to share). Ryo are based off the currency that preceded the Yen, so I used the conversion rate for Yen to find out how much that is. The answer? If you work one D-Rank mission every day, Monday through Friday for a year and never take a day off, it's 7150000 ryo, or a little over $70,000. Using that conversion rate, every member of Squad 7 just got a paycheck for $49294 for their work in the Suna rebellion, and that's only because it was an officially unsanctioned run and they weren't the ones that killed the Kazekage. Under normal circumstances, the pay for that job would've been equal to the bounty of every shinobi they could prove they killed or captured plus a cut of all bounties claimed in the rebellion proportional to their involvement in the deaths of the shinobi those bounties were on. Given how many people Naruto personally ran down, beat and captured, and the fact that Squad 7 surely took out at least a few shinobi on their way to where the Kazekage was hiding, I feel safe saying they would've gotten significantly more. Of course, even if they had just managed to kill the Kazekage themselves, his 100 million ryo bounty (the lowest of any Kage at the time, yes that's me making up an arbitrary number and not canon in any way) would've been split between just the four of them, resulting in each of them getting five times as much. (Please note, this means that with Kakashi's canon record of_ _197 D-rank, 190 C-rank, 414 B-rank, 298 A-rank, 42 S-rank, he has earned probably somewhere upwards of 302,567,500 ryo ($2,965,161.50) over the course of his shinobi career at the time those numbers were released.) No wonder everybody wants to be a ninja, the pay is freaking awesome!_

 _All etiquette, clothing styles and other such things are purely fiction, made up stuff. The author accepts no responsibility whatsoever for the social mistakes of those who attempt to use Squad 7's upcoming infiltrations training as a guide to polite society._

 _It has come to my attention that perhaps I have not described some of my OC's as thoroughly as I should have, so as a lot of them have come up in this chapter, I will do so now. All future OC's will have descriptions in the Author Notes of their chapters. In order of introduction they are…_

 _ **Ken Kahiya**_ _(Tenten's father): Height 5ft 10in. He has short brown hair, is very muscular and has a stern but kind face._

 _ **Mimasu Subete:**_ _Height 5ft 10in. He has slightly wavy blonde hair down to his shoulders, yellow eyes and hawkish features that lend him a very sharp appearance and an unsettling gaze, he is lean bodied and tends to wear a long dark green almost black coat with a high collar over his kimono/robes/gi/whatever. He uses a katana, is ambidextrous, and has a knack for appearing seemingly out of nowhere._

 _ **Masashi Subete:**_ _Height 6ft 3in. He had a wide face with beady eyes and a bulky frame with black hair._

 _ **Eiichiro Subete:**_ _Height 6ft. He has a handsome cheerful face with black hair, warm eyes and a muscular build with a slight potbelly that he is constantly trying to keep from developing any further._

 _ **Hiro Subete:**_ _Height 5ft 8in. The warmest and friendliest of the Lord of Wind's sons, Hiro's appearance reflects his jolly nature. He has black hair, a smile as big as Naruto's and he can only really be described as generally very happy looking._

 _ **Sokushi Misutsuyu:**_ _Height 5ft 4in. She has long white hair which has a little bit more curl to it than Jiraiya's spikes, but is every bit as unruly, so she keeps it tied back in a ponytail. She has warm green eyes and is shockingly pretty. She tends to wear a gray kimono/gi with dark red trim and tied with a red sash that contains sealed ninja gear. She wears her red hitai-ate on her forehead under her bangs. She also generally has a dark red umbrella with her which she uses as a weapon._

 _ **Hattori Hanzo:**_ _Height 6ft 2in. He has a strong jaw, a very sturdy and muscular physique, and looks strong enough to crush granite with his bare hands, which he is. He has spiky blonde hair and the Rinnegan. He generally wears a black hooded cloak around his shoulders, along with a plain metal breastplate and shoulder guards. His armored gauntlets have five dark blue panels in the top which conceal a multitude of small and varied bombs and other sealed weapons. He wears a black jumpsuit beneath his armor and has armored boots. He carries his sword_ _ **Mugen Kaiko**_ _in a sheath on his back._

 _ **Teibo Burekano:**_ _Height 3ft 2in. He has spiky brown hair and a constant playful look about him. He wears a blue overcoat and a wide rice hat that make him look like a very large walking mushroom. He is actually every bit as strong as someone twice his size as evidenced by his weapon of choice: a wooden mallet nearly as big as he is that he can swing around like it's nothing._

 _ **Wakai Sandara:**_ _Height 5ft 7in. He has black hair that stands straight on end, dark grey eyes, and wears attire very similar to his sensei Hattori's. He is very muscular._

 _ **Shiro Enryu**_ _: Height 5ft 8in. He has spiky white hair and wears a gray trenchcoat over his dark grey kimono/gi. He wears his hitae-ate on his forehead. He has gray eyes and is rather lean. Often smokes and is usually seen in the vicinity of his twin sister Shirahoshi._

 _ **Shirahoshi Enryu**_ _: Height 5ft 8in. She has long white wavy curls, blue eyes, and a very fit and well-endowed figure. She wears a blood red top with billowy off-the-shoulder sleeves, and tight matching red pants. Wears her hitae-ate like an arm band. She is noted by many to be quite beautiful. Often seen with her twin brother Shiro._


	15. Ch15: The World Champion of Ramen Eating

Chapter 15 – The World Champion of Ramen Eating

==Meanwhile==

Jiraiya sat in the chair in a state of shell shocked horror as the events Konan had forced him to live roiled like a raging sea in his head, hurting far worse than the wounds and torture the Rain-nin and Akatsuki had inflicted on him (which had in fact been truly hellish and something he was chalking up next to Orochimaru's defection on his list of "worst things to ever happen to me"), especially now that Hattori was healing him with medical jutsu.

The horrible first and final attempt at a coup flashed across his mind's eye, the original Akatsuki slaughtered at the hands of the two elder Hanzos and their salamanders while Hattori single handedly dismantled Nagato, Yahiko and Konan simultaneously, his advanced skill with his own Rinnegan stripping them of the only advantage they'd thought they had. The desperate retreat and the certainty in the aftermath that the Hanzos would find them still sloshed around like ice water in his gut.

The guilt his students had felt over leading their friends to their deaths ate at him like acid and the ensuing fight that resulted in Yahiko's death was burned into his mind as much as Konan's. Nagato's horror when he realized he had killed his best friend and his prompt suicide were fresh in his mind even ten hours after learning of it, along with the devastation and hopelessness Konan had felt as she struggled to think of any way to escape her situation alive before finally extracting Nagato's eyes and going to Hattori to bargain for her life.

Hattori could've killed her or worse, but he had actually comforted her and vouched for her. He had taken Nagato's eyes to keep them out of enemy hands, but he had been unbelievably generous to Konan, and convinced his father and grandfather to show the same mercy. Jiraiya's eyes flicked back over his shoulder at the son of the woman he loved; there was no doubt in his mind, Konan loved him even if they were in staunch denial, and she definitely owed him her life. So did Sokushi and Teibo, who he could easily have left the orphans he and Konan had found them as. Konan's probationary status at the time had made it impossible for her to legally adopt. So now there was only one thing to do.

"Thank you Hattori," Jiraiya said quietly, "Konan showed me everything that's happened. She and my children would be dead without you. There's nothing that can repay that debt, but I'll do whatever I can." Hattori's ringed eyes flicked up to meet his, and he was silent for a moment before turning his gaze back to his work, "I didn't do it for you, I did it for them. If you want to repay me, start being the father you should have been being all this time. Or perhaps you should take up the role of grandfather," he added with a slight smile, "I'm not sure I want to cede you the right to call yourself their father. That's my job."

Jiraiya's eyes widened slightly, then he nodded. He had known that already from Konan's memories, but it still stung a little to hear the fact voiced aloud.

They were silent for a few minutes and then Kisame came back in. Hattori looked up, "So, what had you rushing off in such a hurry?" Kisame smiled as he let his disguise drop, "Oh there's an eating contest tomorrow at Ichiraku Ramen. Itachi's little brother's teammate is throwing down with an entire clan of people as big as me, the little waterfall girl that challenged him, me and some random fat guy for the title of World Champion of Ramen Eating."

Jiraiya and Hattori froze. "They didn't." Hattori said in a horrified whisper. Kisame frowned, "What?" " _You challenged her title!_ " Jiraiya and Hattori exclaimed in horrified unison. "Do you have any idea what you've unleashed upon those poor ramen people?!" Jiraiya asked. Hattori sat back, his eye twitching in stunned horror, "Well…" he said with a scared little laugh, "I guess it's going to be a _full_ family reunion…ehehe…"

Kisame was starting to worry, "Whoa, who are you guys talking about?" "My mom," Hattori said in a small voice. "Tsunade of the Sannin," Jiraiya clarified. Kisame paled, "Oh…" "And she is _very_ defensive of her title," Jiraiya added. Kisame flinched, "I wonder if I wasn't a little hasty in accepting that challenge…" Itachi sipped some tea, "I told you it would come back to bite you one day." "Shut up teme," Kisame grumbled. Itachi just grinned smugly and Konan giggled at the look on Kisame's face. Jiraiya's head tilted slightly to the side as he felt the strangest sense of déjà vu.

==The Next Day==

From the atmosphere on the wide street outside Ichiraku's, one would've thought a massive fight was about to break out. Naruto and Kisame (in disguise) had arrived at the same time and were staring each other down when Jirobo erupted from the ground looking ready to rumble. Then Fuu dropped from the air, landing in a pose with her feet apart and one hand behind her as she punched the ground with the other one hard enough to leave a small crater with an excited and somewhat vicious grin on her face. The teammates of the competitors arrived swiftly behind them and stood at their shoulders (Itachi was in disguise like Kisame and accompanied by Hattori, Konan and the Rain team). Kakashi made epic showdown music behind his mask, "beow-wow-wow, (whistle), beow-wow-wow, (whistle)" and subtly made a little wind to blow dust around them. Konohamaru unleashed a tumbleweed from an alley that nobody was quite sure where or how he had gotten. Before anyone could say anything, the ground started shaking and a strange battle chant made its way down the street.

" **OMNOMNOMNOM! OMNOMNOMNOM!** " The Akimichi chanted as they made their way down the street in unison with the most fearsome expressions most had ever seen on the faces of the normally gentle giants. They didn't walk, they hopped in unison with their right shoulders forward and their left fists pulled back as though to deliver uppercuts. They finally stopped when they reached a good stand off distance from the other competitors and assumed wide, bent legged stances before roaring in unison, " _ **FOOOOOOOOD!**_ " Many of those watching couldn't decide if it was terrifying or hilarious, but all could agree that the Akimichi meant business.

Then Tayuya smacked Jirobo's shoulder and pointed at the Akimichis in shock, "Fatso! I think we found your family!" Before anyone could say anything a green and gold blur flashed over the top of a nearby building, leaping high into the air before plummeting back to the street. Tsunade landed with a stomp that had the impact of a small earthquake. Tsunade drew herself up with an imperious air, "WHO DARES CHALLENGE THE WORLD CHAMPION OF RAMEN EATING, **TSUNADE SENJU?!** "

Hattori diffused her terrifying aura with a smirk, wave and "Hi Mom!" Tsunade deflated slightly and looked over at him and the others, "Hi kids. Please tell me none of you were in on this." Hattori, Konan and Itachi pointed at Kisame with mischievous grins. Tsunade strode right up to a rapidly paling Kisame, making him feel small even though he towered over her as she stuck a finger in his face, "YOU'RE GOIN DOWN SUSHI BOY!" To the amazement of all who knew him, Kisame bowed his head and said in a very small polite voice with depression lines over his head, "Yes ma'am."

Before anyone could say anything or laugh at him, the Third Hokage appeared atop Ichiraku's along with Teuchi Ichiraku. Teuchi banged a ladle on a pot like a gong and everybody listened up. Lord Third spoke in his village-addressing voice, "Today we are gathered here for the Second Ever Konoha International Ramen Eating Contest! The rules are as follows! No jutsu! No poisoning or spiking your competitors' dishes! That is all! Courtesy of Ichiraku Ramen, a free drink and one free bowl of ramen will be provided for all spectators! Please form two lines, competitors see Mr. Teuchi Ichiraku, and spectators see Ms. Ayame Ichiraku! Without further ado, let the contest, BEGIN!"

The competitors stampeded toward Teuchi and Tsunade was shocked to see Naruto in front of her in line, the only person to pull that off. The spectators formed their own line, Team Ten at the front since they had been the closest. Tayuya was between Kidomaru and Shikamaru as she accepted her drink, bowl of ramen and chopsticks, "I don't see what the big deal is," She declared as she broke her chopsticks. "Itakidimasu. It's just noodles and…" She would normally have kept talking with her mouth full, but as soon as the first bite entered her mouth, she froze with wide eyes. Kidomaru stared at her, slightly worried, shutting Tayuya up was one hell of a trick. He gently poked her with one of his many many fingers, "Eh, Tayuya?"

Tayuya suddenly returned to motion in a blur, downed her entire bowl in seconds and looked at it with a look in her eyes that scared Kidomaru, as well as Shikamaru who had turned around to look. Tayuya suddenly Body Flickered, grabbed Kisame out of line from where he was about to accept his first bowl and bodily hurled him into Kidomaru and Shikamaru, knocking them both over like bowling pins, "OUTTA THE WAY FISHFACE!"

She spun and accepted the bowl meant for Kisame, stacking it into the bowl she had just finished before heading to the seat he would've occupied where she could see several bowls waiting. Everyone stared. Kidomaru and Shikamaru muttered "troublesome" in unison from where they were pinned under Kisame and then stared at each other. Kisame raised up slightly to look at Hattori who had been behind Kidomaru and only narrowly avoided getting tagged by Kisame, "Hey Hattori, I think that girl's related to your mom…"

"I think you may be right," Hattori said in shock as Tayuya placed her now fourth bowl into the stack before diving into her fifth one. Tsunade and Naruto were just polishing off their fourth bowls as well. The other contestants were still in line for the most part.

"Oh my we have a surprise dark horse entry folks!" Kakashi exclaimed, "In the lead we currently have a three way tie between reigning champion Tsunade Senju, one of the favorites to win at least runner up my student Naruto Uzumaki, and our new surprise contestant Tayuyaaa-I don't know your last name." "F*** off Cyclops I'm eating," Tayuya mumbled around a mouth full of ramen. Tsunade almost blasted noodles out of her nose laughing before regaining control of herself and pausing to say, "Ok, we need a DNA test on this one. She has _got_ to be an Uzumaki."

As Tsunade returned to eating and Naruto registered what she had said, his head snapped up and he looked around. Then his eyes lit on Tayuya and were immediately replaced by hearts as he realized she loved ramen as much as he did. "Ah crap," Itachi declared from his seat next to Sasuke, "I think Naruto's making eyes at your girlfriend Ducky." Everyone who heard him and knew of Sasuke's nickname snorted and tried to cover their laughter. Sasuke blushed crimson and growled, "She is _not._ _My. Girlfriend!_ " Itachi just sniggered.

Hattori did a doubletake as Mimasu suddenly slid in next to him on the bench, casually elbowing him and Kisame over before flipping his Kazekage hat over onto his back, "So _this_ is what made my Jinchuriki take off as fast as he could without a word of explanation. I should've known." Hattori gave him a puzzled look and then counted on his fingers before paling slightly, "You don't think…" "The Jinchuriki from all over the region might converge on this restaurant for this contest to try and one up each other?" Mimasu finished, "Oh yeah. I wouldn't bet on it, but I hope the two from Hidden Stone show up, Kuro-chan might chase them down here if they do."

"Who's Kuro-chan?" Temari asked as she hopped off her fan and Kankuro skidded up on the back of one of his puppets. "Kurotsuchi Kamizuru," Mimasu clarified, "the Tsuchikage's granddaughter and one of Hidden Stone's up and coming Jonin. She's a little bit older than you, Earth, Fire, Lava and Water release, very clever and skilled kunoichi. You two would get along swimmingly I expect. I've done a lot of work with Hidden Stone in the past and Kurotsuchi is my usual contact." "Ah," Temari said with an odd tone to her voice which Mimasu couldn't place, "Well, that's nice. I'm going to go get some ramen if that's alright with you Lord Kazekage." "Of course Temari-hime," Mimasu replied with a smile.

Konan and Hattori watched her go and then looked at Mimasu. Mimasu blinked at them, "What?" Hattori elbowed him with a grin, "Sooo…you and, Temari was it? Oooooh Kuro-chan's gonna be so maaad!" Mimasu's mouth tightened slightly and he actually somehow managed not to blush as Hattori and Konan sniggered at him, "I haven't a clue what you're on about brother, but now that I've said hello, oh by the way hi Konan, good to see you again," Konan waved with a smile as Mimasu rose, "I'm going to go pay my respects to the Hokage and introduce myself. You two lovebirds have fun now." Hattori and Konan both immediately blushed crimson and began stammering protests as Mimasu strode off smirking.

Itachi nudged Sasuke with a grin before poking Konan and making a little "tsssss" sound, "BuuuURN!" Konan backhanded him off the bench as her blush intensified, " _Quiet_." Sasuke suddenly leaned forward as he realized who was there, "Wait a minute, _Lord Kazekage?_ Then that means," he directed his gaze to the competitors' line and a grin broke over his face as he nudged Sakura and pointed, "Hey Sakura, look who's here!"

Sakura's eyes lit on Gaara and she immediately started looking around until she spotted, "Kankuro! Temari! Gaara!" Gaara smiled faintly and waved as he made his way to his seat next to Fuu. Shukaku grinned and waved his paws and tail, "WASSUP KONOHA?!" "Hey Gaara!" Naruto said as he grinned around a huge mouthful of ramen, "I didn't know you were coming too!" "Shukaku insisted," Gaara replied, "Apparently, he "sensed a disturbance in the force"." Shukaku made the air quotes for him so that Gaara wouldn't have to put the bowl down. "Hoppa-grass and Nine-tails in the same place throwin' down for an eatin' contest? You know I had to show!" Shukaku declared with a massive grin.

Fuu looked over at Gaara and Shukaku, "Chomei says hi." Then she turned over to look around Tayuya at Naruto with a smile, "I didn't realize you were a Jinchuriki too!" Naruto grinned back, "Me either! I can't believe I've met two like me in a week!" "It surprised me as well," Gaara added, "I had never met another Jinchuriki before Naruto." "We really need to hang out after this," Fuu declared.

Tsunade reached forward and tapped Naruto on the head, "You're a Jinchuriki? Of the Nine Tailed Fox?" Naruto looked over his shoulder and declared around a mouthful of noodles, "Yeah, why?" Tsunade paled slightly, "You're not Kushina's son by any chance are you?" "Yeah, how'd you know?" Tsunade became pale as a sheet and dove into her ramen with renewed vigor.

 _ **Kushina was the only person to ever match Tsunade's record,**_ Kurama chuckled in Naruto's head, _**she never one upped Tsunade, but you being her son is enough to make Tsunade worry for her title.**_ Kushina's voice popped into Naruto's head, _Now hurry up and get back to eating! I want my boy to be the one who finally beats my blowhard old aunty!_ Naruto smiled and redoubled his efforts, _You got it Mom._ Then he asked aloud, "Speaking of, what is the record for ramen eating?"

"I won the last competition at 58, which has held as the record ever since." Tsunade declared around a mouthful of noodles, "That's the jutsu free record, mind you. When jutsu are allowed, no human on record has ever beaten the Akimichi Clan because of their super expansion jutsu. My grandfather the First Hokage equaled the Akimichi Clan head at the time of the Leaf Village's founding using his Wood Clones, and Madara Uchiha was able to match them both by firing off jutsu rapid fire so that he was constantly making room for more by burning through what he ate at a highly accelerated rate. According to legend though, the ultimate all-time eating record is held by the great slumbering mountain ogre Snorl. He could supposedly devour entire forests and wash them down with entire lakes between his century long naps."

Tayuya raised an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder at Tsunade as she was between bowls for a brief moment, "Lady, why do you know this stuff?" Then she scooped up her fresh bowl and started eating quickly. Tsunade shrugged and accepted her own fresh bowl, "It's standard Uzumaki upbringing to know the great history of ramen. I'd have been an embarrassment to my granny Mito if I didn't know these things. I can give you a lecture on it that'll last all night after we're done here if you'd like. Actually, no. You know what? Hang on."

Tayuya blinked in mild consternation as Tsunade fished something out of her coat with one hand and then set it on the table between her and Tayuya next to her bowl. Tsunade poked the little scrap of paper and it suddenly unfolded into a very large chart. Before Tayuya could ask what it was, Tsunade's hand snapped out and grazed her shoulder. Tayuya didn't even realize she had been cut until she noticed the blood on the kunai that had appeared in Tsunade's hand. Tayuya's hand flew to her shoulder as she started to protest and then she did a double take as she realized there was no trace of a cut.

"Standard blood sampling jutsu, little trick I might teach you one day if you happen to catch me in the right mood," Tsunade declared as she drained her bowl of broth and set it aside before flashing through a set of hand signs as a fresh bowl was brought. She lifted her chopsticks and began eating again with one hand as she flipped the suddenly glowing kunai with Tayuya's blood on it, caught it by the tip of the blade and tossed it spinning into the air. Tayuya and Tsunade watched it fly up towards the ceiling and then spin back down to thud into the chart before the blood flowed off it.

Tsunade plucked the now ordinary again kunai from the chart and it disappeared back up her sleeve as she picked up the chart and examined it, "Mmhmm, thought so, you're definitely an Uzumaki. Looks like you're myyy..." Tsunade blinked, "Second cousin twice removed? I knew we had to be related but that's surprisingly close." "How close?" Tayuya asked in slight confusion.

"You're my great aunt's great-great granddaughter," Tsunade clarified, "and that makes you Naruto here's fourth cousin. Just call me Aunty Tsunade, it's what Kushina did. That goes for you too Naruto. What are you two doing?" she almost growled as Hattori and Mimasu appeared and each poked their head over one of her shoulders to look at the family tree chart. They looked at the chart for a moment, their gazes flickered up in unison to meet Tayuya's, back to the chart, back to Tayuya, then they straightened up and met each others' gazes. They nodded and said in uncanny unison with disturbingly Naruto-like grins, "Forget "Aunty", welcome to the family! You can call her mom if you want! We always wanted a little sister!"

Tsunade stared at the chart blankly for a second as she processed what they had just said and then she reached up, caught them by the front of their clothes and slammed their faces into the table, "That's my decision not yours!" Then she adjusted her grip and threw them both across the room back to their seats. Hattori caught himself with his Rinnegan's gravity powers and Mimasu with a wind burst. Tsunade crossed her arms with a huff, "Damn brats, making decisions without consulting me." Then she sighed and looked at Tayuya, "Be that as it may, I suppose they made the right decision on this one. You can call me mom if you want."

Tayuya blinked and then she jerked a thumb over her shoulder at Hattori and Mimasu, "So those two would be my brothers?" Tsunade nodded and Tayuya pointed to her, "And I would be your daughter?" Tsunade nodded, "For all intents and purposes." Tayuya pointed at Naruto, "And Whiskers would be my cousin?" Tsunade nodded, "That's right." Tayuya scrunched her eyes shut and turned back around to bury her face in a ramen bowl. Tsunade, Hattori, Mimasu and Naruto all watched her curiously until a moment later she finished her bowl and buried her face in a napkin, blowing her nose noisily, before saying through the napkin, "I'd…I'd like that."

She wiped her face with the napkin and then crumpled it up before returning to eating quietly, but those who looked could see her eyes were red and puffy from the tears of joy she was trying so hard to hide.

Meanwhile Sasuke was quizzing Itachi about why Hattori and Konan were in such staunch denial. It would've been a terribly unwise thing to do with Hattori and Konan sitting within arms' reach of them if not for the super-secret code they were using. It was something made up by, known only to and held as one of the Uchiha clan's greatest secrets: the secret art of understanding each others' nonsensical noises and gestures known to outsiders as "they're all crazy" and referred to by clan members as the "Uchihahahahaha-we-know-something-they-don't-know".

"Well you see little bro," Itachi explained through a complex series of hand gestures, armpit farts, whistles and agonized faces, which to an outsider might have appeared to be a reenactment of a terrible case of distressed bowels, "The thing is, Konan's over ten years older than Hattori. She uses her transformation technique to remain physically young, and he's smart way beyond his age, so they average each other out, but they still feel weird admitting they've got it bad for each other despite that age gap. She feels like a cradle robber and he doesn't want anyone to look at her funny. Word of advice, _don't_ , they're both insanely touchy about it. The last guy who made a remark about Konan's age got blasted into a smear on the ground, and he was supposedly immortal."

Sasuke replied through a little dance move and some scatting noises, "I don't see the problem, age is just a number. If they're happy good for them." Itachi danced right back with some of his own scatting noises in agreement.

Meanwhile Hinata was on her way to her seat after quietly accepting her bowl and trying to make herself as small and unobtrusive as possible when a very battered Jiraiya looked down at her, "Looks like you're trying to hide from something too." Hinata paled immediately, "O-oh, n-no! I-I just…" Jiraiya sat down next to her, "Don't worry, we all make mistakes. I know who you are Hinata, calm down. I'm not going to scold you. Naruto tells me you've had enough hell for a lifetime." He took a drink and Hinata seemed to shrink a little bit into herself, "Y-yes sir, that sounds about right."

Jiraiya nodded with a sympathetic look, "So, it's been a long time since I took a student. I recently found out I have children who I'm going to see about teaching if they want to hang out with their," he gulped so he didn't choke on the shame, "deadbeat dad, and I haven't been much of a godfather to Naruto, so I'm going to teach him too. Would you like to join us some time?"

Hinata's jaw dropped and she was silent for a moment before fumbling out a, "Yes! Yes please, I'd love to!" Jiraiya smiled, "I'm glad to hear it. Once we get a time and location set up, I'll let you know." "Sounds great," Shiro Enryu declared from the other side of Jiraiya, "So, what are we learning _DAD?_ " Hinata and Jiraiya's eyes both popped wide open as they turned to look at Shiro, who they could now immediately tell looked just like a younger, leaner Jiraiya. Shirahoshi waved with a smug look from next to Shiro and Jiraiya's momentarily stopped heart twitched as he realized she was definitely Sokushi's sister and his daughter.

Then Shiro turned with a smile and called, "Fuu-uu! We found Dad!" Everyone within earshot turned and looked as Jiraiya turned as white as his hair. Fuu blinked and then her face split in a huge smile. In one leap, she bounced over the table, across the room and full on tackle-hugged Jiraiya right off the bench backwards, "DADDY!"

The impact restarted Jiraiya's heart just in time for him to hear Shiro declare, "DOGPILE ON DAD!" WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM WHAM. Shiro, Shirahoshi, Sokushi, Teibo, Kiba, and a Naruto clone suddenly all leapt onto the pile. Kiba grinned from the middle of the pile with Akamaru on his head, "Woof." When Jiraiya recovered, he looked at Kiba, "Don't tell me _you're_ mine too!" Kiba shook his head, "Nah, I just heard "dogpile" and jumped on. I know who _my_ dad is."

"You'd better!" A large man in a beat-up gray hat called from where he had his ragged boots propped up on the contestants' table, "By the way you're losin' time tiny!" Then he drained a bowl of ramen and set it aside with one hand while reaching for another. Nearly the entire room froze as they realized who the man with his face hidden behind a bowl of ramen was. He lowered the bowl and his eyes glowed crimson through his hat brim's shadow, the four parallel scars over his left eye and the savage fangs in his smile lending him an even more evil look. He chuckled and everyone in the room felt their hair stand on end before he spoke in a low carrying voice, "What? My son is in the Chunin Exam Finals. Did you really expect me to _not_ show up and wish him good luck?"

The tension in the air didn't lessen and the man claiming to be Kiba's father sighed with a grimace, "Well, guess now that my cover's blown I should probably get on with the festivities." A dozen ANBU suddenly appeared circling him as most of the ramen eating contestants backed up. The man chuckled, "Oh that's just insulting. Only a dozen? You know that's not enough."

ANBU Commander Ghost appeared, "Yasei Inuzuka, you're under arrest." Yasei's grin widened as a vicious manic look entered his eye and he started laughing, "Is that so?" Before Ghost could even move, Yasei had Body Flickered right in front of him and struck with almost invisible speed to snatch Ghost's mask off. Before anyone could realize what he'd done, Yasei disappeared and reappeared at the edge of the tent, twirling Ghost's mask on the tip of his index finger, "I'll keep this as a souvenir. Catch me if you can brat! Fugaku couldn't and I bet you can't either!" He disappeared laughing as Sasuke's eyes widened to the size of saucers at the sight of Ghost's quickly-covered-with-a-hand face as the ANBU Commander quickly Body-Flickered away, "Cousin Shisui?"

 _ **AN:**_ _Yeah, Cliffhanger-no-jutsu. I'm sorry, but this update was long overdue. Next chapter will be out sooner rather than later I hope, and it will be epic. After that we'll probably be getting into the Chunin Exam Finals within another chapter or two._

 _Also, yes, ANBU Commander Ghost is Shisui. For those of you who pay attention to my Author Notes, you probably guessed that already since I said back in the Author Note for Chapter 3 that Obito and Madara are dead dead dead and not coming back except maybe to have chats through the "phone a dead friend" mechanic of Naruto's seal. More information on where he's been will be revealed in future chapters, and yes, as stated in chapter 13, he DOES have a daughter who we'll meet in a future chapter._

 _Yes, Fuu, Shiro and Shirahoshi are all siblings, and are all Jiraiya's children, so expect to see more of them._


	16. Chapter 16: Rampage & Ramen

Chapter 16: Rampage and Ramen

An instant after Yasei disappeared, the first building collapsed explosively. Yasei had that effect on things. Kakashi was nervous as he laid a hand on Sasuke and Sakura's shoulders, "Ah Team, stay put." The Third Hokage leapt to his feet, "ALL JONIN AND ANBU! CATCH THAT MAN! EVERYONE ELSE STAY OUT OF HIS WAY!"

Shisui was already on the job, and his blade clashed with Yasei's claws three streets over as Yasei erupted through the third building in his way. The building hit the ground at about the time Shisui realized a regular blade wasn't going to hold against Yasei. Yasei's chakra hardened claws erupted with lightning and sheared through Shisui's blade as though it were cheese, only narrowly missing tearing the young ANBU Commander apart.

Before Shisui could spring back, Yasei's other hand came up in a vicious uppercut hardened to the strength of steel by Yasei's Earth Spear technique. Shisui was picked up clear off his feet and then launched through a wall by Yasei's still sparking follow up punch. If Shisui hadn't hardened his body with chakra, that would've been the end of his participation in the fight.

Meanwhile Naruto was continuing to eat as per Kakashi's orders while Minato described the threat to him through his seal.

"So Dad, you say you know this guy?" Naruto asked in his mindspace. Minato's spirit nodded, "He's my old teammate. There were three of us under Jiraiya-Sensei, me, your friend Sasuke's father Fugaku and Kiba's father Yasei Inuzuka. I was the fastest and smartest, Fugaku was the most naturally skilled, but Yasei was the strongest. Without my Flying Raijin and Fuinjutsu, I'm not sure I could've beat him. Even with it, his reflexes border on precognitive. Fugaku could only fight him at all because of his Sharingan, and even then, Yasei usually kept him on the defensive."

"So if he was your teammate, then why is everyone trying to get him now?" "He was the Jonin Commander until the Uchiha Massacre," Minato said grimly, "After that he started digging and learned it was the Village Elder Danzo and the Council who had ordered the Massacre." "Wait, WHAT?" Naruto exclaimed. Minato nodded, "That was his reaction too. Needless to say, he didn't take the execution of his best friend very well, especially once he had tracked down Itachi and found out that Fugaku had committed suicide rather than make his own son kill him as a traitor."

"What happened?" Naruto asked nervously. "Yasei couldn't stand leaving the people who had ordered his best friend's death in power, so one night he had a terrible fight with his wife Tsume. They were always arguing, but this was an actual fight, they were going at it like they were trying to kill each other. I'm not sure if you remember, but their fight leveled several blocks of Konoha. Eventually Yasei retreated with his eye injured by Tsume's claws, but later that same night, he stormed Danzo's mansion to kill him," Minato explained grimly.

"It took Danzo, Lord Third, and over half of the ANBU Black Ops to force him and his pack to retreat. He lost three of his pack that night because they were trying not to seriously hurt anyone except Yasei's target. After that he disappeared. If he hadn't been tired, beat up and blind in one eye from his fight with Tsume on top of trying not to hurt anyone but Danzo, I think he would've killed Danzo. Kakashi was right, you really do not need to get involved in a fight with him. If he's had vengeance on the brain this whole time, then I'm not sure anyone will be able to stop him this time."

Naruto nodded, "Yep, I'm good with sitting this one out." He popped out of his mindspace, "Have fun Kakashi-Sensei!" Kakashi paused at the edge of the tent just long enough to shoot Naruto a look and then disappeared.

Five streets over, Yasei slid under Might Guy's kick, caught Guy's trailing foot and threw him across the street before whirling into a Tunneling Fang and sending a squad of ANBU flying like bowling pins. Yasei paused for the briefest of instants and then Body Flickered sideways as Kakashi fell from above and buried his arm up to the elbow in the pavement with his Chidori. Yasei grinned, "Oh hey, you're Minato's student Kakashi right?" Kakashi smiled faintly, "It's nice to see you again Yasei-sensei. Sorry we kind of have to kill or capture you." Yasei suddenly ducked just in time to not even be grazed by Asuma's Flying Swallowtail technique. Yasei snapped out a back kick under Asuma's outstretched arm and sent him flying, "Asuma! It's good to see you again!"

Asuma rolled to a landing next to Kurenai as she finished a genjutsu that blinded Yasei, "It's nice to see you too Sensei." "Kiba's doing very well," Kurenai added as Yasei used his other senses to fight off Kakashi while Asuma charged back in trying to reach his former sensei before Yasei shook off Kurenai's genjutsu. "You're Kiba's Jonin-sensei Kure-chan?" Yasei asked delightedly before catching Kakashi's kick and throwing him into Asuma. He clapped his hands and dispelled the genjutsu, "You've gotten a lot better Kure-chan! I almost didn't notice that subtle displacement genjutsu!" "But the nose knows," Kurenai grimaced.

"That's right!" Yasei laughed as he jumped, spun, flipped and threw an electrified stomp kick at Shisui. Shisui blocked with an arm shrouded in green chakra armor and his Sharingan glowing behind his spare mask. Yasei turned the stomp kick into the push off for a small Body Flicker and reappeared clinging to the side of a building grinning viciously at Shisui, "Wha-oh! Step back boys and girls, we've got ourselves a badass up in here!"

Kakashi, Asuma, Gai and Kurenai looked at him in shock and then immediately backed up. The ANBU followed their lead and formed a perimeter. Shisui settled into his guard and the rest of his Susano'o formed around him, "I really hate having to repeat myself. Yasei Inuzuka, you. Are. UNDER. _ARREST!_ " His Susano'o's massive glowing green fist crashed into the building Yasei had been crouching on only a moment before. Then Shisui and his Susano'o were smashed skidding down the street by a horizontal hurricane of electricity, " _RAIJU GATSUGA!"_

Shisui narrowly managed to shove Yasei off course, only for Yasei to flip out of his spin up and over the arm of Shisui's Susano'o, Body Flicker behind it, and launch a fresh assault on it from behind. Yasei's technique sent the massive chakra giant stumbling forward and just as Shisui managed to turn, Yasei Body Flickered again and hit the glowing juggernaut again from below, and then from above and behind before hitting in his initial impact point once more and burrowing a hole straight through the Susano'o. Shisui watched in horror as Yasei's electric trail dissipated through the tunnel he had blown in the Susano'o.

Yasei spun to a halt crouched on the side of a building, "Nice try kid! But Fugaku's was bigger _and_ cooler!" Then he disappeared again with a Body Flicker. Shisui allowed his Susano'o to dissipate and stared at the spot where Yasei had been, "Uncle Fugaku could use the Susano'o?"

Then Yasei howled with delight from several blocks away, "SENSEEEEEEEIIIII!" The following explosions and crashes from Yasei's brawl with Jiraiya snapped Shisui from his reverie and he yelled at his gawking ANBU subordinates, "Don't just stand there! COME ON!" Then he Body Flickered and reappeared at the edge of what had become a massive demolition zone in wake of the two powerhouses fighting it out in the street.

Shisui arrived just in time to see Yasei punch through Jiraiya's hastily formed Needle Jizo with an Earth Spear reinforced fist. Yasei pulled his bloodied fist back and bellowed in pain at it as Jiraiya went flying back from the tremendous force of Yasei's punch, "OWWWOO! THAT HURT! WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO YOUR HAIR?! I USED TO BE ABLE TO PUNCH YOU THROUGH THAT JUTSU NO PROBLEM!"

Jiraiya uncoiled himself from his protective cocoon of hair needles with a wan smile, "Maybe I'm just putting on a good show for my kids?" "YOU HAVE KIDS?!" Yasei exclaimed in mock surprise with an overly dramatic pose and a grin that showed he found it hilarious. Jiraiya nodded as he walked through a few handsigns, "They're all in the Chunin Finals, I'm very proud of them." "Kiba's going to kick their butts!" Yasei retorted with a confident grin as Jiraiya blew out a massive fireball. "Not a chance!" Jiraiya shouted at Yasei's rapidly retreating form, "One of _my_ kids will win the tournament!" Yasei just cackled over his shoulder and disappeared mid-leap as the explosive tag wrapped around the hilt of a kunai an ANBU had thrown at him detonated.

"AFTER HIM!" Shisui bellowed as he took off after Yasei. He was stopped by Jiraiya's Wild Lion's Mane wrapping around him, "Hold it kid!" "WHAT?!" Shisui demanded as he struggled in Jiraiya's hair, "That man's a dangerous criminal!" "He's also just playing with us right now," Jiraiya replied, "Or did you fail to notice that he hasn't got a single one of his ninken with him? I'm sure you remember _them_ don't you Ghost?" Shisui paled slightly at the memory of Yasei's pack, "So what do you propose?! We just let him go?!"

Jiraiya nodded, "That's exactly what I'm saying! If he gets serious and summons his pack inside the village, the destruction from a battle between them and our forces could easily be comparable to the Kyuubi Attack! He can bring down a small invasion's worth of power on us on a whim, and that's assuming he hasn't gotten any stronger since he disappeared! We _cannot_ engage him seriously inside the village! Especially not with all these foreign dignitaries in town! Send your troops throughout the village to warn us if he resurfaces, but don't try to force him out! He hasn't caused any real trouble yet, if he'll leave without making a mess we can count that as a win for now."

Jiraiya leaned in and whispered, "We both know there's only one person in this village he hates. Form a perimeter and keep the old man secure." Then he said a little more loudly, "I don't think he'll hurt anyone else here provided they don't attack him. He said he came to wish his son good luck, now that he's done that he may go right back into his self-imposed exile. If he wants to visit his wife and daughter, who could blame him for that? By all means try to stop him, he'll tear you apart. If you see him, alert me, Tsunade or Lord Hokage, but nobody, _NOBODY_ else is to attempt to fight him except to protect anyone he actively attacks. You can try, but you'll end up hurt or dead. I think everyone here remembers how powerful Yasei is, and if you don't, just look at what he's done in the last fifteen minutes!"

Those who hadn't known how strong Yasei was paled as they realized what Jiraiya was talking about. Jiraiya nodded, "Good. You have your orders, now go about your business, and if you see him, report, observe but DO NOT ENGAGE!"

With that the assembled shinobi dispersed, many returning to Ichiraku's for the contest. When they arrived they found it had become a five way tie between Tsunade, Naruto, Fuu, Gaara and Tayuya with Choji and Jirobo struggling to catch up. Sasuke and Sakura were egging Naruto on while Temari and Kankuro were cheering for Gaara. Mimasu was staying out of it rather than choose between his mother and his Jinchuriki. Hattori, the Rain nin and the Akatsuki were rooting for Tsunade (although Sokushi and Teibo were torn and rooting for Fuu as well, and Kisame was sulking a little about having lost before the contest even began), and Kidomaru had roped Squad 10 into rooting for Tayuya. Jirobo was taking his teammate's favoring Tayuya well as he agreed that losing wouldn't be nearly as bad as dealing with Tayuya's temper and sulking if she lost to him. Shiro and his sister Shirahoshi were cheering for Fuu and Hinata was just quietly eating her ramen.

Jiraiya settled into the Fuu camp immediately and Asuma into the Tayuya camp with his team. Kurenai didn't particularly root for anyone and Gai shed manly tears over the youthful passion and spirit of the competitors as Kakashi resumed his position as announcer, "Aaaaand we're back! In the lead still are reigning champion Tsunade Senju, Naruto Uzumaki and our dark horse competitor Tayuya Uzumaki!"

"Senju!" Tsunade barked between bites before shoveling in more noodles and continuing, "I'm adopting her as soon as we're done here!" Kakashi blinked, "Okay, Reigning Champion Tsunade, her soon-to-be-daughter Tayuya, her cousin Naruto, and our strongest competitors from abroad, Gaara of the Desert and Fuu of the Hidden Waterfall!" "That's my girl!" Jiraiya cheered as Temari and Kankuro whooped for Gaara.

"It's Naruto by a slurp! Tayuya by a shovel! Tsunade by a guzzle! Fuu and Gaara take the lead simultaneously by downing their bowls whole! Oh it's Tayuya again! Look at Tsunade double gunning the chopsticks in each hand! This contest is getting heated folks! Ho-ly cow! Naruto is using _nine_ chopsticks at once to shovel it down! Gaara's begun just pouring entire bowls into his mouth and are we sure that's not a jutsu to make his mouth bigger?!" Sand immediately engulfed Kakashi up to his shoulders, "Never mind! It's Tsunade by half a bowl! Fuu by a ladle! Oh how much more intense can this race get?!"

Kakashi continued commentating in this manner for almost three minutes before something caught his eye. He popped over to the stand and counted the bowls in Tsunade's stack then he snapped bolt upright and threw his hands up over his head in an overly dramatic fashion, "Oh my! The leading five competitors have all broken world record! The new record is 63 bowls and rising!" Tsunade almost choked on her ramen in surprise before counting the bowls herself with one hand and continuing to eat with the other, but those paying the sharpest of attention could tell she and the others were slowing down.

Kakashi was one of those to notice, "Oh my ladies and gentlemen and shinobi of all ages!" As the chuckle rippled through the audience he continued, "I do believe we may be growing closer to finished with this contest! With only five minutes left on the clock, _who_ _will win?!_ " The competitors dove into their bowls with renewed vigor, with Choji and Jirobo running out of room less than two minutes later. When there were only two minutes left, Gaara and Fuu threw in the towel. At one minute left, Tsunade was forced to surrender or throw up from overload.

At thirty seconds left, Tayuya tapped Naruto on the shoulder and yanked up her shirt. Naruto and every guy still in the competition, contender for victory or not, plus Jiraiya, Shiro, Teibo, Sasuke and many more men in the audience, fell out of their chairs and fainted from a concerted nosebleed. As the buzzer rang Tayuya dropped her shirt back down, slammed her empty bowl onto the table and thrust her fist into the air in victory with a tremendous grin, "SIXTY-NINE! I WIN!"

Kakashi's eyes were the size of saucers, as were everyone else's, "Um, does that count?" Lord Third pinched his nose, "The rules were no jutsu, spiking or poisioning. Flashing is technically allowed. Naruto could contest it if he really wanted to." "I'm fine, she can have it," Naruto declared woozily with a big smile plastered across his face. Kushina's ghost was torn between an urge to wail in defeat and split a seam laughing. Minato's ghost suffered no such indecision and howled with laughter. Haku and Kiba had matching grins with blood leaking from their noses as they declared quietly in unison, "Oh, I _LIKE_ this one!" Then Kiba looked at Haku in surprise before remembering that Haku spent as much time in male form as female.

Fuu rested her head on the table with watery eyes and a faint smile, "I was so close…" Gaara was laid back in his chair with his hands on his stomach staring vacantly into space, "Shukaku, was this really necessary?" Shukaku was rocking back and forth on Gaara's head with a grimace, "Daaa-aaamn! I'm so mad we lost, but that was so hilarious and hot!" Jirobo uncertainly patted a tearful Choji on the shoulder as Choji had much the same reaction as Shukaku, "Ah…there, there?"

Teuchi and Ayame were scratching their heads in confusion as they looked at the competitors. "I thought for sure Tsunade would win," Teuchi said half to himself, "Naruto's good, but Tsunade's held that title for decades..." "I can't believe Naruto came in second!" Ayame replied. Then she thought about something, "Hey dad, what do we do with the leftover ra…men?" When she turned around she realized that the gigantic pot they had cooked the entire competition's worth of ramen in, which still had enough for all twenty five contestants to have another three bowls each, was missing.

Through it all, nobody noticed Shisui bathing the room in his Kotoamatsukami and wiping the memory of his face from the minds of everyone present.

On a nearby rooftop, Yasei finished draining the broth from the gargantuan bowl that was big enough for him to bathe in and lowered it with a smug grin as he declared quietly to himself, "Eighty-two. _I_ win." Then he set the bowl down in the alley and was gone as quick as he'd arrived.

==That Night==

Kiba trudged into his bedroom, tired from the long day enjoyed with his friends old and new, and Akamaru quietly padded along beside him before hopping up onto the bed they shared. Kiba flopped down onto the bed without even bothering to shed his clothes and then noticed something sitting on his pillow. A gray hat, exactly like the one his father had worn for as long as Kiba could remember.

Kiba's eyes widened as he pushed himself upright and picked up the hat. He sniffed it and stiffened as he recognized his father's scent and then he noticed another scent. He checked the lining and found a small note with a little seal drawn on it. He got up and closed the door before unsealing the contents of the note. A small scroll popped out with a folded up note. Kiba picked up the note and swapped a glance with Akamaru before unfolding it…

 _Kiba,_

 _First off, I want to tell you how sorry I am for not having been there for you all these years. I miss you every second of every day and all night too. Second, I want to tell you how incredibly proud I am of you. I talked to your mother today and she told me everything about how you and Hana have been doing. You are truly my children and nothing could make me prouder of you than I am right now._

 _The scroll contains several of my techniques. They are for you and your sister and nobody else except your eventual children. There are some you might not be able to master if your chakra affinity is different than mine, don't worry. Improvise and never assume you have to follow in my footsteps. I'm proud of you no matter what. Best of luck with the Chunin Exam Final, train hard and do your best in the three and a half weeks you have left. I have faith in you to do great._

 _I'd tell you to go and make me proud, but you already do._

 _Love Dad_

Kiba's eyes watered as he read it and he sniffled a little as he pulled Akamaru close and hugged his four-footed little brother. "I love you too dad," he whispered softly. On a nearby rooftop, Yasei's eyes watered too as his far beyond human hearing picked out Kiba's words. Yasei scrunched his eyes closed to hold back the tears and then he pulled the brim of his hat down, turned and disappeared in a flash of yellow light.


	17. Chapter 17: Interlude

Chapter 17 – Interlude

==That Night==

"Thank you for agreeing to see me Lord Hokage," Mimasu said smoothly as he entered the room. It wasn't a large room, it was in fact a bit small, especially for a meeting between two Kage. It was however an incredibly secure room, only small because the materials that had been used to build it were hard to obtain and manufacture. There were two chairs at opposite ends of a round table with a rotating center. The two pairs of bodyguards stood behind their respective Kages.

"It is an honor to have you here Lord Kazekage," Hiruzen replied with a smile, "I am a little curious at your choice of bodyguards though. Most Kage bring Jonin, but you have opted for a pair of Chunin." Mimasu smiled as he sat down, "Temari and Gaara are far stronger than any ordinary Chunin Lord Hokage. They'll be Jonin before you know it, but that is beside the point. We do have important business to discuss."

Hiruzen nodded, "Yes, you did mention that it was something of the highest importance to our alliance." Mimasu nodded, "It is. As I'm sure you are aware Lord Hokage, the Village Hidden in the Sand is in simple terms, flat broke." Hiruzen raised an eyebrow, that wasn't the sort of thing a negotiator should just up and declare about their own village. Mimasu shrugged, fully aware of that, "So as I'm sure you can understand, we need some money." "You're asking for a loan?" Hiruzen asked with a faint note of incredulity in his voice.

Mimasu snorted, "Nothing so mundane. I am here to discuss war." Hiruzen's eyebrows came down like thunderclouds, "Come again?" Mimasu smiled with a wicked glint in his eye, "The fourth Great War will start soon Lord Hokage. Hidden Sand will be taking advantage of it. I came to give you the heads up in person as a sign of good faith. Temari?" He extended a hand and Temari placed a scroll in it. Mimasu showed it to Hiruzen, "This is a piece of intel I recently received. My source tells me that Hidden Stone already has it, and they expect you would have received it very soon as well." He set the scroll on the table's revolving center and rotated it around to Hiruzen.

Hiruzen picked up the scroll and quickly opened and read it. His eyebrows went up, "I find myself inclined to ask how you got this information. It must surely have not been easy." Mimasu smiled, "I know you have a source in the same place I do. I believe our sources work quite closely in fact. I'm sure your source has already told you all of this, but in case it slipped his mind, I'm letting you know. Hidden Stone _definitely_ knows already, and I have it from a close friend that they intend to move on this information. I'm going to be busy trying to rebuild Hidden Sand in wake of the coup a week ago, but as I said, I'm going to be taking advantage of this war to get my village back on its feet."

"And how exactly will you be doing that?" Hiruzen asked cautiously. Mimasu smiled, "Economics my good Lord Hokage. As I said, we need money. We have our ways to make money in war as I'm sure you do as well. I will be keeping Hidden Sand neutral unless we or one of our allies are attacked." Hiruzen nodded, "I see. You wish for us to maintain neutrality for as long as we can so that you can maintain yours." Mimasu nodded, "Precisely Lord Hokage. Rest assured we'll come to your aid should neutrality cease to be a feasible or desirable option for you, but we would appreciate being allowed to maintain our neutrality for as long as possible."

Hiruzen thought carefully, "I understand your position, but you must consider mine as well. What's in it for Konoha?" Mimasu smiled like a shark that had found a bare behind, "I was hoping you would ask me that."

==Meanwhile==

"So? How do I look?" Sakura had somehow managed to drag Lee, Tenten and Kankuro along for Squad 7's little shopping spree to prepare for their upcoming training in diplomacy, infiltrations and assassinations. Currently they were at a very high end clothing store, trying on clothes suitable for infiltration of the upper classes. Currently Sakura was hunting a ball gown, and the one she was currently wearing was floor length and black with off the shoulder billowy sleeves that could easily conceal half a dozen kunai or more each, not to mention all the things that could be concealed beneath the floor length skirt.

"It looks amazing Sakura-chan!" Lee declared with his eyes utterly riveted to her. "Definitely looks awesome Sakura-chan!" Kankuro agreed as he tried not to drool. Tenten examined it thoughtfully, "Hmm…turn." Sakura obliged and Tenten frowned, "I'm not sure about that low back. It leaves you completely exposed from attacks to the rear, there's not even any mesh to mitigate the opening."

The thing about the dress, all the clothes in the building in fact, was that they were made for and _by_ the residents of a major shinobi village. Every stitch of material was in some way or another made for combat. Even the frilly laces on many of the dresses contained seals for reinforcing the fabric and containing weapons. Of course, even with the fabric chakra strengthened to the strength of steel, a huge opening in the back was still a very significant point against the dress.

Sakura frowned, "Hmm…you're right." She sighed, "Well, guess I'll try another one then. What do you think boys? Something else in black, or should I try another color?" "Sakura-chan looks amazing in anything!" Lee declared immediately. Kankuro nodded in agreement, "He's right. You might wish to avoid warm colors though as cooler colors will match your hair and eyes better, and with blue you run the risk of drowning them out. Green could work quite well, although it runs the same risk of drowning out the color of your hair and eyes and I am also unsure purple would suit you. Black, white, silver, those colors should all work very nicely for you, black and white more than silver I think."

Sakura, Tenten and Lee all blinked at the comprehensive list and then, "Wow Kankuro, you must think about me in pretty clothes a lot," Sakura teased. Kankuro blushed slightly, "Actually I'm a painter when I'm not working with my puppets, I've had a lot of practice coordinating colors, and Temari always dragged me along whenever she went shopping because she wanted a second opinion and didn't trust anyone else to give her an honest one." "Aww, so you don't think about me?" Sakura asked, feigning hurt. Kankuro immediately blushed and started stammering that he hadn't meant that at all as Lee tried hard not to smile and mentally chalked up a point in his favor against his "love rival".

Meanwhile Naruto and Sasuke were getting "advice" from Ino, who had in fact made good on her bet with Sakura and died her hair pink and was glaring away any questions about the curly little pig tail. She had altered her hair style to have two bangs framing her face and two low ponytails instead of a single high one and changed from purple clothes to black, adding a reinforced jacket to the ensemble along with a pair of long trench knives up her sleeves that she had bullied Asuma into teaching her to use in the midst of her training frenzy to prepare for the finals.

Much to Sasuke and Naruto's displeasure and Kakashi's amusement, Ino's "advice" consisted of being pulled, pinched, pushed, generally man handled and asked questions they had no clue how to answer and being muttered at about how useless men were with clothes before more man handling and instructions to change into yet _another_ suit Ino had pulled from a rack ensued.

Just now Ino was checking the fit and fall of the sleeves on the latest one she had put Naruto in as Sasuke changed in the changing room, "Hmm, this one seems to fit alright as far as length," she mused as she examined Naruto so closely that it made him severely uncomfortable. Then she reached up and felt along his shoulders from behind, "When did your shoulders get this broad?" Then she ran her hands all over Naruto's torso in a way that made him wonder if he should feel violated before squeezing his biceps through his sleeve. She laid her chin on his shoulder, "Kakashi-sensei, how much has Naruto been working out?"

"Five hours a day every day we're not on a mission," Kakashi replied, "And thanks to the healing abilities being a Jinchuriki gives him, he builds muscle at a rate that boggles the mind." Ino straightened up and checked to see if Naruto was indeed still shorter than her, and upon discovering that he was now the same height, wrapped her arms around Naruto's midriff before purring into his ear, "So you've gone and turned into a hunk while I wasn't looking Naruto-kun?"

Naruto's face was a stunned blank for almost a full ten seconds before he blushed utterly crimson. He hadn't said anything yet, but he honestly thought the pink hair worked for Ino just as well if not better than it had for Sakura, and he'd liked it a _lot_ on Sakura. Ino just buried her face in his shoulder and shook with laughter as Naruto tried to wrap his mind around the fact that Ino was quite brazenly flirting with him.

==Meanwhile==

Jiraiya was not in a good humor. He had really wanted to spend time with his newfound children, but this particular informant was one he hadn't heard from in over a decade. For him to have surfaced now meant he'd found something huge. "So," Jiraiya asked calmly over sake, "What have you found?" "Morea," the grim man across from him replied.

Jiraiya flinched, "You're kidding." Morea was the largest empire on the continent, its northeast border was the western border of Wind Country's desert, and that desert was the _only_ reason that Morea had been stopped. The Morean legions were so vast and terrifyingly strong that even in the Land of Lightning Jiraiya had heard tales of them marching over all opposition. If the desert and the shinobi that had later founded Hidden Sand hadn't managed to turn the Morean legion back, the Elemental nations would probably be well on their way to becoming provinces of Morea, if they weren't already.

Morea had many Jinchuriki, and their Jinchuriki were the heads of Morea's religious orders and legions. The strongest though was reputedly their Emperor, whose bloodline allowed for the Imperial Family to inherit Jinchuriki status of the spirit that was according to legend even stronger than the Nine-Tails. _It's also supposedly the most perverted place in the world,_ Jiraiya thought, "They're preparing to make another go at the Elemental Nations?"

His informant took a drink and nodded, "Aye, they've conquered the rest of the continent, even the southwestern region has fallen. Only the Elemental Nations are left before they can go ahead and rename the continent Morea. Their Emperor's a drunken pervert who spends more time messing about with his harem than ruling, but his son is the real problem, he's effectively already the Emperor and he's the strongest one they've had in I don't know how long if his chakra's anything to go by. If they're _always_ that strong, then I can only guess that the previous emperors have all been lazy bums too busy pursuing their vices or dealing with internal affairs to lead their troops. There's no doubt, the kid's got chakra on par with mine when he's just _relaxing_. I don't even want to think about how powerful he could be when he decides it's actually time to fight and taps that spirit's energy."

He took another drink and sat forward, lost in a terrifying memory, "I only saw him use it once, and that was on the southwestern region's unified army. Throwing a mountain at them wouldn't have been that effective. He manifested the dragon, it was definitely as big as the Nine-Tails if not bigger, and when it roared, it was like the entire world trembled and then the land under the southwestern army's feet _exploded_. You probably heard it here and thought it was thunder, I'm surprised there weren't earthquakes all over the continent from the force of that blast. The legionnaires claimed he had contained the blast so as not to hurt his troops, and as easily as he detonated it, I'm inclined to believe he could do it. It just roared and _BOOM_ , there was nothing left but ash on the breeze!"

Jiraiya was pale, "Do you know if he intends to lead the charge?" A shake of the head, "No. He might, but from what I heard he'd gathering the strongest forces he can muster, so we probably at least have some time. We have at least a few weeks before they begin to mobilize, it's their big festival month. They won't do anything until the party's over. The rumors about them are _definitely_ true," he added, "I've never seen such debauchery. The whole capitol might as well be a massive brothel! Drinking, screwing, feasting and every crime and immorality you can imagine! Being probably the largest empire in the world apparently has its advantages," he declared before knocking back another shot.

He sighed, "All the information I gathered is in that packet I gave you. I had better get going before someone sees me." He rose and grabbed his hat, but as he turned to leave Jiraiya caught his wrist, "Yasei, what are you going to do now?" "I'm gonna go home and be with my wife for the evening what did you _think_ I was going to do?" Yasei grumbled, "Yes attacking Danzo like that last time was brash, reckless, foolish and really, really just plain _dumb_. I won't be making that mistake again." Jiraiya sighed with relief and released Yasei, "Okay, good. Go have fun Yasei, I know you two have missed each other." Yasei smiled wanly and took off, _Attacking head-on without sufficient preparation was certainly a mistake, but I've learned my lesson Sensei. I shouldn't have forgotten your teachings last time. This time, I'm here to WIN._

==Meanwhile, Morea==

Satsuki Kiryuuin was unimpressed. This was not unusual. Satsuki Kiryuuin was a difficult young woman to impress. What _was_ unusual was the situation she found herself in. A party. Normally, this would also not be that unusual, the Honnoji region's ruler, Satsuki's mother Ragyo, was known for her extravagant lifestyle almost as much as her terrible strength in combat. This however was no ordinary party. This was a party in the Morean capitol, the great city of Morea itself, being thrown by the emperor, the man regarded as the most lecherous in the Empire's history. Morea was known for being a city of debauchery and lewd antics, but the Emperor was truly the king of the bunch, and his parties reflected that.

Satsuki was currently the most dressed person in the room, and certainly the most dressed _woman_. She was pointedly not drinking any of the wine, and she was standing off to the side of the room, observing the madness with disdain. "Ridiculous isn't it?" Someone asked from beside her. Satsuki started slightly and saw a girl perhaps a year or two younger than her with back hair done up in a bun except for the bangs framing her face. She was wearing a rather revealing red outfit which left most of her torso bare while still covering her tastefully, and she had on a skirt as well, although it was a short one that ended well above her knees. She had golden eyes and oozed craftiness and confidence that made Satsuki immediately wary. "I suppose one could see it that way," she replied carefully, "I do not believe it is my place to question the Emperor's taste in parties though."

The girl smirked, "Oh please, I can tell you're not enjoying yourself. Father really needs to learn that not everyone enjoys this sort of thing even if he does. Personally, I don't either to tell you the truth. My brother on the other hand, I think he gets a little more pleasure out of it than he admits." Satsuki raised an eyebrow, "Your father is…?" "Emperor Vesania," the girl replied, "I'm sorry, I haven't introduced myself have I? Princess Aozora, daughter of Lady Arachne and Emperor Vesania, second in line to the throne. You unless I am mistaken are Satsuki Kiryuuin. Am I right?" She asked with a grin that said she knew she was.

Satsuki nodded, "That is correct, it is an honor to meet you princess." Aozora smiled, "Have you met my brother? You seem like someone he'd like from what I've heard about you, and this doesn't seem to really be your scene. Wanna meet him?" Satsuki thought about it for a moment, "I suppose it couldn't hurt to introduce myself." Aozora smiled, "Perfect, follow me."

Aozora led Satsuki through the crowded room that stank almost overpoweringly of what was being done in it and booze, then they came upon a young man and woman, both sunny blonde and not much more dressed than Aozora, but still far more covered than most of the room's occupants. Their amorous activities were no less fervent for being a bit more restrained in what they did though. Aozora cleared her throat, "Koga."

Koga raised a finger and rolled over with his partner who laughed with delight as she suddenly found herself on the bottom with her legs wrapped around his waist. Koga gave her a quick kiss, "Just a moment Leone, let me see what Aozora wants." Leone, who Satsuki could now see had the same golden eyes as Koga and Aozora, grinned, "Don't make me wait too long or I'll interrupt you!"

Koga grinned, "I would never make you interrupt my dear," then he sat up and looked at Aozora and Satsuki, "Hello, you seem new." His gaze swept over Satsuki and she got the distinct feeling she had just been undressed in his mind before he smirked, "Satsuki Kiryuuin, it is a pleasure to finally meet you. I must say, the rumors of your shocking beauty do not do it justice." Leone sat up, all amorous thoughts suddenly gone and replaced with a different excitement, "No way! You're Satsuki?! That's great! Now we've got everyone we wanted to recruit!"

Koga cleared his throat with a smile, "Yes. Lady Satsuki allow me to introduce my very dear friend Leone Helia, host of the Sun Lion Helios and head of the Order of the Sun." Satsuki raised an eyebrow ever so slightly, _very "friendly" indeed,_ "It is nice to meet you Lady Leone." Leone laughed brightly, "Oh don't be so formal! We're friends and this is hardly a formal occasion!" Satsuki nodded, "Of course." _There's only one word for this girl,_ Satsuki thought, _and that word is SUNNY. Apt given that she's the host of the sun god._ "What do you mean recruit?"

Koga smiled and glanced at Leone, "Leone my dear, would you mind if we postponed our fun until this evening? We should fill Satsuki in and introduce her to everybody." Leone's grin widened, "Yeah! Come on, I think I saw Zoro and Kuina go this way!"

 **AN:** _For those who haven't guessed, yes, we have just jumped into that territory called crossovers. I would normally churn out a hell of a lot of OC's such as Koga for the villains, but I love a cameo and even more a well done crossover, and this isn't a true crossover so much as me borrowing and adapting in a hell of a lot of characters from shows I like. The ones currently introduced are:_

 ** _Satsuki Kiryuuin:_** _Straight up, it's Satsuki from Kill La Kill. No Life Fibers, but she still has Kamui Junketsu even though it functions differently, yes that DOES mean Ryuko, Ragyo, the Elite 4 and the Mankanshoku family are likely to make appearances as well._

 ** _Aozora:_** _A pretty blatant expy of Azula from Avatar the Last Airbender, one of my all-time favorite characters. However I have changed a lot, so expect differences._

 ** _Arachne:_** _From Soul Eater. Similar to the original but with numerous differences that will become apparent the more screen-time she gets._

 ** _Leone:_** _I recently started Akame Ga Kill, and I love it. Absolutely adore Leone who is currently tied with Esdeath for my favorite AGK character. There are some differences, the most notable of which is that she now gains her powers from being a Jinchuriki of a Great Beast similar to the Nine Tails (closer to canon's 2-Tails though) rather than using a magical artifact._

 ** _Roronoa Zoro:_** _Like Satsuki, it's Zoro from One Piece. Why? Because Zoro is awesome. Zoro is Koga's bodyguard and right-hand man._

 ** _Kuina:_** _So tragic that Zoro lost Kuina right after they made their promise… I hate tragic. So Kuina is alive and romantically involved with her yes, still number one rival Zoro._


	18. Chapter 18: The Chunin Finals Begin!

Chapter 18 – The Chunin Exam Finals Begin

Kakashi was surprisingly the first to arrive at the arena. This was due to a bet between him and Guy about who could make it there first. Guy arrived three hours early to find Kakashi camped out in the stands with a beach umbrella, a stack of Jiraiya's books, a flashlight, and an almost finished plate of smores. Guy fainted in shock and had to be woken up three hours later to see the first match, completely unaware that Kakashi had dyed his hair white while he slept and made it stick straight up. Guy didn't figure out why people were snickering until he got home that evening.

Ten of the sixteen finalists were from Konoha, five of the remaining six were Jiraiya's children. Mimasu and the Kosa siblings had unfortunately had to depart a day after the Ramen Eating Contest, Mimasu citing the need to oversee reconstruction in wake of the battle a few days previously. Fuu had made Gaara promise to write and given him a hug so tight he had almost turned blue. Then Naruto had caught her in female form and whispered something in her ear, and a moment later Gaara was as red as his hair and almost fainted in delighted shock as he got a kiss on either cheek from his fellow Jinchuriki.

Shukaku was so stunned his sand clone's jaw fell off and he had to pick it back up to howl with laughter and cheer for Gaara. Temari and Kankuro had both been utterly speechless and Mimasu had nodded knowingly as he jotted down something in a notepad before tucking it away into an inner jacket pocket. Then Mimasu had high-fived Hattori, hugged Tsunade, bro-fisted Tayuya with an admonishment to take care of herself, pulled on a metal gauntlet from a seal inside his cloak, and caught the still frozen Gaara by the gourd and towed him away, Temari and Kankuro falling in step behind him.

Now Naruto was almost bouncing in his seat waiting for the exams to begin. "Who do you think will win?" Tayuya asked from her seat next to his. "It's gonna be either really close or really one sided," Naruto declared, "I know Choji's been training his butt off because Ino wouldn't leave him alone, and depending on how much food he was bribed with he might go at it a lot harder than normal, but Tenten trains against Bushy-Brows and Neji all the time, and she's super smart, so I don't know how much Choji's got on her. His ninjutsu is really just augmentation for physical attacks, so unless Tenten's just incredibly off her game, Choji's going to have a hard time. I won't count Choji out yet, but I'm betting on Tenten, because Bushy-Brows and Neji are both crazy fast and strong, and she does a lot of the same training they do."

Tayuya sighed, "I meant overall Whiskers. Who do you think will win the entire tournament?" Naruto shook his head, "Not a clue. Way too many unknowns. I have no idea what any of Pervy-Sage's kids can actually _do_. No way will it be that Kabuto guy though, Haku-chan told me this is his seventh attempt at the exams. Mmm…probably Tenten, Neji, Shiro and that guy from Sokushi's team, then I can't guess on the bracket with Fuu, Sokushi, Shirahoshi and Ino because like I said I have no idea about three of them, and then Haku-chan and Lee because they're both crazy strong. Beyond that I have no idea, but it's going to be awesome."

Tayuya sighed, "Ducky, thoughts?" Sasuke sulked mildly, he had resigned himself to the nickname, but that didn't mean he liked it, "Probably one of Jiraiya-sama's children, and beyond that I'd guess one of the two from Hidden Rain. You've met their senseis. Sokushi seems like she would be more formidable, but Teibo's got the same sort of evil mischievous grin as Naruto, so I'd say it's a toss up. If not one of them, then I'd say Haku. Your guess is as good as mine really."

Tayuya sighed, "Sakura, thoughts?" Sakura thought about it for a moment then smiled, "I'll root for the underdog just to play devil's advocate. Kabuto will win at least one round because of his opponent underestimating him, and then he'll win his second match through psychological warfare, and then the third through sheer combat skill that nobody would ever have guess he had leading up to his being in the final match up as a total dark horse against one of Jiraiya-sama's kids."

Tsunade suddenly walked up and plonked down next to Tayuya, "Please, Hattori's team is going to sweep this tournament like a broom! I got the low down on their training and abilities, Sokushi and Teibo are shoo-ins for the win! That Wakai kid on their team's good too, he's probably going to make at least the second or third round!" A number of people who could hear her suddenly got up and went to change their bets. Tsunade blinked in surprise and then got annoyed and called after them, "Fine then, but don't come crying to me when you lose your money!"

 **==Tenten VS Choji==**

Choji poured the last chips in his bag down his gullet and after a lightning fast chew and swallow turned a stern gaze on his opponent as he settled into a stance, "This is nothing personal, I've just got a lot of food riding on the outcome of this fight." Tenten raised an eyebrow with a crooked grin, "How much food?" "All I can eat, plus a kiss from Ino," Choji replied with a grin as his mouth watered at the mere thought and everyone who knew his clan's reputation winced.

Tenten nodded with a knowing smile, "I see. That is a lot of food, and I bet you were looking forward to that kiss. Well, sorry to burst your bubble, but I intend to win." Choji's grin widened and he raised a fist in challenge, "Well let's get this party started! I hear you're tough, but Ino's a slave driver when she wants to be, and I've been training my butt off to keep up with her! Get ready for a fight you won't forget!"

Hayate smiled, _well, at least they're talking a good game, getting the crowd hyped._ He placed a hand between them, and without a single wheeze, "Alright, enough talk, readyyyyy?" He raised his hand and backed up swiftly, "FIGHT!"

Tenten closed the distance in a lightning quick leap and slammed a spinning kick into Choji's jaw with enough force to stagger him before landing and continuing her spin, driving her heel into Choji's solar plexus and then her fist up into his nose with enough force to snap his head back and draw blood.

Before Choji could recover, Tenten was sweeping his feet from under him. Choji hung horizontally in the air for a moment and then Tenten continued her spin back to her feet and dropped an axe kick into his gut. Then she backflipped away and landed grinning twenty feet from Choji as he struggled back to his feet. When Choji regained his feet and snorted the blood out of his nose, Tenten smiled viciously, "Choji Akimichi, specialty brute force taijutsu enhanced by Akimichi family techniques to increase reach, weight and the area of his strikes. Reflexes slow, preferred primary mode of offense is Human Boulder Jutsu and has recently learned partial super expansion jutsu in preparation for the finals, meaning all I have to do is outrun you, and keep sticking knives in you until you stay down."

Choji scowled, "How do you know all that?!" Tenten smirked, "Shinobi." Then she drew a pair of long knives from behind her waist, "So come on big guy, show the crowd what you've got and try to surprise me. You won't," she added with a smirk, "but I won't hold that against you."

Choji growled, "So you think you can outrun me do you? You think I'm slow?! Let's put that to the test! _HUMAN BOULDER JUTSU!"_ He leapt into the air and expanded, looking for all the world like a big green boulder as he landed and began immediately rolling at extremely high speed towards Tenten. Tenten held her ground with a smirk and tossed her knives into his path. Both exploded with the contents of the scrolls wrapped around their hilts, turning the entire field between her and Choji into a veritable briar patch of caltrops and barbed wire.

Tenten casually bounced out of the way as Choji plowed on through and right past her before shrinking as he cleared the nasty trap Tenten had laid for him. He landed on his feet and howled in pain, his entire body wrapped in barbed wire and covered in caltrops from Tenten's trap. Tenten smiled cheerfully, "Oh and by the way, those are coated in paralytic poison. You've got about ten seconds before you're paralyzed for a minimum ten hours." Even as she said it, Choji went stiff. Tenten strolled over and laid a katana to the side of Choji's neck with a smile, "Dead. I-AH!"

Choji suddenly slammed a hand wrapped in barbed wire into the side of her face. Choji grinned as Tenten staggered away, "I told you didn't I? I'm not that slow, physically _or_ mentally. I may not be the brightest, but I'm no idiot. I did my homework too and took an antidote for every poison in your arsenal before this fight even began!" Tenten clutched the bloody side of her face and stared as Choji closed his eyes most of the way and grinned through the blood coursing down his own, "Now then, you wanted a war of attrition?" His eyes snapped open with a terrifying glint, " _Let's go._ "

Tenten stared for a second more and then grinned back and drew a second katana before settling into a stance, "Let's."

Choji settled into his own stance and then threw a hand back behind him, what was shocking was that it _stretched_. Almost twenty feet his forearm stretched, and then it shot back like a shot from a cannon wrapped in a barbed wire boxing glove that Tenten only narrowly managed to dodge, "What the hell?!"

Choji grinned as his arm snapped back, "Special Technique, Gum-gum Pistol. Thank you favorite manga." Tenten's jaw dropped in shock, " _You replicated Monkey D. Luffy's Gum-Gum powers?!"_

Choji grinned, "Yup." Then he jumped and unleashed a hurricane of stretchy punches, "GUM-GUM GATLING!" Tenten suddenly dissolved into a whirlwind of steel as Choji's bombardment of punches closed in on her. When she stopped spinning, she was a little bloodier, but Choji's hands were covered in scratches, and Tenten was smiling.

Choji grimaced in frustration, _Man she's fast!_ Then Tenten pulled a third katana from a scroll and held it in her hand with a smile, "Well, since you're going to mimic _your_ favorite character, I think I'll mimic one of mine!" Then as Choji's eyes widened in fear, Tenten tossed the third katana into the air, caught it in her teeth and grinned as she crossed all three of her swords, " _Oni Giri!_ " She launched forward and Choji staggered as she flew past him, carving into him with all three blades. Choji struggled to keep his feed as Tenten landed and looked over her shoulder.

Tenten's eyes widened as she saw Choji pop a food pill. Choji suddenly straightened up and turned, readying himself for another attack, and was just in time for, _"SANTORYUU TATSUMAKI!"_ Choji was suddenly launched whirling into the air by the backs of Tenten's blades being hooked around his foot, arm and neck. Tenten was into the air after him an instant later and spinning multiple slashing attacks into his guard as they fell.

Tenten landed on her hands and flipped back to her feet as Choji inflated himself to cushion the blow and then rolled back to his feet. He was grinning as Tenten realized his arms had stretched out behind him again, " _Bazooka,_ " he declared even as Tenten realized what was coming. She leapt and spun, "TATSUMAKI!" She spun in the air and delivered another rapid series of cuts down Choji's arms as they shot under her.

Tenten landed just in time to realize that only one of Choji's arms had retracted. The other one was holding onto the ground on the other side of her, rapidly retracting and bringing Choji hurtling towards her with "GIANT SICKLE!" Tenten jumped and stabbed down as Choji went careening past her, losing two of her swords in the process. Tenten landed and pulled the sword from her mouth, grimacing as Choji spun in the air and skidded to a landing, revealing himself to be relatively unscathed from the clash as he pulled the two swords out of the barbed wire around him.

"You really know your stuff!" He called as he cast the swords aside. "Thanks, you too!" Tenten called back, "You're a lot tougher than I thought you were!" Choji smiled and panted, "Yeah. What do you say we wrap this up with the next exchange? At this rate, whichever of us wins will be easy pickings for whoever we face in the next round." Tenten nodded and settled into a stance, sheathing her sword at her side in a move that Choji recognized as the preparation for a technique called Lion Song, "Agreed."

Choji grinned, "We should really get together and talk manga after this, but now…" he leapt into the air, "GIANT PIST-AHHHHH!" Tenten smiled as the explosives around the handles of her kunai went off upon impacting their target, "Check mate." Then Choji's massive fist crashed down on her shoulder and slammed her flat, shattering her collarbone and breaking several ribs in the process of knocking her unconscious. Choji's landing was not a graceful one, but he had picked himself up within a minute, "And that's game," he panted with a weary smile.

Hayate nodded, still wide-eyed and deeply impressed with the display, "Winner, Choji Akimichi."

==Up In The Stands==

Everyone who knew Choji and Tenten gaped for a moment before erupting in cheers and applause. Everyone that is except for Tsunade and Naruto who were in tears, having bet on Tenten. They conferred quietly, "At least it was only a small payoff," Naruto declared, "the odds were pretty even." Tsunade nodded as tears streamed down her face, "Yeah, but this means that probably all of my other bets are probably going to go sour too!"

Naruto got pale, "Who did you bet on?" "Tenten, Neji, Shiro, Wakai, Fuu, Sokushi, Haku and Teibo," she answered. "Solid bets on the second half," Hattori declared as he leaned forward from the row behind them, "I think it's going to be close in most of the fights though, so I'm still not going into a full paranoid freak-out waiting for the arena to explode. Yet," he added before leaning back out of the way of Tsunade's agitated swing.

==In The Competitor's Box==

Ino was ghostly pale and bug-eyed staring at the arena as Choji limped away and Tenten was carried off on a stretcher. Shikamaru deadpanned at her, "Well Ino, looks like you're going to have to make good on your bribe." Ino nodded slowly and then flinched as Shikamaru continued, "But he took way too much damage, so you probably won't have to make good on your bribe for the second round." Ino breathed a slight sigh of relief and then immediately froze as Shikamaru added, "You may have started something though since he apparently wanted that more than the food Asuma-sensei bribed him with."

==In The Arena==

Hayate smiled up at the crowd, "Next match! Neji Hyuga vs Kiba Inuzuka! Will the competitors please step forward?"

 **AN:** _Sorry for the long wait on this chapter everybody, life's been happening and I've been having a lot of trouble getting sat down to write, and what time I've been able to get has been divided between this, my eight other ongoing stories, and a couple of plot bunnies which are still growing. On the bright side, I will probably have the next chapter out in less time now that I've gotten past the writers block I had on the set up._

 _For those wondering who Tenten's other favorite One Piece character is, it's Usopp. No the other fights aren't going to involve mimicry of characters from other shows, the similarities in specialization and abilities between Choji/Luffy here were just too good for me to pass up, and Tenten being a Zoro fan just kinda happened._

 _I do hope you enjoyed this chapter, the next chapter will feature two fights, Neji vs Kiba and Shikamaru vs Jiraiya's son from Hidden Waterfall, Shiro Enryu the White Phantom._


	19. Chapter 19: Legacies and Ghosts

Chapter 19 – Legacies and Ghosts

==Up In The Stands==

"So we're betting on Neji right?" Sakura asked. Tsunade nodded, "Yep, kid's got it in the bag. I talked to Kurenai, that Inuzuka kid's nowhere near as tough as his old man, but from what I hear the Hyuga kid's Might Guy's toughest student." "Lee is actually physically superior," Guy declared, still unaware of his white spiky hair, "But Neji makes up for his disadvantage there with skill. His grasp of the Hyuga Gentle Fist is incredible for one so young."

Sakura nodded with a smile, "Right, thanks!" Then she floated up out of her seat and zoomed off to change her bet to Kiba before the match could start. Tsunade stared after her slack jawed, "She can fly?" Kakashi nodded, "Yes, I taught Sakura your hand-to-hand combat technique on Squad Seven's first C-Rank mission, and after a little miscalculation on my part she gained the ability to make things fly, including herself." Tsunade gaped, "A _genin_ learned my Strength of a Hundred technique?! Are you sure it's not some new kekkai genkai?!"

Kakashi mused on it for a moment and then shrugged, "It could be, but yes she learned the technique before she learned how to fly and claims the flying is just a derivation of that technique." Tsunade immediately decided that the match and bets were very much less important than talking to Sakura the instant she got back.

==In The Arena==

Neji and Kiba set up across from each other. "Ready to lose mutt?" Neji asked with a small smug smile as he settled into his stance. Kiba growled and set Akamaru out of his coat, "Keep it up with the big talk, you've got longer hair than my sister and I bet you're not nearly as good a fighter. I may have promised Hinata not to hurt you _too_ much, but that doesn't mean you're walking away from this fight on your own power."

Neji's smirk turned to a scowl, "Come on then. I'll show you who's going to get hurt." Kiba grinned and crouched low to the ground, "You don't even have to ask." Hayate nodded and raised his hand, "Let the match, _begin!_ "

Within a split second of saying that, Hayate blinked as Neji went flying, Kiba's fist where Neji's jaw had just been. Kiba dusted his knuckles off with a grin as Neji slammed into the ground twenty feet from where he'd started and out cold with a broken and already swelling jaw, "Meteor-Claw Blindside Flicker-Hammer. I found out all about what you can do, and I knew the best way to beat you would be to do it before you had a chance to even get started. Call it proctor, he's not getting up from that anytime soon."

Hayate blinked, _That was fast… "_ Winner, Kiba Inuzuka."

==Up in the Stands==

Everyone was silent, wide-eyed and stunned. "Meteor-Claw Blindside Flicker-Hammer?" Jiraiya asked quietly. "It would seem Yasei-sensei's been having some private lessons," Kakashi muttered.

There had been a considerable amount of jutsu fired off in the split second it took Kiba to knock Neji out. First Kiba had used Substitution to switch places with Hayate as soon as Hayate allowed the match to begin so he could get through Neji's guard from a place Neji wasn't expecting. Then he had hardened his fist with earth chakra using a technique called Earth Spear and used the speed of the Body Flicker to multiply the force of his rock hard uppercut exponentially and deliver it faster than any eye but a Sharingan could track.

It was a technique that hadn't been seen in Konoha for over ten years. Not a hard one to learn, just a very difficult one to execute with the speed to make it particularly effective. Firing jutsu so quickly had been an art Yasei had learned trying to keep up with his teammates Minato Namikaze and Fugaku Uchiha, and very few shinobi had ever been fast enough to counter his combination attacks.

Sasuke rubbed his jaw with a wince, "Nice to see it used on somebody else for a change." Kakashi looked over at him, "I see. You've been helping Kiba train?" Sasuke nodded, "Yeah, Kiba said the best way to train for speed was to do it against the Sharingan, and I needed the practice, so we've been sparring regularly so that he could get ready for the finals."

Jiraiya glanced at Sasuke out the corner of his eye, _So Kiba's been following his father's training regimen to the letter has he?_ He looked back at the arena and then stood up, "Nature calls. I'll be back soon." "You're totally going to change your bets to that Inuzuka kid aren't you?!" Tsunade demanded. Jiraiya froze, "Um…maybe?"

"Well wait for me, I'm coming with you!"

== **Shikamaru vs Shiro** ==

Shikamaru sighed as he observed the opponent standing across from him, "What a drag. Let's get this over with." Shiro grinned viciously at him and Hayate nodded, "Match _begin_."

Shiro instantly exploded into a cloud of smoke, setting Shikamaru on guard, _A clone?_ Then the cloud chuckled, "Nara jutsu rely on paralyzing the opponent with their own shadow right? Well what are you going to do to an opponent who has no physical form for you to paralyze?"

Shikamaru frowned, "Nice try, using a smoke bomb to hide yourself and try to psych me out, but there's no way you're actually a cloud of smoke right now." Shiro chuckled, "Try to hit me then! Come on, I dare ya!"

Shikamaru reached into his kunai holster, "Yeah, I don't think so. You're probably underground and you've got that cloud laced with explosive powder ready to go off the instant I step into it trying to find you." "Oho you smelled that?" Shiro laughed, "Well then we're at an impasse! You'll run out of kunai and shuriken way before you ever manage to hit me in here, and I'm not giving up such a terrain advantage. So what are you going to do?"

Shikamaru smiled, "I think I might have an idea." He wrapped an exploding tag around the hilt of his kunai, "I don't have to be in there for that to go off." Then he threw the kunai and set the cloud off, resulting in a massive explosion and Shiro fleeing out of it, winding up merely singed from the explosion as he skidded to a halt halfway across the arena from where he'd started. "Clever," he declared.

Then he drew and threw a kunai at Shikamaru. It landed harmlessly in the dirt three feet in front of Shikamaru. Shikamaru blinked and then looked at Shiro who was pale and looked highly embarrassed. "Your aim sucks," Shikamaru called. Shiro twitched, "A lucky fluke! You won't be so smug after I use this!" He threw a shuriken and made a handsign, "Shuriken…" Shikamaru dove for cover as he recognized the first hand sign of a clone jutsu. Then Shiro reached into his coat and threw shuriken like confetti, "…Whatever Jutsu!"

Shikamaru stared at him as the first shuriken landed three feet behind him. He rose to his feet and was visibly annoyed, "Take this seriously damn it!"

Shiro blinked at him with a mildly confused look, his hands still raised over his head from where he had thrown shuriken like confetti, "Wow, tough crowd. Alright, if you insist." Then he was right in front of Shikamaru and driving a vicious right jab into him. Before Shikamaru could even react Shiro was behind him and driving an elbow into his kidney. Then he was in front with a punch to the gut and a knee to the nose, behind with an axe kick to the head, in front grabbing him by the foot and throwing a savage stomp in between Shikamaru's legs.

As he stomped Shikamaru where the sun doesn't shine, Shiro pulled a shuriken from his coat and threw it skyward. An instant later he and Shikamaru were in the air instead of the shuriken, spinning just as it had as Shiro threw Shikamaru down with the full force of their spin in it.

Shikamaru landed hard and painfully, a landing that became even more painful when Shiro drove a spinning axe kick into his face with the full momentum of his fall and then some behind it. Shiro sprang back and threw a kunai at Shikamaru, planting it right beside his foe's head just in time for it to explode with knockout gas.

The crowd which had only a moment before been jeering and booing him stared in silence as Shiro straightened his lapels, "Call it proctor. He didn't even want to be here." Hayate nodded numbly and raised his hand, "Winner, Shiro Enryu."

==Up In The Stands Near The Betting Office==

Jiraiya's Shadow Clone snuck back and changed his bets back as the original and Tsunade rounded the corner, _Sorry Tsunade, I'll always stack the deck in my kids' favor, and if that means turning your horrible luck to their advantage and sabotage one of their strongest competitors, sorry, I'm gonna!_

==In The Desert Twenty Miles West of Hidden Sand==

Mimasu snarled as he looked at the legion of armored Morean soldiers before him, _How did they get this close?!_

Across the dunes, a man with green hair, three swords at his side and a wide brimmed hat to keep the sun out of his eyes grinned, "Well, it appears Raiu was as good as her word. For their leader to have come out this quickly we must be close. You three ready?" "Always," the masked young man codenamed Boseki with the two glowy-eyed faint purple-pink phantasms hovering around him replied. The phantasms radiated a degree of mirth as they eyed the dark figure on the dunes across from them.

Mimasu growled, "Gaara! Get everybody out of the village now! Bury everything in sand and head for Konoha! Even if they take our position they won't take our knowledge. I'll hold them here!" He drew his blade as his shadow took off towards the village as fast as Gaara's sand could carry him. A moment later a massive sandstorm rose on the horizon and ferried the shinobi of Suna as far and as fast as it could.

Mimasu nodded over his shoulder and settled into a stance, easing his sword from its sheath with a small grin as he looked at his foes, "Well, let's take these guys apart and see what they're made of!" Then he disappeared.

==Konoha==

Alarms were blaring in Konoha Maximum Security Prison as the phantasmal intruder calmly and methodically electrocuted guard after guard, "Send all you want," Raiu of Morea declared behind her mask, "You won't stop me." Anyone who could have seen the look in her eyes behind the lightning blazing around her would have believed her. Mangekyo Sharingans can be very convincing that way.

==In The Stands==

"Satsuki," Koga asked, "Is it just me or does that kid down there look kind of familiar? The blonde in the red jacket with the whisker marks." Satsuki followed his gaze, "He bears a very similar hair color to Leone, and looks like he has a similar disposition, but beyond that I don't see any particular resemblance. It seems to be a common hair color here, perhaps it's nothing. Hers is not naturally that color right?" Koga shook his head, "I'm not sure, it's been that way as long as I've known her." "Hmm…" Satsuki mused as she sipped her tea, "Perhaps they are distant relatives?"

As Koga pondered it, a few rows down, Naruto sneezed, and Kushina and Minato's ghosts had a similar chill run down their spine.

==Meanwhile, Hidden Stone==

Leone sneezed as alarms wailed throughout the fortified city before her. She rubbed her nose and growled lightly, "Somebody's talking about me. Aozora, you ready for this?"

Aozora smiled wickedly as she conjured a plume of cerulean flames and eyeballed the gates of the Village Hidden in the Stones, "Always."

Leone conjured a matching plume of blindingly bright solar flame with a grin, "Then let's do this!"

The two stepped forward in unison and thrust their flames forward. The eruption of flames flooded the valley in a blaze of white hot power, effortlessly blowing away the gates and everything within a half mile radius of them.

When their attack petered out, Aozora raised her hand overhead and then pointed towards the now molten ground leading into Hidden Stone, "CHARGE! LET NOTHING STAND IN YOUR WAY!"

The five-thousand magically armored legionnaires immediately stampeded forward like a tidal wave of steel. The battle of Iwa had begun.

 **AN:** _Sorry this one was a little short, I didn't expect Shiro and Kiba to make such quick work of their opponents, but after playing the battles out several times in my head, these were the most likely outcomes. Don't worry, as you probably guessed from the multiple cliffhangers, the next chapter is going to be_ _ **EPIC.**_

 _Even more than that, sorry for the absurdly long wait! I've started so many other stories recently and had so much going on that this one kinda fell on the back burner. My sincerest apologies, but don't worry, I'm planning to start picking up all my old stories and working on them again._

 _Oh, and for those who are fans of comedy and awesomeness, author Kereea has returned and begun writing on "The Somewhat Cracked Mind of Itachi Uchiha" again. For those of you who haven't read it, it may be old but it's fantastic nonetheless. Many a seam have I burst laughing at that story, and I encourage you all to enjoy it as well._

 _Til next time, have fun! :D_


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